*sigh* You know, some people in Hollywood are taking the concept of snatching up an established property and adapting it for the big screen just a little too far.
Remember the old Atari game Asteroids? Here's a clip from the game:
Yeah, they're turning that into a movie. Universal Studios just picked up the movie rights. Lorenzo diBonaventure, the producer who supervised the big screen adaptations of Transformers and G.I. Joe, is doing the same thing for Asteroids. Matthew Lopez, who wrote Disney's recent re-make of Race to Witch Mountain, is writing a script. No word yet on when it's hitting theatres.
But that's not all! Speaking of classic toys coming to the big screen, it was also announced that they'll be making a big movie version of...View-Master.
That's right...View-Master.
Brad Caleb Kane, who writs for the TV show Fringe, is writing the script. Roberto Orci and Alec Kurtzman, the big-name writers who wrote Star Trek and the two Transformers are producing.
If there's one geek stereotype I've tried to avoid, it's the whiny fanboy. That being said, I'd like to apologize for what you're about to read.
I just got home from Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
I have issues with it.
My big number one issue is how Michael Bay chose to portray my childhood heroes. Optimus Prime. Ironhide. Sideswipe. The Autobots as a whole. They are iconic characters to a generation. That's the key word there: characters. They are people...granted, 50-foot tall metal people, but living breathing people nonetheless.
But Michael Bay treats them as nothing but hardware...big shiny things that point big guns that go boom. There's no character development with them, we don't learn anything about them, hell, they hardly even speak!
Arcee is in this film. Arcee! Yay! Iconic for being the token female Autobot. Blink and you'll miss her. She only has two lines. I know because I counted.
These characters are more than just military machines, but military machines are all they're treated as.
In fact, a good way to look at this is like a Godzilla movie. We all know in a Godzilla movie the main appeal is watching the giant monsters slug it out. Same as with Michael Bay's Transfomers. The appeal is watching the giant robots do battle. But they have to reload some time, so while that happens, we focus on the humans, and rely on them to advance the plot. The big question in the Godzilla movies is, "How do you make the human characters interesting?" Michael Bay's answer was, "Make them as annoying as FUCK!"
Sam's mom eating some pot-laced brownies and getting high on a college campus...it's as bad as you've heard. Sam's new roommate, the geek who constantly screams "WE'RE GONNA DIE!" It makes my brain hurt.
I fully understand the need for comic relief. But they chose to go with bad comedy...men in thongs, dogs humping legs, stuff like that. There's at least five "dog humping" jokes. Dogs humping dogs, dogs humping legs, dogs humping robots, robots humping legs. WE GET IT!!
And when they're not being annoying, the humans fare about as well as the robots. No character moments...no conversations between them that turn them into people. Like this. Remember the first movie? Megan Fox's dad is all in prison cuz he was a car thief? Well, in this movie, he's out of prison, and they have a father/daughter auto shop business. The two of them are just...there. They don't even ATTEMPT the obvious...which would be some kind of father/daughter reconciliation scene. Nope, the dad has about two lines, and Megan Fox just stands around looking hot. We get it. Megan Fox is hot. At least ATTEMPT to have her do something! God, at least strippers get to dance. Megan Fox doesn't even get to do that.
And the Autobots named Mudflap and Skids. The centre of all the controversy right now. Every negative wannabe gangsta stereotype rolled into two Autobots. Dubbed by some as "Car Car Binks." Not much more I can add to what's already been said. Well, one thing. Perhaps one good thing. Because of all the coverage they've been getting, I was expecting them to be much more...prominent in the film. The good thing is they're not there as much as I thought they'd be.
There's only one real character moment...one scene that gave me goosebumps. Megatron, Starscream, and the Fallen, all on the burnt-out remains of Cybertron, plotting their next move and explaining the Decepticon's mission. We get to know Megatron, we get to know Starscream, we get to know the villain's motivation...a few more scenes like that and a lot less humping jokes and we might have had a movie.
Enough negativity. What I liked: spectacular fight scenes. ILM once again brought their A-game. Great action scenes. Enough name-checking of Transformers lore to make me smile...space bridges, the Matrix, etc.
But great fight scenes and randomly tossed-out references do not a good movie make.
I love me my fast food, and that Canadian icon of fast food/donut shops is finally coming home.
That's right, Tim Hortons is finally becoming a Canadian company once again.
But you're thinking, "Mark! I've seen those highly patriotic commercials. I thought Tim Hortons was already Canadian!" Well, not for the past 15 years.
