All right, that's it. I'm gonna stop watching Enterprise. It's gotten too stupid even for me, now.

Last night's episode, Damage. Ugh, where to begin? The A-plot was like this. The starship Enterprise got its ass handed to it in the last new episode. It is now a rotting wreck of a ship. They also got a coded message from their new Xinid allies saying the big superweapon is to be launched in three days. Oh no! As part of the extensive damage, the warp drive is out! They need a new warp coil, and it'll take weeks to make a new one.

In all this, Enterprise helps out a damaged science vessel. Capt. Archer tries to negotiate a trade for a warp coil, but the alien captain says no dice. We've only got the one, and without it, it'll take 3 years to get home.

So, after 15 minutes of agonizing, Archer decides to steal the warp coil. Oh, but he leaves behind enough supplies so they'll survive their 3 year journey home.

Argh! My God, I hated this episode! This is the first time in Star Trek history that a character has been presented with "the needs of the many outweight the needs of the few" and decided, "the needs of the many are SO GREAT let's screw over the few!" Archer kept saying there was no choice. Well, there was a choice.

Maybe I'm just pissed because this is the third "Archer has to cross the line" episode they've done this season. Maybe I'm just pissed because this was done so much better on DS9.

Meanwhile, in the B-plot.... Earlier in the season, Enterprise needed a substance called Trellium-D to shield the vessel. But, they had to strip off the Trellium and lock it up in the cargo hold because it's toxic to Vulcans; it turns them into rage-filled-28 Days Later-style zombies. So, the Trellium was locked up and labeled "bio-hazard" for poor T'Pol's sake.

But T'Pol had a taste of the sweet Trellium. It made her lose her emotional control and she liked it. So, turns out, she's been getting high off it all season. Oh yeah. She sneaks down to the cargo bay, grabs a few lumps of Trellium, liquifies it, and shoots up. The B-plot saw the cargo bay being one of the damaged areas of the ship, and with her supply cut off, T'Pol starts going through withdrawl. Apparently, this was done to explain why the character's been more emotional this season.

Stupid stupid stupid. They turned the hot chick into a stoner.

Now, this really DOES go against the Gene Roddenberry vision. From day one, he said that, in Star Trek's future, we've evolved to a point where people no longer need drugs. The tobacco companies no longer exist. There's no more cocaine fields in South America. People still drink, though, but alcohol's been replaced with a non-addictive synthetic alcohol. No one gets high any more. They're high on life. (That also explains why Capt. Kirk banged all those alien women. Can't smoke, can't drink, needs to get a rush somehow.)

But then, Enterprise came along and tried to be "contemporary" and "hip."

Argh!

I'll soothe myself with my Next Generation DVDs.

Next Issue...Over It

Wow. Good news and bad news about Kill Bill.

First, the good news. It's been reported that Quentin Tarintino will be re-editing the films back into their original, 3.5 hour format and showing that in art houses. Well, in recent interviews, Tarintino has revealed that he's already done that, and that Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair will be making its debut at this year's Cannes Film Festival.

Now, the bad news. From a New York Times article (and filtered through DVD site The Digital Bits, here's an quote from the COO of Miramax about the DVD plans for Kill Bill:

"This is the beauty of having two volumes," said Rick Sands, chief operating officer at Miramax. "Vol. 1 goes out, Vol. 2 goes out, then Vol. 1 Special Edition, Vol. 2 Special Edition, the two-pack, then the Tarantino collection as a boxed set out for Christmas. It's called multiple bites at the apple. And you multiply this internationally."

Ya know, Quentin splitting Kill Bill into two parts wasn't a cash grab. Releasing about 8 different DVDs from the two films, now THAT'S the cash grab.

Let's see...what else is going on that I can talk about on the radio in an hour.... McDonald's is introducing a Happy Meal for grown-ups. To contine their attempt to promote a healthier lifestyle, McDonald's is introducing the "Go Active Happy Meal." You get a supersized McSalad and a bottle of water. For a toy, you get a pedometer. That's one of those thingies you strap to your belt and it counts how far you walked. Drop in the bucket, people.

Oh, and this one too, from ToyFare. To celebrate the DVD release of Star Wars this fall, Hasbro is unleashing a new line of action figures, the "Star Wars Vintage Collection." These are all-new sculpts of original trilogy characters, but they'll be packaged in replicas of the original Star Wars action figure packaging from the late 70s/early 80s. They'll even boast the Kenner logo instead of the Hasbro logo!

This is good for me. I was looking at my Star Wars action figure collection and I'm starting to notice that a Darth Vader is noticably absent....

Next Issue...Super Special Edition - The Director's Cut

Got a quick bit of movie news this morning:

Mission: Impossible 3 - Tom Cruise is hard at work getting his next Ethan Hunt movie off the ground, and the token hot chick in his IMF team will be played by...Carrie-Anne Moss. Of course, we all know her best as Trinity in the Matrix trilogy. Frank Darabont (writer/director of The Green Mile and The Shawshank Redemption; recently made headlines when George Lucas rejected his Indiana Jones 4 script) is writing the script, and Joe Carnahan (the recent cop thriller Narc) is directing. They hope to starting filming in August for a Summer 2005 release.

More news trickling out about the long-awaited Star Wars DVDs coming out in September. That massive 2.5 hour long documentary about the trilogy is called Empire of Dreams: The Story of the Star Wars Trilogy. And the Episode III featurette is called The Birth of Darth Vader, and boasts the first official look at Hayden Christensen in his Darth Vader costume.

Next Issue...Rock it to Me, Sock it to Me.

First, the important news. I've sat by in patience, not wanting to go into debt buying any more DVD boxed sets. But, my desire to not go into hock has also meant that I've missed out on the wonderful DVD boxed sets of The Transformers and G.I. Joe. Well, coming out on July 6, is one of the most demanded boxed sets ever for a cartoon. This one I'll just have to break down and buy:

Batman: the Animated Series - Volume 1

This boxed set has the first 27 episodes of Batman: The Animated Series, which is pretty much the first half of season one. You'll also get a few featurettes and running commentaries on certain episodes.

My God, it'd be so easy to go into debt....

Speaking of DVD, there's an interesting article on the future of the format at The Digital Bits. Let me cut and paste it for your convenience:

"Also today, Fred Kaplan over at The New York Times has revealed a fascinating new project the folks at Lowry Digital have been working on in secret for the last few months (the story was in the Sunday issue - a free subscription is required to access the online article). As you know, John Lowry and his team specialize in the digital restoration of classic films, and have recently worked on such films as Once Upon a Time in the West, Raiders of the Lost Ark and the Star Wars trilogy for their respective DVD releases. The project that Lowry has just revealed is nothing less than an attempt to create "digital negatives" of films.

A little background is in order - current DVD carries 525 lines of picture resolution, while full HDTV carries 1,080 lines of resolution (this is the same resolution of the forthcoming Blu-ray Disc and HD-DVD formats). However, in order to duplicate the full resolution of 35mm film in digital video, you'd need to scan the prints at a whopping 4,000 lines (also known as 4K resolution). That's exactly what Lowry is attempting. By scanning entire films at full 4K resolution, they're creating digital copies of films that are every bit as good as the original optical camera negatives. These digital files can then be digitally cleaned of dust, scratches and other impurities, and can also be color corrected by the original director or D.P. (if they're still with us) to ensure that the resulting image is exactly as the filmmakers intended it to look. This 4K file is then of high enough resolution that perfect quality film prints can be made from it for future theater screenings. What's more, a 4K resolution master is more than good enough for HDTV, HD-DVD and Blu-ray Disc uses. They're of high enough resolution, in fact, that they're likely to be good for future (as yet undreamed of) home video formats as well. Best of all, these "digital negatives" will never fade or deteriorate over time, as long as the data drives are properly stored and cared for.

The process is absolutely fascinating, and could have a HUGE impact on the preservation of our film heritage for future generations. You should know that MGM recently commissioned the 4K scanning of 6 of its classic James Bond films. These 4K masters could be used to generate new DVD, HD-DVD and Blu-ray Disc releases. Even if they're just released on standard DVD at 525 lines, because the source is of such high resolution, these new DVD copies should look far superior to MGM's previous DVD releases of the films. We'll have to keep a close eye on this. Fascinating, no?"

Next Issue...Fascinating Yes

Watching Ebert & Roper, and they had an interesting discussion about Lost in Translation, a film I'm still dying to see. They find it odd right now. When the film first came out, and saw it in the theatre, they thought it was a very good film. Now, that the film's on DVD and people are watching it again, they think the film is kind of lame. I agree with this observation. I've got friends who are fans of alternate cinema and films like Lost in Translation. They've seen Lost in Translation for the first time on DVD, and they're underwhelmed. So, the question is, why? The only suggestion that Ebert and Roper came up with was that maybe, the film needs to be seen on the big screen to help sell the character's feelings of lonliness and isolation.

I don't know. I still want to see it.

But, my obsession right now is that immortal cartoon character, the Pink Panther. 2004 marks the 40th anniversary of the Pink Panther, and I'm just trying to do some reading up on him. The Pink Panther seems odd when compared to other classic cartoon characters like Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse. The Pink Panther was born in the mid-60s, when the animated short was starting to slip out of theatres and onto Saturday morning TV. The Pink Panther was born in the last gasp of the animated short. Plus, coming from the 60s, the Pink Panther has a bit of a beatnik vibe running through his shorts. Hell, he's a hot pink panther! That alone suggest a psychadelic influence.

And I've seen so few of the original animated shorts. I really should seek them out.

But enough of this! This being Sunday, I've got my latest column up. This week's adventure is called Blocked:

"My writing tends to come to me in ebbs and flows. When it’s flowing, I’m on fire! I’ve got a hundred good ideas for columns and I can sit in front of my computer for hours pouring them out. And the ones that I don’t have time to write, well, I jot a quick two-sentence summary in a special scratch pad with the idea that I’ll write them later. The words are screaming to come out of me and if I don’t write them down, I’ll explode. And then, there are the ebbs. Like the past few weeks. I know I have to write something, but I’m playing Bomberman. Or I need to fire up my DVD player and watch Pokémon 3 again. I’m just out of ideas, so I avoid sitting and writing at all costs. It moves from being a joy to a chore. I wonder if this is what writer’s block feels like. "

Read it all, if you dare!

