Just forget the words and sing along

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The Numbers on Undies for Christmas

I guess one of the good things about being perpetually trapped in the friend zone is that my female friends are just chalk full of advice for the day I start dating. One bit of advice that I've been remembering lately is that you never, ever buy lingerie for a woman.

As my friend explained it, it all comes down to the size. If you guess too big, you're telling your girlfriend that you wish she was curvier. If you guess too small, you're telling her to lose weight. "And that's why you never buy lingerie for a woman, unless you're absolutely sure of the size. Then it might be OK," she said, as she continued trying on bras in front of me, and I sat there wondering when if I'd ever have an opportunity to make a pass.

(OK, that last part never happened, I just thought it'd make for a funnier end to the story.)

I was reflecting on this advice because, as I put together my radio show every morning, a heck of a lot of "buying lingerie for a Christmas present" statistics have been coming across my desk. Looks like my friend was wrong about the "unless you're absolutely sure of the size" part, as lingerie is the #1 gift that women hate to get from men.

For completeness sake, the top 5 that women hate to get from men:

  1. Lingerie
  2. Cosmetics
  3. Perfume ("They never pick the right scent," says the study)
  4. Kitchen utensils
  5. Cheap jewelry. (I think the important part there is 'cheap.' I'm sure expensive stuff is still OK.)

Despite my friend's advice, and the above list, another study says 53% of men are planning on getting their wife or girlfriend lingerie for Christmas. As for what kind of lingerie they're going for, 41% says they're going to go for the super-sexy stuff, 21% say they're going to go for the basic, everyday stuff, and 14% say they're going to go for something unsexy, like flannel jammies.

Now, picking apart my friend's advice, she says it's OK if you get the size absolutely right. Of course, the logical way to learn your girlfriend's size would be to just ask her, but as another female friend told me, my problem is I'm a logical man in an illogical world. Of those planning to get lingerie for their wives and girlfriends for Christmas, a full 50% don't know her size. So how are they going to learn her size?

10% are going to bring along a female friend for help
30% are going to ask a clerk at the store for help.

And the remainder figure their know their significant other well enough, that they can just guess. Did I also mention that 20% of couples have broken up over bad gifts?

And speaking of bad gifts, if you still want to go with lingerie after all this, here's the top 4 types of lingerie that women hate getting as a gift:

  1. Crotchless panties
  2. Anything leather
  3. Edible underwear
  4. Fishnets

And at the risk of being practical, it seems like buying lingerie as a gift is a waste of money, as 25% of women wear it just once, and another 20% never wear it at all.

So if I may add to my friend's advice, after having now run the numbers. Never buy lingerie for Christmas. Unless you're absolutely sure of the size. And even then, it's still a bad idea.  Seriously.  Just grab the Blu-Ray of The Notebook or something like that.

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