It was in 1995 when, as you may recall, Tim Hortons merged with Wendy's. Tim Hortons became a Wendy's subsidiary and thus, an American company.
It was in 2005 that Wendy's declared Tim Hortons to be getting so big that they were competing against themselves. So, Wendy's decided to sell off Tim Hortons. It was once again an independent company, still had its world headquarters in Oakville, Ontario. But, for all legal purposes, it was still an American company.
But now, they're filling out all the paperwork and doing all the legal stuff to make it legally a Canadian company. Why the reason for this switch? Because we have lower corporate tax rates than the USA, and the Tim Hortons shareholders like that.
Moving kind of slow today. Athabasca's Magnificent River Rats festival ended at around midnight last night, and I'm still in recovery mode. Good thing I had the foresight to record this week's episode of U62: The Targ while I was still at 100%!
This week, Episode 2.38: Free with Membership. We're analyzing Pokemon, talking about River Rats, and reminiscing about MASH.
It's been a slow couple of weeks. Not much to blog home about. So I guess I could do like most blogs and start ranting and rambling about the various things I am a fan of.
For example, Pokemon. I love Pokemon. Many find such a love to be weird, but there it is.
One thing I love about the Pokemon cartoon is when something overtly Japanese happens. For those who don't know, I spent a year teaching English in Japan. So when something overtly Japanese happens, I understand it, and I feel like I'm in on a larger joke.
What happened in this last episode...our heroes were walking down the road (as they do at the start of every episode) and nightfall is coming. With the nearest pokemon centre still too far away, Dawn takes a closer look at the map and realizes that a friend lives near by. This friend happens to own and live in a hot springs resort, so they can crash with Dawn's friend and enjoy the hot springs for free. What good are friends if you can't mooch off them?
And then it turns out that the hot springs have dried up so our heroes go on a quest to find out why.
But yeah. Hot springs. I loved going to hot springs. I've been going since I was 2 years old, when every summer saw at least one trip to the Miette Hot Springs in Jasper. I haven't been out to Miette in a couple of years...I'm starting to miss it.
You have to admit, Canada really is poor when it comes to hot springs. We have about three or four in the Rockies and that's it. Not like Japan, where there's whole resort towns built around hot springs. I remember a few years back, the Banff Hot Springs were running low, so they were filling up the pool with plain ol' Town of Banff tap water. The hot springs management were all like, "What? We always do this when it runs low." Meanwhile, in Japan, when word got out that several hot springs resorts were topping off their pools with plain ol' tap water, it created a national scandal and a special government subcommittee was formed to look into the problem.
But let's not forget, if weren't for those three or four hot springs we have, we wouldn't have our national parks service. As the legend goes, back when they were building the railroad, some railway workers discovered a hot spring in Banff. The hot spring soon became a popular recreation area, and before you knew it, people were starting to scrap over who owned the hot springs. The fight got so bad that finally the federal government stepped in and said, "Something this awesome should belong to EVERYONE!" So the government claimed the hot spring and formed Banff National Park to look after it. And our national parks service was born!
Hot springs. I love them. I wish I could travel the world and sample all the many different kinds. That could be a great TV show for the Travel Channel. I travel the world, sample the hot springs, hang out with the locals, learn the history of the place. I should pitch that!
But first, I should hit the gym. Let's be honest, such a series would feature me in a swimsuit for half of every episode. Stressing out about your body to look good in a swimsuit: it's not just for women anymore.
Let's take a quick minute to take a look at some of the hot new trailers in movie theatres.
First up, we have The Last Airbender, based on the smash-hit cartoon Avatar: The Last Airbender. (They changed the name for the film so as not to get confused with James Cameron's long-awaited return to filmmaking, Avatar.)
For those who never watched the really awesome cartoon, The Last Airbender takes place in a mythical, vaguely Asian land where people can practice the mystical art of "bending," martial arts that manipulate the four elements. As such, there are four nations in this world: Airbenders, Firebenders, Waterbenders, and Earthbenders. One day, the ruler of the Firebenders gets it in his head that he wants to rule the world, so he starts off by killing all the airbenders.
But one escapes...Aang, the Avatar. The mystical Avatar is the only one who can learn all four types of bending, and thus bring peace to the land.
So the series follows the adventures of Aang as he journeys through this land, a fugitive of the firebenders, and learning the other types of bending.
Joining him on his quest are Katara, a gifted young waterbender, and Katara's brother Sokka. While Sokka is not a bender, he's still a skilled warrior himself.