Next Issue...Think Pink

I just read something interesting at The Digital Bits. Sony has teamed up with a Japanese printing company and developed a new DVD that's 51% made of paper. And there's another use for recycled paper. The trick is, this disc is optimized for Blu-Ray technology, so this paper DVD can hold 5 times as much as a regular DVD.

For those just joining us...Blu-Ray Discs, along with HD-DVD, are part of the developing next generation of DVD players. This next generation uses a blue laser instead of a red laser. See, current DVDs are divided into two layers. That's how they hold so much. But, the frequency of a red laser doesn't have enough energy to penatrate more than 2 layers. However, a blue laser does have enough energy. A higher powered laser means more layers on the DVD which means the DVD can hold more, such as a higher quality sound and picture.

Right now, we've got two rival blue laser formats in development: Blu-Ray and HD-DVD. And don't worry. Once it hits the market, you won't have to throw out your DVD collections. A top priority among all next generation DVD developers is to make blue laser players capable of playing the current red laser DVDs that we all own and love.

Right now, I'm watching reruns of DS9. It's the classic second-season episode The Maquis, which detailed the origin of the Maquis. I never really understood the Maquis. They were typical in DS9's early seasons. Great ideas and new concepts thrown at the wall, just hoping that one would stick. Sadly, nothing stuck until the fifth season when the Dominion War broke out.

Let me see if I can explain the Maquis. The Federation and the Cardassians signed a new treaty which established a demiliarized zone between Federation and Cardassian space. The thing was, though, some Federation colonies now fell on the Cardassian side of the DMZ, and vice-versa. The Federation colonists were told to evacuate their homes and relinquish them to the Caradassians. But, the colonists refused to give up their land. A compromise was eventually reached. The colonists gave up their Federation membership. This allowed them to stay on the Cardassian side of the DMZ, but now they had to live under Cardassian rule. Eventually, these Federation colonies began to feel threatened by the Cardassians. The Federation couldn't help them because they gave up their Federation membership, plus to do so would violate the treaty. So, the colonists banded together, formed the Maquis, and began fighting the Cardassians. The Federation dismissed them as a terrorist organization, but still, they were responsible for them, so they began trying to bring them in.

I don't know. They just seem like half a good idea.

Next Issue...Sleeping Leg

So, as part of my promotions and marketing class, I joined CFCW's Country Club as part of my research. Today, I got my introductory package in the mail, which consisted of a CFCW key chain, my first issue of the Country Club newsletter, and a CFCW sticker. I looked at that sticker and thought about it for a while.

You know, the sticker is one of the simpliest, easiest, and most common radio station promotion. Just slap your logo on a sticker and give it out willy-nilly. So simple and easy. I was visiting radio stations for an assignment, and I spoke with the promotions director at CISN Country. They made a sticker featuring the CISN logo and the "I Love Alberta Beef" logo. Most successful campaign in the station's history! It's so simple, so common, yet always so successful.

So I've been thinking about this. Many moons ago, Mr. Anderson designed quite a nifty Chaos in a Box logo for me. To promote Chaos in a Box next semester, I would love to slap that logo on a couple hundred stickers and give them out around NAIT. Again, it'd be so easy to do.

Only problem is the cost. I know, as part of my promotions class, we're supposed to find sponsors and barter. But, I think in this case, it would be easier just to pay to have the stickers printed up. Really, what could I and NR92 offer a sticker company in exchange for stickers? Probably not much.

So, get maybe, 200 stickers made. Pass them out to people walking by when I'm doing my remotes in the South Lobby. Mom tells me that just about any graphic design company can print them up for about $0.50 per sticker, with discounts for the more you order. So, let's see here.... 200*$0.50 = $100. Hmm. Me thinks I need to think about this more.

But still, it'd be so cool!

And speaking of.... The other night, I finally watched American Idol, and it reminded me of a recent production assignment. We had to practice our music editing by splicing together 5 songs of a certain genre or artist we liked. I chose to do all Weird Al, but my very first, original idea was to splice together American Idol winners, Canadian Idol winners, Sugar Jones from Popstars, Velvet Empire from Popstars 2, and O-Town from Making the Band. Essentially, if it was the product of a TV show designed to manufacture the next big thing, it'd be in there.

I forget why I wanted to do this. I think I wanted to make some kind of statement about these incredibly artificial, made-for-TV pop acts. I mean, yeah, we all know that all pop music sounds the same and it's all so bland, but what really emphasises that is the fact that we have these TV shows. It really emphasises the manufacturing when we see it happen before our eyes. One hit wonder machines, that's all these TV shows are. Let's be honest. We haven't heard much out of Eden's Crush lately, have we?

(Eden's Crush was the creation from the American Popstars, for those joining us late.)

Anyway, soon I hope to try another music editing idea that's been bouncing around in my head. I think I've figured out a way to splice together Danny Elfman's Spider-Man theme and Michael Kamen's X-Men theme, and if I can pull it off, I think I'll have the opening piece for Chaos in a Box.

Next Issue..."And on both coasts we've got the record company machines, turning out hits on an assembly line."

Uh oh.

John Malkovich has just joined the cast of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. He's going to play a cult leader named Humma Kavula. Now, I'm sure most of us (myself included) have read The Hitchhiker's Guide. There is NO Humma Kavula character. Apparently, before his death, this character was created by Douglas Adams specifically for the Hitchhiker's film. So, the filmmakers are telling us, "Don't Panic."

But still, you'll forgive me if my eyebrows are raised in an "uh oh" manner.

And here's something that's kind of cool. As most of you know, work on a new Superman film is still slowly trudging forward. With the recent glut of superhero films, Warner Brothers wants it out ASAP.

Anyway, there's a growing push that Tom Welling should play Clark Kent/Superman. Welling currently plays the teenaged Clark Kent on Smallville. Welling did have some meetings, but doing both the show and the film would cause scheduling issues. Besides, I still think he's kind of young to play the grown-up Superman.

But, the debate contines. And now, comic book uber-artist Alex Ross has waded into the debate. Just for the hell of it, Ross drew a couple "Tom Welling as Superman" sketches, just to see what "Tom Welling as Superman" would look like.

Check out the sketches right here.

And now, I must take to the mighty airwaves!

Next Issue...Faster Than c

I believe it was Aristotle who loathed the concept of money and bookkeeping. He felt it was a corruption of the purity and nobility of mathematics. I felt the same way today about writing, as my assignment in writing class was to write a series of bar commercials.

I've been doing more reading on Star Trek too. I've found some interesting interviews with the former writers of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. As we all know, Kira fought in the Bajoran resistance when Bajor was occupied by the Cardassians. The Cardassians labeled her as a terrorist. She was a self-described terrorist. Then, we had the Maquis, which the Federation described as a terrorist organization.

The DS9 writers were saying that, in this post 9/11 world, they'd never be able to get away with that. And they have no idea how they'd change it. Interesting, no?

Next Issue...Determined to Rule the World

I've been flipping around the web, doing some reading up on Star Trek. Did you that Deep Space Nine's U.S.S. Defiant was originally nothing more than a souped-up runabout? It was eventually decided that they needed something bigger and better than a runabout.

And some interesting tidbits about Voyager, too. Turns out that, according to schematics, Voyager had its own captain's yacht-type spacecraft called the "Aeroshuttle." So, the debate now is, why did the crew of Voyager go through the whole performance of building the Delta Flyer instead of just using the Aeroshuttle? Some say that perhaps the Aeroshuttle was irrepably damaged on the flight to the Delta Quadrant. Others say that the Aeroshuttle wasn't installed yet, and what we see on Voyager is an Aeroshuttle shell, put on to preserve the ship's structural integrity.

But the most common belief is, they were going to use it, but when they were thinking about putting it into the show, they were putting the Captain's Yacht in Star Trek: Insurrection, and the makers of Trek deemed the two to be too similar. So, they put it on the big screen instead.

Next Issue...Enough Already!

Yay! More cool DVD news!

Quentin Tarintino, in a recent interview, revealed his long-term plans for Kill Bill on DVD:

- As we all know by now, the Japanese version of Vol. 1 was different. More scenes, alternate takes and the like. He wants the Japanese version of Vol. 1 to eventually find its way to DVD over here.
- He wants to edit the two films together back into their original 3.5 hour form for screenings at art houses and film festivals.
- And "major special editions" of each film on DVD, each one with passels of cut scenes, running commentaries, and all that good stuff.
- And he's even thinking about going back and releasing a DVD of nothing but bonus material, in the same style as The Matrix Revisited..

So, yeah. I'm glad I'm holding back on buying it on DVD right away. Vol. 1 came out on DVD just back on Tuesday, and it's got nothing. The film, the trailer, a Vol. 2 trailer, a featurette, and that's all. Just hold tight, folks!

And speaking of DVD, another TV classic that I grew up with in the 80s is coming to DVD. On August 3...Knight Rider: Season One. The only thing required to make my childhood complete is for someone to finally put out Airwolf.

Next Issue...What About Street Hawk?

OK, I can't believe I've been forgetting to mention this.

Late last week, National Geographic released a list of what they believe to be the 50 most influential politicians ever. There were such historical greats on this list as George Washington, Napoleon, and even Gengis Kahn. Three Canadian Prime Ministers made the list. John A. McDonald was there, as one of our founding fathers. Mackenzie King made the list, for his 12 years as Prime Minister and helping to see this country through in times of war.

And the most controversial choice...former Prime Minister Kim Campbell. She made the list simply because she was the first woman prime minister.

Naturally, this is being hotly debated because she was PM for all of 6 months and really didn't do anything. But, simply because she was the first woman to hold the office, National Geographic figures that makes her one of the most influential politicans...EVER!

Strange times we live in.

Next Issue...Even Stranger

OK, I'd like to make a little rant about television. A really popular plot device right now is using current pop songs throughout the TV show's soundtrack. I'd just like to say....

STOP THAT.

It has now become the most overused plot device in television today. I swear, every episode of Smallville ends with Clark Kent and Lana Lang staring whistfully at each other while the latest "song-of-choice-for-junior-high-lovers-written-by-Dianne-Warren" plays. EVERY FRIGGEN EPISODE.

The worst abuser is Cold Case. You know, the American knock-off of Cold Squad. Because of the basic premise of the show (elite cops investigating cold cases [really old unsolved ones]), the show relies heavily on flashbacks. To help establish the flashbacks, every friggen flashback opens with a period-specific pop hit. And then the show ends with a current pop hit as the lead "sees" the ghost of the long-dead victim.

So, yeah. The use of current pop hits in one-hour dramas has gotten really, really annoying. At least they don't do it on any of the Law & Order shows yet.

And The Matrix Revolutions has finally hit DVD! As I keep saying, don't buy it. Wait for the box set of the whole trilogy. But then, The Digital Bits raised some interesting points. Yeah, it's probably inevitable that a boxed set of the whole trilogy is coming, but it hasn't been officially announced yet. And who knows if it'll even happen? When Reloaded was about to hit theatres, Warner Brothers was all set to release a brand-new 2-disc special edition of The Matrix, and the Wachoskis pulled the plug on that. So, speculation is, the Wachowskis don't like having these films re-released on DVD.

And plus, you've got the whole Wachowski factor. The Wachowski brothers are notoriously camera shy. They did no interviews for Reloaded and Revolutions. They've had no involvement in the Matrix DVDs. No interviews in the featurettes, no running commentaries, nothing! And now, the die-hard fans probably own the whole trilogy. So, the only thing that would probably make the die-hards run out and buy the boxed set is Wachowski involvement in the making of the boxed set.

So, yeah. We're all asuming the boxed set is a given, but the truth is, the Wachowskis have introduced a new variable that makes things...unknown.

And speaking of DVDs...Guillmero del Toro recently revealed that he's planning at least two DVD editions of Hellboy. The first will be a 2-disc special edition featuring the theatrical cut of the film. The second will be a 3-disc edition featuring a 20-minute longer director's cut of the film. Apparently, there was a much more detailed subplot giving a lot more character development on the villains that just had to be dropped.

And the fourth Harry Potter film, ...and the Goblet of Fire, has just been given a release date of November 18, 2005. The original plan of cutting the book in two and making two films has been discarded. We've already been told that Harry's human family, the Dursleys, have been written out of the screenplay. And it'll probably begin at the book's centerpiece, the Quidditch world cup.

Next Issue...How Do I Live Without You?

OK, I haven't acknowledged this yet, so I think I should. If you haven't heard the news yet, "Weird Al" Yankovic's parents were tragically killed on Friday night. They died of carbon monoxide poisoning. Investigators say they found their home filled with smoke and the fireplace flue was shut. Weird Al has his official statement about it at his site.

Naturally, people are asking me if I'm planning a tribute on tomorrow's show. No. As I've been planning from day 1, my final show this semester will be the "Weird Al" show.

And this brings back a project I've had in the back of my mind for a long time. Wouldn't it be cool if they did a "Werid Al" Yankovic tribute album? Screw the parodies! These would be renditions of Weird Al's original songs. I've already got a bit of a list together as who I'd like to see on the album and what they'd sing....

I'll Be Mellow When I'm Dead - Smash Mouth
Stuck in a Closet with Vanna White - Nickleback
Everything You Know is Wrong - Barenaked Ladies
UHF - Green Day
The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota - Alan Jackson
Dare to be Stupid - Justin Timberlake, or any other boy band ex-pat

The trick is matching the artist and song. Comments? Additions? Use my under-utilized forum.

Next Issue...Friends of U62

Wow. The Passion of the Christ shot from #6 back up to #1 this weekend. This is the first time in my lifetime I can remember a movie jumping back up to the #1 spot. Yay, Easter!

Anyway, here's this week's column. It's not very good. It's called Oh, Crap:

"Oh, crap. I still gotta write something for the website.

I really don’t feel like writing anything. All my time and writing energy is spent writing stuff for school. Then, I have to sit down and write something for the website and I’m, “Ugh.” But I can’t take a break; I can’t take a day off, if only because I’m still in a pissing contest with Mr. Anderson. In your face, Mr. Chuck Loves the World: the Daily Comic Strip! Quantity, not quality, baby!"

And now, if you'll excuse me.... I spent Easter with my family, and once I got home, I got a call from my sister saying she's broken out in flamng pink eye. My eyes are itching in paranoia.

Next Issue...The Illness

Wow! I haven't ranted in a while. I've got quite a bit to rant about. Firstly, the obligatory movie news for this site:

Quentin Tarintino wants to do a James Bond movie! Actually, this is old news, but Tarintino's saying it again in interviews for Kill Bill Vol. 2. Tarintino's concept for a Bond movie is to go back to the beginning and adapt the first Bond novel, Casino Roayle. Tarintino says it would be a return to the Bond's origins, no more $115 million action epic, just a small $40 million espionage thriller. Tarintino admits the big problem with this, though, would be convincing the producers of the Bond films to go along with this idea. Pierce Brosnan likes the idea, though. So, good luck with this Quentin!

And a rant on the state of fast food:

Dad and I ate at McDonald's last night. Dad felt guilty about it, because he's on a diet right now and he really should be eating...real food. I had to point out, then, how McDonald's is trying their best to be healthier right now. For example, their new protien platters, which are part of the Atkins diet craze. As one columnist pointed out a week ago, you can tell a diet fad has gone mainstream when the fast food restaurants jump on board. And if you avoid McDonald's like the plague, then let me explain the protein platter to you. It's a bacon double cheeseburger without a bun.

I also pointed out McDonald's new "healthy choices menu." These are healthier items like Veggie McBurgers and Spinach Salads. But, the healthy choices menu was this tiny little section of the menu. 90% of the menu was dedicated to, of course, the extra value meals.

The final straw was when I saw a little sign saying, "Have a salad instead of fries!" Let me get this straight. McDonald's wants to do their part to promote a healthier lifestyle.

To do so, they're phasing out the supersize. They no longer ask, "Would you like to supersize that?" That's good. But then, why don't they ask, "Would you like a salad instead of fries?"

I mean, it's good that McDonald's wants to promote a healthier lifestyle, BUT THERE'S SO MUCH MORE THEY CAN DO!! Rip down those extra value menu menus. Make the healthy choices menu front and centre. Ask if they want a salad instead of fries. And how about if you just stop selling unhealthy food? Cook healthy food? You know, scrap your whole menu and start over.

"Look at us! We know we're helping make our nation fat, so we're going to stop! We're going to stop...offering extra large fries!" WHAT THE F? If McDonald's is serious about halting obesity, they'd do so much more! But they're not going to, because there's no money in healthy food.

The tree is rotten to its roots, people. You want to eat healthy? DON'T EAT AT MCDONALD'S.

A rant on my latest DVD:

I finally broke and bought Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla on DVD. The special effects are early Power Rangers. The plot is simplistic. The fight scenes really don't convey the same sense of size and mass that we saw in previous Godzilla movies.

It's the coolest movie ever.

When the final battle between Godzilla and Mechagodzilla begins, and Mechagodzilla does a flying tackle of Godzilla...that always gets me cheering! It's just the coolest fight scenes in filmdom ever...I think. Damn! I can hardly wait until they bring over the Godzilla that came after it. It was a direct sequel, only they threw Mothra into the mix. Godzilla - Mechagodzilla - Mothra - Tokyo S.O.S.

And that's all that's been brewing inside me for the past few days.

Next Issue...Don't Hold It In

And the director of Fantastic Four is...

Tim Story.

Tim is still a relatively new director. His films to date are the small comedy Barbershop and the upcoming American remake of the French action film Taxi. I really don't know what to think.

As for casting, Story is looking at Michael Chiklis, star of the gritty cop show The Shield, to play Benjamin Grimm/The Thing, and Tim Robbins(!) as Dr. Doom! They start filming in August for a July 2005 release.

Not only that, but the official word has come out on bonus features on the Star Wars Trilogy box set. Besides the aforementioned documentaries, you'll also get the teasers, trailers, and TV commercials for the original releases and the special editions, a complete stills gallery featuring movie posters, promotional photos, and coneceptual art, exclusive DVD-ROM stuff at starwars.com, and three behind the scenes featurettes about Episode III.

And I also learned that, today, a special edition of Police Academy came out! You get a running commentary featuring the cast and director, a featurette, and the trailer. Wow. Remember when that was considered to be a loaded special edition? Crazy.

Next Issue...Police Academy: The Next Generation

First, let me get to the big news that's circulating my hallways. Edmonton is getting four new radio stations! Their formats:

- smooth jazz
- alternatvie rock
- urban
- aboriginal

No word yet on when they'll be up and running. Their licenses say they have to be going within two years. Our instructors have it on good authority that the aboriginal station wants to be going this summer. This is good news for my class, because it means more jobs. This is REALLY good news for about 80% of my classmates because they love hip-hop and it's their dream to work at an urban station.

The interesting thing about that urban station is that it's owned by the CHUM media empire. Right now, their probably more famous for running Toronto's City TV, Much Music, Space: The Imagination Station, and about half the cable channels in Canada today. This urban station is going to be their first inroad into Edmonton. Rumour has it they're also looking at buying A-Channel. Currently, their only toehold in the city is that CHUM is part-owner of Access.

So, yeah. Interesting times.

A little rant about DVD now. The Matrix Revolutions comes out today, but don't buy it for me. Odds are, a super-special edition boxed set of the entire trilogy will be out this Christmas. Same thing with Kill Bill Vol. 1. Yeah, it comes out next week, but let's wait for that super-special edition boxed set of both films.

Speaking of waiting for boxed sets.... Circle May 25 on your calanders. That's the day we get the long-awaited boxed set The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Bear in mind that these will be the theatrical editions. Peter Jackson and his gang are currently hard at work putting together the extended edition of The Return of the King. Once that comes out in November, I'm sure a boxed set of the extended editions will follow soon after.

Oh, and don't forget to tune into the hot reality show The Apprentice on Thursday night! I know, all reality TV blows, but you have to watch this episode for the commercials! It's been announced that, on Thursday's episode of The Apprentice, we'll get to see the new trailer for Spider-Man 2. WOO! More Spidey vs. Doc Ock action than you can shake a tenticle at!