Now, sadly, this film has become somewhat controversial. How can such a fantastic story be controversial? Well, it's like this. As I said, it takes place in a land heavily based on Asia, all the characters are Asians, so naturally the film was going to have an all-white cast. Luckily, the backlash started early enough that the filmmakers were able to rectify things somewhat in the rest of the casting.
Of course, also controversial, in that whiny fanboy way, was the choice of director. This cartoon is being adapted for the big screen by Captain Twist Ending, M. Night Shyamalan. That was controversial because many say that Shyamalan only made one good film, The Sixth Sense. This is also the first film that Shyamalan made that is not based on of his own, original ideas.
The cast is predominantly unknowns...about the only name in the cast is Dev Patel, star of the Oscar-winning Slumdog Millionaire. Patel plays Prince Zuko, the firebender prince charged with finding Aang.
I thoroughly enjoyed the show and, controversies aside, my fingers are crossed that the film will be good. The film hits theatres Summer 2010.
Next up, another film I've mentioned several times on the blog, Ponyo.
Ponyo is the latest epic from world-renowned Japanese animator Hayao Miyazaki. It hit Japanese theatres a year ago, and finally makes its way to North America.
Ponyo is kind of like Miyazaki's re-imagining of The Little Mermaid, from what I gather. It follows the adventures of young goldfish princess named Ponyo, her infatuation with a human boy named Sosuke, and her quest to become human. As for the tone of the film itself, some Miyazaki afficianados say it's for the younger folk...more My Neighbour Totoro than Spirited Away.
As with the past group of Miyazaki films, this is being brought to North America by Disney. As with the last two Miyazaki films, Spirited Away and Howl's Moving Castle, the English dub is being supervised by the head of Disney animation, the director of Toy Story, and one of the biggest Miyazaki geeks in the world, John Lasseter. Lasseter is sparing no expense this time out, with the goal of making Ponyo Miyazaki's biggest hit in North America. He's brought in Hollywood uber-producer Frank Marshall to help out. Marshall was responsible for most of the Steven Spielberg blockbusters of the 1980s. His last film was The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
As is the tradition in North American films, the voice cast features a galaxy of stars. Tina Fey, Matt Damon, Liam Neeson, Cate Blanchett, Cloris Leachman and Betty White all provide voices. Ponyo is voiced by Noah Cyrus, Myley Cyrus's little sister, and Sosuke by Frankie Jonas, the littlest Jonas Brother.
It hits North American theatres on August 14.
I kind of think Disney dropped the ball with this trailer...they should have put it in front of Up. Instead, it's going to be in front of the drama My Sister's Keeper in theatres this Friday. Oh, and The Last Airbender trailer is going to be in front of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
Around a month ago, I wrote a blog entry reminiscing on the 10th anniversary of a film that had massive ramifications on the geek universe, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Well, I had a lot of fun writing that, and with the 20th anniversary of another geek classic upon us, I thought I’d write another article reminiscing about that film. Yes, today is the 20th anniversary of the film that launched a franchise, Batman, directed by Tim Burton.
I HATE YOU BATMAN!
Words cannot describe how much I loathe you as a film. Upon repeated viewings, I can’t help but think about how you ruined my life and completely destroyed me. I hatred burns with the intensity of a thousand suns. You changed me...you altered me...you made me view myself in ways that I was not yet ready for, and I hate you for it.
But that was not the case when we first met. When we first met, it was the summer of 1989. That was quite a monumental summer in my youth. My twelfth birthday was approaching. Elementary school was done, and I was preparing for the new challenges and adventures in junior high. My family moved into a newer, bigger house, and for the first time in 8 years, I finally had my own room. And I managed to steal my first kiss from that girl next door...that spirited redhead by the name of Samantha Eddington.
OK, there was no girl living next door, there is no such person as Samantha Eddington, but everything else is true, and when I sit down some day to write my coming-of-age tale, it will be set in the summer of 1989, and little miss Eddington will come to life on the page. And another aspect in my coming of age tale set in the summer of 1989 will be true...Batman will be everywhere.
It was impossible to escape from Batman that summer. The Batman logo was on merchandise of all kinds. That Diet Coke commercial was constantly running on television. Batdance by Prince was always on the radio. The Edmonton Journal deemed it “the summer of the bat,” and even ran an interview with a graphic design major at the U of A who had painted the Batman logo all over her car. “I understand it’s all a fad, and I’ll repaint my car this fall,” she said. “I’m thinking maybe a soccer ball pattern.” Of course, all this didn’t happen spontaneously. It was all because of the movie.