And now, we all hold our collective breaths. Today, Marvel and 20th Century Fox will be announcing the latest candidate to direct The Fantastic Four. Let's all pray that it's not someone who sucks....

Next Issue...Enter the Director

Latest column's up! This week's offering is called The Park:

"Not much happens here in little old Entwistle. The biggest shock of my life was when I came back from Japan and saw that nothing had changed. Great examples of this are the grocery stores. Bigger than a convenience store, but not big enough to compete with anything in the cities, they’ve existed to provide the necessities. They haven’t changed much and they’ve been in Entwistle and Evansburg since I first came to this town. Hell, I even worked at one as one of my first real jobs. So, you can imagine that things have been shaken up somewhat with the opening of a new one. The Brand New Tipple Park Super A Foods promised to bring big city quality to the small town. Naturally, the little grocery stores that have been here forever are worried. For the tiny towns of Entwistle and Evansburg, this is like Wal-Mart moving in. It’s been open for about a week now, and I finally decided to go check it out."

Gotta read em all!

And, before I go to bed, I'm looking over the weekend grosses for the movies. Boy, you can tell there's a lot of good movies out there when even my Dad wants to see one. (My Dad's not a big lover of the cinema.) The film he's all hot to see? Walking Tall, mainly because he's a huge fan of the original and he's curious to see what's been done in this remake.

And Disney's latest animated film, Home on the Range, opened in #4 to generally poor reviews. Wow. Remember when the words "Disney's Latest Animated Film" were all it took to guarnantee: rave reviews, an opening in #1, a hit single on the charts, and merchandise in every child's bedroom? Was only 10 years ago, too. What happened? I'm sure Disney flooding the market with inferior films had something to do with it.

Anyway, my short list right now includes Jersey Girl and Hellboy. Maybe I'll be up for a good ol' double feature day this Good Friday.

Next Issue...Short Week!

Got some DVD news for ya this Sunday morning:

You may remember a few days ago, I was talking about the upcoming Spider-Man: Deluxe Edition DVD. I was bitching that it had the exact same bonus features as the Spider-Man 2-disc special edition, and that there was really no point to it. Well, it was finally revealed that, yes, it's the same 2-disc special edition, but the Deluxe Edition will have a brand new THIRD disc, containing never-before-seen bonus features, a passel of "behind the scenes" stuff for Spider-Man 2, and even an Xbox demo of the Spider-Man 2 game.

And bonus materials for the long-awaited The Star Wars Trilogy box set are starting to be leaked to the press. The fourth disc chock full of bonus materials will have: Star Wars: The Independent Films, which boasts to be the most comprehensive documentary about the making of the trilogy to date; three featurettes detailing the evolution the characters, the cultural impact the trilogy had, and the lightsaber effects; the original 1977 "making of" TV special; a massive gallery of production artwork and movie posters; and an Xbox demo of Star Wars: Battlefront.

And here's everyone who'll be on the running commentaries! Episode IV will have writer/director George Lucas, FX supervisor Dennis Muren, sound designer Ben Burtt, and star Carrie Fisher. Episode V will have those four guys plus director Irvin Kirshner and co-writer Lawrence Kasdan. Episode VI will have everyone but Kirshner. It's still coming Sept. 21!

Next Issue...Next Episode

Sorry to rip-off your bit, Mr. Anderson,

Favourite out-of-context quote of the day:

"This is where slavery works." - Mara Finley

Next Issue...The proper context

Uh-oh.

Things don't look good for Enterprise. Yes, the show has been renewed for a fourth season, but only 12 episodes have been ordered. That's just a half-season's worth! If Enterprise can turn things around in those 12 episodes, then they get to do a full season. If not, well, looks like UPN will do what the Suliban and the Xindi couldn't do: destroy Enterprise.

Next Issue...Boldly Going, Going, Gone

Today's Dirty Joke: So, NAIT is having this upcoming event called "My Big Fat Greek Toga Party." We've been talking about it on-air for the past couple of weeks. I literally have to bite my tongue to stop myself from doing jokes about "Greek style."

Today's Fight with The Man: So, I'm currently embroiled in a battle with Alberta Health and Wellness. I've fallen behind in paying my healthcare premiums, mainly because I can't afford them. I've applied for assistance with my premiums, but I've been turned down. Why? Because I worked in Japan. I don't qualify for assistance until I've been back in the province for a year. So, it looks like I'll have to cave and ask my parents to pay it off. I wish I lived in any other province where healthcare comes out of the taxes and I don't have to pay any premiums. Why do Albertans have to pay healthcare premiums? Oh, yeah. Because Ralph Klein is a MORON. I swear, some day, I'm moving to the Yukon. I've never heard any complaints about the Yukon's government.

Today's Revelation: So, I've gotten myself wrapped up in something strange. NAIT's newspaper has this thing called the Grapevine where people can have their rants about anything. I love Kevin Smith films, and Jersey Girl is being described as a "chick flick." Naturally, I want to see a chick flick with a chick. So, I put a thing in the Grapevine asking for a woman who might want to see Jersey Girl. And lo and behold, I got a response. We've e-mailed each other a couple times, and we've both admitted to each other that this is really weird how we're getting together. But you know what? Weird things happen in life, and when it does, you can do one of two things: turn and run, or play along and just see how weird things get. I'm playing along right now.

Today's Cool E-mail: So, in the 1980s, Milton Bradley put out this series of games called T.H.I.N.G.S. I loved them, and I managed to collect all 9. I've rambled a few times about how I'm thinking of making the first T.H.I.N.G.S. website, as I've found none out there. Today, I got an e-mail from a guy who read one of my T.H.I.N.G.S. rants. He said, "Dude, a T.H.I.N.G.S. website would be so cool! E-mail me as soon as it's up! And make sure it's got lots of pictures." So, I guess I finally have to make it.

Next Issue...So

Wow. I'm amazed that this news slipped under my radar.

Following the success of their Transformers and G.I. Joe boxed sets, today Rhino home video has released....

Jem: The Complete First and Second Seasons

This four disc set includes all 26 episodes from the show's first two seasons, plus a whole whack of bonus material such as running commentaries, interviews with the creators and voice cast, and even the show's Bible. Out TODAY!

I am shocked and ashamed that I didn't pick up on this sooner.

And here's some news I knew for a while but held off on reporting. Manga publisher Tokyopop has just signed a deal with Paramount Pictures to produce Star Trek: The Manga. The idea right now is to use American writers and Japanese artists. The head of Tokyopop is describing this as "the Animatrix for Star Trek fans."

Next Issue...Truly Outrageous!

Got a brief bit of movie news today. In a recent interview, David Duchovney said that, yes, a second X-Files movies is still in the works. Duchovney said he was talking to X-Files creator Chris Carter recently, and Carter's hard at work on the script. The script apparently features one major new character which'll allow for a major star to come onto the film. Duchovney says it's a great supernatural thriller that appeal to both the show's fans and a broader audience. Duchovney also said that he expects to start filming early next year.

Next Issue...The Truth is Old

It's that time again! The latest column's up! this week's installment is called Showtime! Here's a brief sample:

"Pop quiz hot shot. Three beautiful women walk up to you and ask you to star in a music video. What do you do? I found myself in that situation about 6 weeks ago. Actually, it all started much more innocently than that. I was in the computer lab just minding my own business. These three TV students from across the hall came in, saddled up beside me and asked one simple question. “You’re not shy in front of a camera, are you Mark?” Well, most everyone who knows me knows I shamelessly mug for a camera so I said, “I’m more comfortable than you think.” That’s when they sprung it on me. “We’ve got to make a music video for our production class and we want you to star.” "

As always,
here's the whole thing.

And before I go to bed, here's some TV news I read a few days ago. After 12 years on Law and Order, Jerry Orbach is leaving the show! Actually, it'll be more like a sabbatical, as Orbach is already in negotiations to reprise the character of Det. Lenny Briscoe on the fourth Law and Order show, tenatively scheduled for fall 2005.

Next Issue...Law & Order: Mark Squad

Forget Pokemon! I'm on an obsession with Godzilla right now. Godzilla x Mechagodzilla, the film whose movie poster became a hotly contested property between me and the AEON coroporation, was released in North America on DVD back on Tuesday, and I've been debating all week weather I should get it or not. That, and I just happened to catch Godzilla 2000 on TV. I've been doing a little nosing around online, and it seems that most G-fans have split up the films into three series:

The first series began with the original film in 1954 and ran until 1975. These are all the classic Godzilla films that we grew up with. Highlights include: the original Godzilla, King Kong vs. Godzilla, and, the one film considered to be the ultimate of Toho's giant monster films, Destroy All Monsters. I'd kind of like to see this one. When aliens start invading the Earth, Godzilla rallies all the giant monsters he's fought (plus giant monsters from other Toho giant monster epics) and they fight the aliens. And then, in 1975, it was felt that Godzilla had lost touch with his audience, and they stopped making Godzilla films.

The second series began with a remake of the original in 1984, to commemorate the 30th anniversary of the original. (It came out over here in 1985 and was called Godzilla 1985.) A real effort was made to make Godzilla competitve in the post-Star Wars era, and the Godzilla suit was actually quite an advanced animatronic get-up. But, it didn't do so well. But, that didn't stop them from pumping out a whole bunch more "Godzilla vs." films, starting in 1989 and ending in 1995. Then, in 1995, Toho Studios (the makers of the Godzilla films) signed a deal with Sony Studios (the owners of Columbia/Tri-Star). Sony announced their plans to do an American remake of Godzilla, and Toho decided to step out of the way, let the Yankees pump out Godzilla films, and collect the royalty cheques.

Then, the American remake came out. Godzilla (1998) wasn't too well received by the public on both sides of the Pacific. Toho looked at Sony at said, "Gee, you guys kind of effed up, didn't you?" and Toho decided to bring the original Godzilla out of retirement. The first of this third series was Godzilla Millenium which came out in Japan in December 1999. (That would be Godzilla 2000 to us, and it came out over here in August 2000.)

And the series will be ending soon. This year - 2004 - marks the 50th anniversary of the original film so, to celebrate, this year's Godzilla film is going to be a real monster mele, with Godzilla going up against about a dozen other classic monsters from over the years. Comparisons are already being made to Destroy All Monsters. And then, it'll end for now. Toho Studios has announced that box office receipts are down for Godzilla so, after this year's 50th anniversary film, that'll be the end of Godzilla. For a while, anyway.

Next Issue...Markzilla (didn't want to repeat the "Godzilla vs. Markagodzilla" gag)

Well, it just wouldn't be my blog without an insane rant about Pokemon. Yesterday's episode saw the return of Brock to help out Ash on his pokemon journey. Sadly, it's kind of lame how they brought him back. When he left, he said he was doing so because he had "business to take care of back home." And this is how they explained his return:

Ash>> But, you said you had business to take care of back home!
Brock>> I did. I took care of it. And now I'm back.

Ehh. Doesn't matter. Brock's back!

Next Issue...Brock's still back!

Big day for me. The long-awaited NR92 LAN party went down. I think we did the best we could under the circumstances.

Afterwards, I knew it was time to get something to eat. Now, y'all know I love my fast food, and I'm always on the look-out for new fast food tastes. And, lo and behold, what did I see, but a Quiznos Subs. I finally decided to try them out.

I don't know, but your sandwich shops always seem to be somewhat removed from regular fast food restaurants. True, while they follow the fast food model on a corporate level, just by walking through the front door, they feel different. And there really aren't that many. Here in Canada, we've had Mr. Sub for as long as I can remember, and Subway kind of exploded in the early to mid 90s. And now, we've got Quiznos.

Every fast food restaurant needs a gimmick, and Quiznos' is that they toast their subs. I went in there not quite knowing what to have, and they had a Philly Cheessteak on special. It was a rather good sandwich. I think Quiznos deserves a return visit.

Unless, of course, it's made Mr. Anderson's "evil list."

And, this evening, I finally got to watch The Last Unicorn. It came out on DVD last week, and I finally bought it back on Wednesday. It's a very plain DVD - it's not even in widescreen - but now I can retire my VHS copy, which I taped off Space: The Imagination Station about 6 years ago. It's just one of those movies that haunts me. It's very much about growing up, loss of innocense, questions of faith. It's based on a novel, and I keep threatening to read the book someday. And I must read it. The more I watch the movie, the more it feels like that there are parts missing from it. The plot just kind of jumps forward in places. Of course, I'm assuming the book fills in those gaps.

And I don't know why they haven't done a live-action re-make yet. With the success of The Lord of the Rings, you just know that fantasy films are going to be the next big thing. A few months back, I was reading about a live-action remake scheduled for Christmas 2005, but now it looks like that project has fallen apart.

So, I guess it's up to me.

Next Issue...Engaged to a Douglas Fir

And now, I'd like to present an actual conversation I had with a TV student today:

The student>> Mark. Got any weed?
Me>> What?
Student>> Weed! Do you have any weed?
Me>> What kind of weeds? Like dandilions? Thistles?
Student>> (pause) You can get high off thistles?

They claim they needed it for a story, but I don't know about those TV kids....

Oh, and in a little bit of movie news, the villain in the Elektra movie will be Typhoid Mary.

Next Issue...Watch the Thorns

So, um, it's Thursday, and that's when the Nugget, NAIT's newspaper, comes out. As you may recall, I submitted this week's article, The Loser's Point of View, for publication. And, lo and behold, it was published. Reaction was, well, quite mixed.

Here. I'd like to quote the editor of the Nugget who took in this little dig at me at the end:

"Editor's note: Mark, you're writing style is pretty good, I love it in fact. But in person, you creep me out. You're kind of a Bob Layton meets Forrest Gump kind of guy. I mean in that in a good way...sort of. Thank you NAIT for not voting for Mark Cappis."

And, reaction among my classmates has been highly negative. Some say that's it's not the professional thing to do, ripping on politicians and giving them no opportunity to reply. My response to them? It's political satire. It's no different that Rick Mercer ripping on Paul Martin.

Others say that I took some unfair swipes at my own. I do rip on them a bit over there somewhat...weak coverage of the election. And again, I really don't care. Yeah, it was weak. But it's not like they had the opportunity to do any meaningful coverage anyway. IT ONLY LASTED A WEEK! I don't know. I guess it's OK for me to rip on them on our little station, but when I do it in the paper, it's murder! How dare I do it in a medium that people actually follow!

Meh.

I ran into a couple of the NAITSA VPs, and they personally loved it. They think it was pretty good. One of them also worked for the paper, and they've warned me that quite a few venemous responses have already been sent in. I'm ready for it. After the couple of weeks I've been through, I'm ready.

"You're kind of a Bob Layton meets Forrest Gump kind of guy." That's going on the dust jacket of my first book!

Next Issue...The Most Hated Man at NAIT...for the next 2 days.

Back in school. Hating every minute.

I was drowning my sorrows in the latest issue of Star Trek Communicator. They have an interesting article about the Cardassians. The Cardassians have been one of the biggest villains in Star Trek, yet they have yet to reach the fame or noteriety of the Klingons and Borg. Why is that? The explaination given was that the Cardassians never fell back on an archtype. E.g. Klingons = warriors, Borg = zombies, but the Cardassians don't fall back on anything like that. In fact, the article goes on to say that the Cardassians are the most like us, hence that's why they're not identifiable.

Anyway, Enterprise was a rerun last night, so I got to watch Corner Gas. Last night, on the show, they did one of those little in-jokes that I always expect in cartoons, but I never see coming in live-action. The plot was a stand-up comic was coming to their small town of Dog River, so they were talking about stand-up comedy, and the subject soon turned to improv comedy:

Mechanic guy>> Improv comedy is good. I used to like that show, "Whose Line Is It Anywho?"
Brent>> Yeah, I liked that show, too. But I got sick of the bald guy. He's made a cameo in everything.

[Enter Colin Mochrie]
Colin>> Hey Brent!
Brent>> Hey.
[Exit Colin Mochrie]

My God! I was laughing my ass off! Snide crossovers like that are usually confined to the pages of Twisted ToyFare Theatre. And it continued to the end of the show, too. The subplot concerned the formation of the town's first book club, so at the end, lampooning those serious sitcom endings, Brent was recommending some of the books read in the show. And then, out of nowhere...

[Enter Colin Mochrie]
Colin>> So, yeah! Pick up a book! Reading is cool! (gives cheezy thumbs up)
Brent stares at Colin in disbelief for a while. He turns back to face the camera
Brent>> My God! He's in everything!

And the show ended.

Anyway, got some movie news. Spider-Man 2 has been pushed ahead! No longer coming out July 2, it's now coming out June 30. And, advance buzz has already been so good for Spider-Man 2, that Sony has officially announced Spider-Man 3 for May 2007.

Oh, and I heard this one on the radio this morning, so put this in pure rumour. Because of the success of The Passion of the Christ, people want to cash in. And, of course, the best way to cash in (and offer a light-hearted alternative) is to make a spoof. But, rather than make a spoof, they're just thinking about doing a massive theatrical re-release of Monty Python's Life of Brain.

Next Issue...Enter Colin Mochrie

Oh, happy day! Disney has announced the next three Hayo Miyazaki films that they're bringing to North America. Disney's hard at work at dubbing:

Nausicaä of the Valley of Wind, Porco Rosso and My Neighbor Totoro!

Each one will be 2-disc special editions, featuring the entire storyreel for the film on disc 2. Rosso and Totoro will have all-new 5.1 surround sound mixes, and Nausicaa will have only the original mono sound mix. Plus, each one will have the original Japanese language tracks. More bonus materials are To Be Announced.

And it all comes out on August 31.

Plus some more DVD news. DVD documentary artisan Kevin Burns has just been hired by George Lucas to do a new "making of" documentary for the upcoming Star Wars box set. For DVDs, Burns has made documentaries ranging from the making of Cleopatra to a bio on Marilyn Monroe.

Cool.

Now, I have to go hand out flyers like a schoolgirl in front of Shinjuku station.

Next Issue...Sorry, no tissues.

My life is gripped in melancholy. I've lost my love for radio.

I drown my sorrows in my new addication. NAIT's cafeteria now makes sushi trays. Granted, it's not god sushi, but it reminds me of a far off place.

Oh, and Mr. Anderson had to send me the news. It's official. Now that Robert Rodriguiz has quit the director's guild, Quentin Tarintino has joined Sin City as a third co-director.

And some DVD news. On June 1, we will be getting not one, but two new DVD versions of Spider-Man. The "Deluxe Edition" looks to be nothing more than a re-package of the 2-disc special edition out now. The "Superbit" edition follows the trend of all Superbit DVDs: the disc is completely devoid of bonus features, and the extra disc space is used to max out the picture and sound quality.

But, bucking the trend, there will be one bonus feature on the "Superbit" DVD: a running commentary with star Tobey Maguire.

Next Issue...Sleepy Man

Well, folks, it's that time of the night. I've got my latest column up. I'm sure that you'll agree that this one is a much-expected insane rant. Yes, it's all about my recent election campaign. This one is called The Loser's Point of View:

"The administration doesn’t listen to us! I’ll lower student fees! It’s time for a change!

Oh. Hello. You caught me writing my presidential campaign speech for next year. I know, I know. You’re thinking, “But…that sounds like the speeches that we just heard. How can it be next year’s?” That’s the one thing I’m finding really funny. I’ve been through university already and bore witness to four presidential campaigns. Now, it’s five years later and at a different school. I’m quite literally in a different time and place. And the speeches and promises were exactly the same."

And yes, it has been submitted to the Nugget, NAIT's student paper, for publication. Don't wait until the paper comes out on Thursday, though. Read it all now!

Next Issue...Whiney Dog

Well, I watched my Saturday morning cartoons, and as always, it has led to some pop culture obeservations.

It was a rerun of Justice League, but it was one of my favourite episodes. A Better World told the tale of the Justice Lords, a parallel universe version of the Justice League who siezed power to become absolute rulers of Earth. Then, they come to our universe, conquer the Justice League, and seek to bring their version of order to our universe. Naturally, the League won't stand for that. Anyway, there's this battle royale near the end, where evil Wonder Woman is about to deliver the death blow to good Batman. Good Wonder Woman sees this, takes off her tiara, and hurls it with enough force at evil Wonder Woman to knock evil Wonder Woman flat on her ass. The tiara then makes a graceful loop in the air and returns to good Wonder Woman. I always wonder if that scene was thrown in as an homage to Sailor Moon.