Batman directed by Tim Burton. No other movie to date had been that heavily hyped. And, with my 12th birthday approaching, along with it came the annual tradition of my birthday movie. Yes, ever since my 11th birthday, I have celebrated my age by going to see a movie. And with the summer of 1989 upon me, there was only one movie I wanted to see...Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.
Other things happening in pop culture was that Star Trek: The Next Generation had finished its second season. I had become thoroughly hooked on this thing called Trek and I was wearing blinders for that summer. The only movie that was on my radar was The Final Frontier. So arrangements were made. That was the movie I was going to see on my birthday. There were some friends of the family who wanted to come along, but they didn’t want to see Star Trek, they wanted to see Batman. So, Mom bent over backwards, scouring the movie listings for a Cineplex in Edmonton that was showing both Star Trek and Batman. And she found one, Capitol Square 4, right in the heart of downtown Edmonton.
My birthday came around, and it was fantastic day. We arrived at the Capitol Square to see Star Trek and...it wasn’t playing. “We’re so sorry,” said the clerk. “We stopped showing it yesterday.” My 12 year old heart sank. “Is there any other movie you want to see?” my mother asked. I walked into the lobby to stare at the four movie posters to make my decision. To this day, I remember very clearly what those four movie posters were: Batman, Lethal Weapon 2, Dead Poets Society, and Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. My blinders were off. My eyes were finally open to the other films out in the summer of 1989. I made my decision, and walked up to my parents. “I want to see...Honey, I Shrunk the Kids!”
My brother said, “Screw that, I want to go with the others to see Batman.” So we split into two groups. My brother and Group A went to see Batman. Me and Group B went to see Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids was really good. My 12-year old self enjoyed the hell out of it.
And then came the waiting. Batman had a later start time and a longer length than Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, so we started spending a lot of time in the lobby waiting for Batman to get out. We went for a walk around the block. Sunset in downtown Edmonton is always really pretty, even my 12 year old self enjoyed it. Eventually, Batman ended, and this endless wave of people started pouring out of the theatre. Never had I seen a crowd so large! And it wasn’t ending. They just kept coming and coming and coming. And finally, my brother emerged from the crowd. “Ohmygodohmygodohmygod IT WAS SO AWESOME!!!” He sure was a lot more excited about Batman than I was about Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
And for the rest of the summer...hell, for the rest of the year, my brother was the biggest Batman geek you’d ever meet. He had the official “making of” book..the deluxe hardcover edition. He got the soundtrack, so not only was it on the radio, but Batdance was being cranked up at every available opportunity. At least every 20 minutes, he’d ask me if I’d ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight. For his birthday, we went to the auto show, so he could get his picture taken next to the Batmobile. As I said, there was just no escaping from Batman that summer.
December was soon upon us. Naturally, my brother got Batman on VHS for Christmas. And there, on Christmas afternoon, huddled around the TV set, was when I finally got to see Batman. And you know what? It was so much better than Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. If I could go back in time to my 12 year old self, I would probably say, “Dude, no. Go see Batman.”
As I said, it was impossible to escape from Batman in the summer of 1989. For a stretch there, it felt like I was living with Batman. Because of its prominence that year, Batman came to symbolize a lot of the magical things of that summer. Hanging MY posters in MY room. Sleepless night wondering how different grade seven would be from grade six. And wondering if the girl who would serve as the inspiration for Samantha Eddington would ever notice me. It was the last summer of my childhood, and it was so much fun.
So how did I grow to hate such a symbol? Well, we jump forward to the year 2004. I’m back in school, going to NAIT, studying to get my radio diploma and achieve that dream of being on the radio. I’m down in NAIT’s South Lobby, doing a remote broadcast. I was partnered up with one of my classmates for this broadcast. As is my want, I was up there, dancing to the music, waiting for my time to be on the radio, when Batdance came on. “Dude! This is like the greatest song ever!” I said to my classmate. “This song is crap, how can you like it?” she said to me. And I started telling her the tale...an abridged version of what you just read. The magic of the summer of 1989. “How can you not remember the summer of 1989?” I said to her.
She looked at me cockeyed and said, “I was two years old in 1989.”
BAM. I felt as though a batarang had hit me in the face. It finally occurred to me that I was now surrounded by people who had never danced to Batdance. People who don’t know what it means to dance with the devil in the pale moonlight. And they don’t know it because it was before their time. Remembering a magical summer from 20 years ago...had made me old.
That’s why I hate you, Batman. You turned me into an old man. You are now part of a distant past that only exists in history books. And because I was there to experience it first hand, it makes me aged and decrepit. Damn you, Batman. Damn you to hell.
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