Right now, I'm watching The Princess Bride on TV. It's the late movie on the Women's Network. I've always had an idea for a similar movie. I got the idea when I'd watch Trouble's role-playing games in university and she'd chastise me for constantly heckling her and her players. Same kind of thing, only instead of a grandfather reading a story to his grandson, it's the players playing their game. I just think it has enough storytelling potential to seperate it from The Princess Bride. For example, each player character has a counterpart in the game; their character. The nerdiest one could have a counterpart in the biggest, beefiest warrior.

And I just always had this great idea for a scene. One of the game characters is an archer. He draws his bow and takes aim. We cut out to the players, where the game master says, "Now, roll this die to see if you hit the target or not." The player rolls the die, and at the same time, the archer lets his arrow fly. We cut back and forth between the arrow in flight and the die tumbling in slow motion. Finally, the die comes to a rest on 1. The game master says those dreaded words: "The arrow...misses." We cut back to our warriors, they see the arrow missing the target, and the archer screams, "NOOOOOOOOO!"

My idea. Don't steal it.

And, a story about Entwistle. Out and about, and I ran into, let's call him, Mr. Blue. Now, Mr. Blue is infamous in the community not because he's a self-published author who can't sell his books. No, it's because Mrs. Blue is his cousin. Yes, in Entwistle, we actually boast a family where the husband and wife are first cousins. They actually had to go to
Scotland for the wedding because marrying your cousin is legal over there.

When I was in Japan, my upstairs neighbour was Scottish. He worked for the rival English school down the street. One day, he shared the tale about how he was at a wedding and was accidentally hitting on a cousin. Naturally, I launched into, "Well, I thought that kind of thing was legal in Scotland." He said, "It is. How do you know?" and I told him the tale of the Blue family. He just said, "Well, just because something is legal, that doesn't mean it's right."

So, my question is, is this tale more telling about Entwistle or Scotland?

And before I go to bed, just one link to pass along. Check out this image. Yeah, I know the last two movies sucked, but my heart always beats a little quicker when I see the teaser image of the latest movie. I think this is just cool.

Next Issue...Scarecrow Begins

The morning's movie news:

The Green Hornet - Kevin Smith revealed that, for his movie version of "The Green Hornet," he will be creating a new villain. This is because, on the original radio show and TV show, the Green Hornet fought little more than 2-bit con men and gyp artists. And, in the breif and little-read comics, there's really no one memorable.

Sin City - Robert Rodreiguiz has quit the Director's Guild of America over this film! Why? Well, Rodreiguiz wanted to have "Sin City" creator Frank Miller as a co-director. The DGA has a firm policy of "one director per film," unless they grant a special waiver. The DGA refused to grant a special waver for Miller, so Rodreiguiz quit the guild. Rumor has it now that Rodreiguiz is considering bringing on his friend Quentin Tarintino as a third co-director.

Some news about TV:

CSI: New York - A few character descriptions about the new CSI show. The chief of New York's CSI, named Calucci, is going to be a lot more rough and tumble than his counterparts, Grissom and Caine. One scene in the pilot has Calucci doing the ol' cop show standard of chasing a suspect across rooftops and leaping from building to building.

Insane rant about TV:

All sitcoms suck. I am reminded of this every time my mother makes me watch the Reba McIntyre Show. I was actually reading a few days ago about how TV analysists figure that the sitcom is dying. The last "big thing" in sitcoms was when Friends made it's debut 10 years ago. Since then, every "next big thing" has died a quick and painful death. (Quick for them, painful for us.)

For a while, it looked like the sitcom was going to be replaced by "the filmed comedy." This is a half-hour comedy that uses the filming and storytelling techniques more common to a one-hour drama. The pioneer of this style was Malcolm in the Middle, and every one that came since has also died a quick and painful death.

So, yeah. Sitcoms suck.

Next Issue...Sitcoms still suck

As y'all know, going to NAIT is my second time through the whole post-secondary education thing, the first time being Augustana in the late-90s. Thing is, even though I'm now in a different time and space, the lines between NAIT and Augustana occasionally get blurry.

Today, a friend and I were going over a news story we had to write for our news class. For this news story, I was referring quite heavily to an article in NAIT's student paper. After I'd made the fifth reference to this article, my friend said, "OK, what is this Dag thing you're talking about? I don't read it."

NAIT's student paper is called the Nugget.
Augustana's student paper is called the Dagligtale, or the Dag for short.

Throughout our whole conversation, I kept calling the Nugget "the Dag."

That's not all. There have been a couple times during the show when I called NR92 "CLCR."

So different, yet so similar.

Next Issue...Argumentative

Movie news:

- Tom Cruise and Steven Spielberg are going to be making a new film classic of H.G. Wells' classic novel, the War of the Worlds. Naturally, Spielberg is directing and Cruise is starring.

- George Clooney is This close to signing on to play Thomas Magnum in a new movie version of Magnum P.I.. Michael McCuisters, who co-wrote the Austin Powers movies, is writing the script, so it's a safe bet that it'l have a slightly comic bent, like the movie versions of Charlie's Angels and Starsky and Hutch. Whatever happens, they just got to get Tom Sellick in there somewhere, though. Rumours of a Magnum movie began as soon as the show ended.

Next Issue...Rubber Balls

DVDs that come out today that I really, really, REALLY want:

The Flintstones: The Complete First Season

The Last Unicorn

Godzilla x. Mechagodzilla (I fought for the poster! Now watch it in English!)

Next Issue...Godzilla x Markagodzilla

Well, I mentioned in an assignment that I'm starting to use this to store my show prep notes, so I'd better add something other than Pokemon rants lest my instructors surf by:

- Now this I find interesting. As I've reported earlier, McDonald's has begun phasing out the supersize. But, here in Canada, we never had a true supersize. In the US, "large" and "supersize" were 2 seperate sizes. But here in Canada, we've always had three sizes: small, medium, and supersize. So, here in Canada, the phasing out of the supersize has consisted of simply changing the name of "supersize" back to "large."

- My personal rant: I've always had this brillian idea, and I think it's time to implement it. Fast food restaurants always said, "You can supersize that for 39 cents extra!" and they'd boost the size of your fries and drink from regular to supersize (or, here in Canada, large). Well, if people are more health conscious, why don't the clerks say, "You can downsize that for 39 cents less!" and then your fries and drink would be bumped down to small.

- Speaking of bumping things down to small, as part of this smaller portions trend, Pepsi has just introduced the 237 mL can. That's 2/3 the size of a regular pop can. People are already complaining that this "Baby Pepsi" is too small.

- Starbucks has just opened several stores with the ability to sell the muzak they play on custom-made CDs. A 5-song CD will cost $6.99, with extra songs for 99 cents each. Right now, you buy the CDs on a per-track basis, but complete albums will be sold in the future. Starbucks says they're doing this because so many people have asked about the music they play in their stores. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Starbucks is evil.

- And, in news that doesn't have to do with conveinence food, Liberal MP Pat O'Brian is about to table a private members bill calling for the formation of a holiday sometime between New Years and Easter, to help people get through the midwinter blues. Although his bill calls for the day off to be chosen in a nationwide poll, O'Brian's personal choice is St. Patrick's Day. O'Brian does have strong Irish roots, and as he indicates, Ireland is one of the founding nations recognized in Canada's coat of arms. Some interesting notes: St. Patrick's Day is already a stat holiday in Newfoundland & Labradour, where 60% of the population is Irish. And, of course, here in Alberta we already have our midwinter holiday: Family Day.

I have more, but I'll write it when I get to school

Next Issue...At School

Wow. It's been a few days. I've just been awful busy. I spent Saturday on a film set. A few TV kids asked me to be in their music video. I'm certain there's a column in that.

But not this weeks! This week is the appropriatly titled A Collection of Unrelated Paragraphs Thrown Together at the Last Minute Because I Realized I Didn’t Have a Column to Publish this Week. Here's a sample:

It’s not that I have writer’s block. It’s that I don’t feel like writing. All my writing energy right now is being spent at school. Writing scripts for commercials, writing proposals for clients, writing news stories, writing reports about how to make my show better, writing my stop sets. Yes, writing my stop sets. My announcing instructor is very fond of having us script everything. For those who don’t know, a “stop set” is that break on the radio where the music stops and the DJ does his announcing. My instructor actually wants me to spend the 10 minutes when the music’s playing writing out, “The Tractors on NR92. I’m Mark Cappis. It’s 9:10 and -5 outside. Now I have to say something interesting here to entice you to keep listening. Aerosmith is coming up next.” My instructor’s logic is if we write down what we want to say, then we can spend all our time focusing on the delivery. I agree with that, but I’ve always been of the mind that jotting down point form notes about what you want to say is just as good. There’s no need to write out every single sentence. At least, that’s just my way of doing things, which won me a wallful of plaques from high school speech competitions. But that’s just me.


Read it all!

Next Issue...Freak Out!

First, news for my brother. Then, news for me:

News for my brother: The Dodge Corporation has announced that they're bringing back the Chrager. The Dodge Charger was one of the company's classic muscle cars from the 1960s and 70s. It was immortalized as the General Lee on The Dukes of Hazzard. The new Charger will be on roads by 2006.

News for me: One of my favourite animes has finally come to North America. The first volume of Galaxy Angel has just been released. In Japan, I'd watch it every Sunday morning at 9:30 (if I was up that early). It was a hilarious show, following the exploits of an all-girl galactic fighter squadron, and how they're current mission would always wind up being put on the wayside for some ridiculous thing. Very funny. On DVD now. Check it out!

Next Issue...The Dream Time

One more thing I want to jot down to remember to say on tomorrow's shift:

Gary Sinise, who was Lt. Dan in "Forrest Gump," looks to be the star of the latest "CSI" spin-off, "CSI: New York."

Oh, and I probably won't have a radio show tomorrow as a mandatory meeting for all presidential candidates is right smack dab in the middle of my show.

Next issue...Pikachu Strikes!

Wow! I've got a lot I want to share today. It's been stacking up inside me all day. First, DVD News:

George Lucas's first film, THX-1138, is finally coming to DVD later this year. In true George Lucas fashion, the film will boast over 400 new and updated FX shots.

DVD news for my brother: Coming out on June 1, The Dukes of Hazzard: The Complete First Season.

The long-awaited super special edition of Tim Burton's Batman will come out in summer 2005, to tie in with Christopher Nolan's new Batman film.

The much-demanded DVD boxed sets of Batman: The Animated Series will probably come out later this year, along with the Superman cartoon and the 1970s Wonder Woman.

Negotiations are underway to bring Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman to DVD.

Now, movie news:

Judy Blume has just signed a massive deal with Disney. Blume's most famous book is perhaps Are You There God? It's Me, Margret. The first film Disney will make in this deal is Deenie.

Space news:

Everyone is turning into an amateur Mars-ologist, thanks to the photos of Mars that have been sent back by the Spirit and Opportunity rovers. People have called NASA to share that, in the photos, they've found: letters carved into rocks, dinosaur fossils, and sea creature fossils. The most famous of all has to be the image of a white rabbit that many claim to have seen. NASA claims that the rabbit debris from the rover's landing. Other say that NASA is trying to cover up this discovery of life on Mars. And one lone nut has claimed that the Mars rover ran down the bunny, and that NASA's covering up the first interplanetary roadkill.

Misc. news that I want to share on my radio shift tomorrow morning:

While browsing through Kingsway Garden Mall, I spied a girl's T-shirt emblazoned with the slogan, "What Boys Do." Do young women really want to advertise themselves as what boys do?

Next Issue...No Show

As I've probably told all of you, Kevin Smith's next film will be his first action film, the long-awaited big screen version of The Green Hornet. I read this interview with him this morning about doing an action film:

I hired a great A.D. (Assistant Director) and a great 2nd A.D. because the 2nd unit apparently is really important on these movies. It was a big secret. They were like "kevin, you won't direct everything. You'll have a second unit director who will do a lot of the big action stuff." I said "Get the fuck out of here! Does anyone know about this? Is this legit?" They're like "Totally!" I was like {"Bryan Singer did that on the 'X-Men 2' movie?" They were like "Bryan Singer barely shot that movie." Who knows if they were lying or not but I was like "Get out of here! Really?" Because that, to me, means I can spend a lot more time at home. Somebody's off making a movie and I get credit for it later. So I surround myself with people who really know how to pull that shit off. We'll get a great effects house to do CG stuff. We'll have a pretty cool movie.

I'm just hired as the guy who makes sure that the movie's interesting when there's not shit going on. When there's not an action sequence. Often times in these flicks you wind up with characters who aren't nearly as interesting as the villains. Or characters who are interesting when they're in costume. It'll be nice to actually give it a shot and try to make a flick where you care more about the dude before he's in costume than when he's in costume. Which is kind of like "Spider-Man" to me. I liked Spider-Man up until the point where he put on his suit and I was like "Fuck this!" Just give me more Peter Parker.

Check out the whole interview at Hero Realm:
Right here.

Next Issue...*sigh*

Latest column's up! Continuing with this weekend's theme, it's called Today's Obsession: The Pokemon Films:

"So, I finally bought the fifth Pokémon movie on DVD: Pokémon Heroes. I was threatening that I’d do this someday, so I think that today is the day. I’m going to sit here and review all five Pokémon movie DVDs! Actually, it’s thanks to the Pokémon movies that I cemented my reputation as a movie news god. We were in line to see Episode I, and the latest issue of ToyFare was being passed around. They were talking to the folks at Hasbro about Pokémon toys, and one of the questions asked was, “Will there be toys based on the upcoming movie?” One of my friends – a real anime snob – said, “Wha? There’s a movie?” And I said, “Well, like several other anime television programs, Pokémon has proven popular enough to spawn several feature films. The first one, entitled Mewtwo Strikes Back, is currently being dubbed for a straight-to-video release. But, if the Pokémon fad continues to grow, it’ll probably get released to theatres.” At this, my friend groaned, and six months later, I was in line to watch Pokémon: the First Movie. So, let’s get on with the reviews!"

Gotta Read It All!

Next Issue...I Choose You!

I'm growing more obsessed with Pokemon 6 and wondering if I'll ever get to see it someday. Yeah, #5 got a limited theatrical release and didn't do very well, but it has been selling amazingly well on DVD. So, it's still booming in the straight-to-video market.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Pokemon represents my ideal life. Just wandering around, all I need in my backpack and no want for money. My only companions are my best friend, a girl who lies in the wonderfully grey area between "friend" and "more than friend," and an array of magic creatures. Not a care in the world, and my only concern is what over's the next hill.

Let's do this someday. Are there two people out there who want to walk the TransCanada trail with me?

Next Issue...Snorlax strikes

So, I'm continuing the Pokemon obsession that began when I bought movie #5 the other day, and it's just continuing now that I've seen the first episode of season 6, Pokemon Advance. I was geeking out over the whole thing. It was weird seeing the opening credits sequence that I was so familiar with in Japan, now re-edited and with an English theme song. But, it was great seeing how things all began for Ash in the Hoenn region! And I do so love to share.

Let's Get the Show on the Road - The episode opens with our introduction to May, Ash's new female companion. She's riding her bike down the road, and in an aside, she tells us her story. It's her 10th birthday, meaning she is now of legal age to go on a Pokemon journey. So, she's off to see Professor Birch and get her first pokemon. At this point, she's spooked by a ghost pokemon and runs into a tree. Now, she tells us the truth. She doesn't really like pokemon. She's young and consumed with wanderlust, and she figures that a pokemon journey is the perfect excuse to get out and travel the world. She stops on a hilltop and watches a cruise ship pull into the docks at Littleroot Town.

On that crusie ship is our hero, Ash Ketchum, and he's very worried. Pikachu is deathly ill after last week's battle with Team Rocket, so Ash is desperate for the ship to get to Littleroot Town so he can take Pikachu to the Pokemon Center. Also on the ship are Team Rocket, but Jessie is in the throws of an existential quandry. "We've followed that twerp and tried to catch Pikachu for so long now," she says to James. "Is this all there is to life? We've now followed that kid halfway across the world! Why? Why do we do this?" James just kind of says, "Because we do."

The ship docks in Littleroot Town, and Ash is horrified to discover that the town doesn't have a Pokemon Centre. Knowing he needs help, Ash calls up Professor Oak's colleage in the Hoenn Region, Professor Birch. Ash calls Birch's lab and talks to Joshua, Brich's assistant. Joshua tells Ash to sit tight and he'll send Professor Birch down right away. Ash gets comfy. Pikcahu sleeps a restless sleep in Ash's arms. Then, a jeep comes tearing down the streets! It stops and out steps a big, bearded man. It's Professor Birch! Ash and Pikachu get into the jeep and the go flying back to Birch's lab. Along the way, Birch asks Ash if Pikachu had come into contact with any large magnetic fields lately. Ash says yeah, in last week's episode, Team Rocket's latest Pikachu-catcher used a giant electromagnet to restrain Pikachu. Birch says that's the problem. The electomagnet threw off Pikachu's ability to safely discharge his electricity. Now, it's all building up inside Pikachu. They have to drain off Pikachu's excess power. At this point, Pikachu begins struggling in Ash's arm. Pikachu's illness is making him delusional.

They arrive at Birch's lab and Joshua has the equipment ready. They lay Pikachu on the exam table and hook-up the electrodes. They throw the switch and begin draining Pikachu's power. But, Pikachu has too much power! The machine can't take it all! The machine explodes and, in his sick, delusional state, Pikcahu jumps out the window and makes a run for it. Ash goes after, but tells Birch that he's got no Pokemon to help bring in Pikachu. Birch grabs the pokemon he was saving for May to choose from and goes after Ash. Birch goes after Ash and tells the news. The build-up of electricity is worse than he thought. If they're not very gentle in capturing Pikachu, Pikachu will explode.

At this point, May shows up at Birch's lab, and Joshua tells her the situation. May goes off to help.

Ash and Birch split up to cover more ground. Birch slips and tumbles over a ledge, where he disturbs an angry pack of Poocheynas. (Wolf pokemon.) Birch climbs a tree for safety and is stuck. At this point, May shows up. Birch tells May to choose a pokemon from his bag (which he dropped when he fell over the ledge) and use a pokemon to fight off the Poocheynas. May selects a Mudkip, but her disinterest in pokemon shows when she accidentally unleashes Mudkip's attacks on herself. Birch manages to escape from the tree and uses Mudkip himself.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the forest, Ash finds Pikachu. But, in his delusional state (I love saying "Pikachu's delusional state), Pikachu sees Ash as being a monster, and unleashes a massive Thuderbolt on Ash. Birch and May spot this and go running over. Birch and May show up to find both Ash and Pikachu unconscious. Birch cautiously approaches Pikachu but Pikachu wakes up! Still delusional, Pikachu leaps off a cliff! Ash wakes up and jumps after!

After commercial, Ash catches Pikachu and grabs onto a branch hanging from the side of the cliff. Birch and May throw down a rope and Ash starts climbing up. But, Pikachu wakes up! The delusional Pikachu begins fighing Ash, even biting Ash! Ash starts speaking very calmly to Pikachu. Thanks to Ash's reassuring voice, Pikachu awakens from his delusional state. Ash and Pikachu make it to the top, and now, Pikachu is ready to go back to Birch's lab and get healed.

But, Team Rocket shows up with their latest Pikachu catching machine! But what's the point, Jessie muses. They'll just screw it up and go blasting off again. Meowth figures this time they've got it in the bag. They easily catch the weakend Pikachu and throw on their machine. This is an energy-draining machine! It'll drain off Pikachu's electricity and make Pikachu more managable. They begin draining the energy, but there's soooo much! It starts overloading the machinery! And soon, it's not long before Pikachu's energy levels are back to normal! Jessie is amazed at how much energy Pikachu had stored and is reminded. THIS is why it's so important to catch Pikachu! With this power on their side.... Yes! Now back to normal, Pikachu throws off a Thundershock and sends Team Rocket blasting off again. The Thundershock also destroys May's bike, much to May's dismay. Pikachu collapses, completely drained.

Back in the lab, Professor Birch gives the prognosis. Team Rocket's energy-draining machine was just what Pikachu needed! After a good night's sleep, Pikachu should be back to normal. Now, with this done, Birch and May can ge down to the task of selecting May's first pokemon. Ash figures he's got to be a part of this so he can glimpse some Hoenn region pokemon. First, May looks over a Treeko; a grass pokemon. "Too icky," she declares. Then, she looks at the Mudkip; the same one that accidentally attacked her before. Too many bad memories there. The last one is a fire-type; the chicken-esque Torchick. Torchick takes an instant liking to May, and the feelings mutual. She utters those magic words, "Torchick, I choose you!" (But under her breath, she mutters that she'd gladly give up all the pokemon in the world.)

The next morning, May starts gearing herself up. She's pissed over how her bike got destroyed by Pikachu, so she's going to ream out Ash and Pikachu. But once she sees the not-quite recovered Pikachu in bed, and Ash, who was by Pikachu's bedside all night, she figures now's not really the best time to tear a strip off them. She goes outside at gets to know Torchick a little better. Soon, Ash and Pikachu come out, and Pikachu and Torchick become fast friends. Ash says that Pikachu's made his first friend in the Hoenn region. May looks at how well Pikachu is getting along with Torchick, then looks at the charred remains of her bike. Under her breath, she mutters, "Meh, it's just a bike. Who cares?"

After breakfast, Ash and May are ready to set out on their journey. Birch suggests they go to the closest Pokemon Center in Oldale Town, so they can register in Hoenn League. May, reluctant to go alone because her bike was destroyed, suggests that she and Ash should make the trip together. Ash agrees, and they set out for Oldale Town! To be continued....

And thus begins Pokemon Advance!

And since I'm so obsessed right now, I had to do some research online, and was delighted to find, coming to Japanese theaters on July 17...Pokemon 7.

Next Issue...Delusional Pikachu

Lots of fascinating stuff!

First, the movie news.

Bryan Singer, he who made the X-films, has just announced his next project! Sorry, it's not X3. Singer's next is a remake of Logan's Run. If you've never seen it, I recommend it. It's the quintessential cheezy 1970s sci-fi film. See, in the post-apocolyptic future, the remnants of humanity live in a giant domed city. And, to keep the population under control, you die when you hit 30. Naturally, some people don't like this, so a cop named Logan is dispatched to infiltrate these rebels and shut them down. But, he begins to sympathize, and soon he's trying to escape from the city. Singer's new film is going to be more faithful to the original novel. And in the novel, you die at 21.

Now, random oberservation news:

I finally bought Pokemon 5 on DVD, and was geeking out throughout the whole thing. The first time I saw it was a year and a half ago when it was first released in Japan. And now, I finally saw it in English! The one thing that really made me geek out, though, was the fact that they didn't rescore it for North America! Original music, baby! Well, the only change was the one or two banal J-pop tunes were replaced with one or two banal, discount bin pop tunes. And when I was in Japan, I was always so tempted to buy the soundtrack. I don't know. These North American dubs had much higher production values when Warner Brothers was doing the dubbing. Miramax looks like they don't care.

And while Pokemon 5 is one of the lesser of the Pokefilms, it will always be the best Pokemon film experience for me. I mean, I saw it when it first came out in Japan. I saw it on a matinee when it was just me and a few dozen schoolkids who had skipped class. I had very little idea what was going on. But you know what? It was almost a cooler film when I didn't know what was going on.

But yeah. If I remember right, Miramax's deal to distribute the films in North America ended with 5. So that means we need a distributor for #6! I've said it before and I'll say it again. When I got the call from AEON two weeks before I left offerening me an emergency teacher position, the only "pro" I had on my "pro/con" list was, "I'll be able to stay in Japan long enough to see Pokemon 6." They had begun running TV spots for it, darn it!

And I always wonder about Pokemon. In 10 years, when everyone who's currently 12 is 22, will Pokemon have a similar following like how Transformers has a following now? Probably.

Anyway, after I watched Pokemon 5, I watched Kiki's Delivery Service again. That is one of the most charming films I've ever seen! It's just something about Japanese animation. It's like, here in North America, we've grown to be a very cynical society. And that cynisism leads to films like Shrek and Teacher's Pet. But it seems like Japan is still a very innocent society; one that still believes in magic. And it shows in their film. From the top films of Miyazaki to the bottom-of-the-barrel that are the Pokemon films, there is an honesty and a truth to the magic. It's not treated cynically.

And I think that's cool.

Next Issue: Latios and Latias - Guardians of Water

And now, the news.

In an effort to combat obesity, McDonald's has announced that they're phasing out the supersize. Clerks are going to stop asking, "Would you like to supersize that?" and it'll be taken off the menu completely by the end of the year.

The day after McDonald's made this announcement, a man named Morgan Spurlock began doing promotional interviews for his film. His film is called Super Size Me: A Film of Epic Proportions. What's this film about? Well, I'm glad you asked.

Back when McDonald's was first sued for causing obesity, McDonald's used the defence that they're food is actually healthy. Spurlock said to himself, "Oh, really?" and decided to eat nothing but McDonald's food for a month. What happened to Spurlock? He gained 25 pounds and his cholesterol shot up 60 points. This is the anchor of his documentary, which is about the growing obesity problem in the USA. The film has won an award at the Sundance Film Festival, and it's gearing up for a major release.

McDonald's claims their decision to ax the supersize has nothing to do with this film.

Be sure to watch for Super Size Me, coming soon to a theatre near you.

You know, I once had a great idea for McDonald's; all fast food restaurants, really. I do so love the combo meals, but I find that, somedays, just the regular size fries and the regular cola you get is too much. So, I figure if supersize bumps it up one larger, we should be able to downsize and get one size smaller. How would like to hear that from a McClerk? "You can downsize for 39 cents less." I think it's bloody brilliant.

Next Issue...Down Size it.

And the Bat-news just keeps coming! Another real actor has just joined the cast of the next Batman movie. Gary Oldman will play the young Lt. Gordon. Wow.

And tomorrow's just going to be a crazy day. I've got classes, my first campaign speech, I have to conduct two interviews for another project, and get some my posters made up for campaigning.

And all before 1pm.

Wow.

Next Issue...Boom!

I think it's time to attempt my grand sociological experiment.

I first hatched this idea in Japan, as I read the personal ads in Metropolis; Tokyo's free weekly English magazine. I'd always read the personal ads and laugh at them. They were always so pathetic. "Lonely white guy seeks hot Japanese woman." And then, one day, I stumbled across one that was so much like my situation I couldn't stand it: a virgin seeking his "first time."

I then started wondering about this guy. How many responses did he receive? I figured the best way to do it would be to run my own personal ad. I would run an ad similar, set up a hotmail account to receive responses, and then wait to see if anyone did actually reply.

I outlined this all in a column I never published, mainly because I started writing better ones.

So, here at NAIT, their student paper has something called the Grapevine, which is where all students can submit three or four lines of stuff they want to rant about. (To my fellow Augustana alumni, think Three Lines Free.) Many of them are, "Hey baby, I think you're hot, let's hook up and make sweet love," and then they never sign their name. This would be the perfect place to attempt my experiment. I've just got to try this.

Anyway, more Marvel movie news:

Spider-Man 3 - Marvel is already targeting a Summer 2007 release.

Elektra - Starts filming in May.

Iron Man - Starts filming near the end of summer.

Fantastic Four - Still looking for a director.

Luke Cage - John Singleton is directing. He brought us such gritty urban dramas as Boys n the Hood. His last film was the craptacular action sequel 2 Fast 2 Furious.

Next Issue...Showtime

Morning Movie News!

The Chronicles of Narnia - Disney has just signed on to be the worldwide distributor and co-financer of C.S. Lewis's classic series of fantasy novels. Andrew Adamson, director of the Shrek films, has already been writing and preparing to direct, and New Zealand's WETA Workshop, the FX wizards behind The Lord of the Rings are doing the effects.

Toy Story 3 - Speaking of da mouse, now that Pixar's off their back and they still own the sequel rights to the Toy Story films, Disney has begun brainstorming ideas for a Toy Story 3. This is doomed to failure without Pixar.

A Princess of Mars - This will be the next for Robert Rodreiguiz after Sin City. This is another series of fantasy novels that Hollywood has also tried to make for some time. Princess is the first in a series of novels about John Carter, an old-west gunslinger who is magically transported to Mars, and finds the Red Planet to be a bizzare fantasy world full of mythical beasts, magical princess and the like. Of course, in order to survive here, Carter becomes a Conan-type warrior and, thanks to the lower gravity on Mars, he can jump around like Spider-Man. The John Carter books were written by Edgar Rice Burroughs, who is, of course, more famous for creating Tarzan.

Next Issue...Mark of Mars

So, my parents are taking off on Wednesday night, and I'm going to be home alone until Saturday morning. Naturally, I'm scanning the pay-per-view menu for the rest of the week seeing if there's anything worth ordering. I've narrowed it down to either Once Upon a Time in Mexico or All Asian Girls part 7. Oh, decisions, decisions.

Maybe I'll just finally get Pokemon 5 on DVD and watch that instead.

As is my Monday night routine, I watched CSI: Miami. I just love the way David Caruso talks. It's similar to William Shatner, but not on the syllable by syllable. See, Caruso talks very...very...slowly...like...he's...having trouble...finding the words and then it starts going really really fast likehe'sfiguredouteverythinghewantstosayandithastocomeoutNOWNOWNOW. And then...back to...slow. It's great!

Another thing I'm finding interesting right now are the reviews of Star Trek: Voyager - Season One. (Came out on DVD last week.) For a lot of the Trekkie reviewers, it's their first time seeing the first season of VOY since it first premiered. And the consensus tends to be: "OH MY GOD! Voyager was actually GOOD in its first season! It had so much potentail! What went wrong?" So, some are now looking forward to the upcoming releases just so they can start looking for the exact spot that VOY started to completely fall apart.

And I got my first grade for my radio announcing. 65%. Still making far too many rookie mistakes. I'm sounding conversational, though, which is one of the really tricky things.

Class average was 70%. Wow. So this is what it's like to be below average. It sucks.

Next Issue...Freak Off!