Over at my official website, I just dusted off and did a new revision of my list of Disney animated films. And I'm sure Mr. Anderson is once again banging his head against a wall frustrated at how I just don't get it.

And here's some DVD news for my sister. My sister's all-time favourite movie is finally getting the 2-disc super-special edition treatment. On April 20, get ready for A League of Thier Own: Special Edition! This 2-disc set gets you:

- Running commentary with director Penny Marshall and various members of the cast
- 15 cut scenes, each with an introduction by Marshall
- An all new making-of documentary, entitled "Nine Exciting Innings."
- The music video for Madonna's theme song, "This Used to be My Playground"
- And, of course, the trailers

As is one of the newer trends of DVD, it'll be available in both widescreen and full screen versions. April 20!

For those who've never seen it, A League of Their Own follows the exploits of two sisters during World War II, as they're drafted to play in AAGPBL. See, all the baseball players started going to war, so a women's baseball major league was started, the All American Girls Professional Baseball League. Geena Davis and Lori Petty are the sisters and star players of the Rockford Peaches, Madonna plays the field (in both the baseball and sexual innuendo sense), and Tom Hanks steals the show as the washed-up former ball player who's the team manager.

If you want to find out more about the AAGPBL, a documentary about it was made in the late 80s, and it was also called A League of Their Own. In fact, it's the documentary that inspired the movie.

And the movie inspired a really crappy half-hour comedy/drama that only lasted 6 episodes. Who knows? With the way DVD works today, strong sales of A League of Their Own: Special Edition just might lead to A League of Their Own: The Complete Series.

Next Issue...A League of MY Own

Various tidbits on the upcoming "Star Wars" DVDs:

- The films will be the 1997 Special Editions and not the originals.
- Each film will have a new running commentary with George Lucas and others (the others to be decided)
- The bonus material disc will have an all-new, feature-length documentary about the making of the trilogy, and feature all kinds of never-before-seen behind-the-scenes footage
- And althought not confirmed, it's pretty much a given that they'll have special DVD-ROM weblinks, just like the "Episode I & II" DVDs.

More as it develops.

Next Issue...Showtime!

Two big bits of movie and DVD news:

The Star Wars Trilogy - At long last, the trilogy comes to DVD! It'll follow the format of the "Indiana Jones Trilogy," in that it'll be a big boxed set of all three films, with all the bonus material on a fourth disc. What that bonus material will be is still unknown. The big day is September 21.

The Simpsons: The Movie - In a recent interview, "Simpsons" producer Mike Reiss said that a script for a feature length "Simpson" movie has been written! He says summer 2006 is the most likely release date, and that it's like the "South Park" movie, in that it's a "bigger, longer, amplified version of the show."

Next Issue...Blarg

So I'm indulging my inner child. I've spent the past week looking for the most appropriate valentines to give to my classmates. I had it narrowed down to either Hulk valentines or Disney Princesses. To tell the truth, I really wasn't satisfied with either. Hulk seemed a little violent, and as much as I love Disney, giving a Disney princess valentine to one of my big hulking male classmates felt a little...gay. Then, way in the back of the shelf, I found...the Simpsons valentines! Needless to say, everyone was satisfied.

But, since I was in Kingsway Garden Mall, I decided to swing by the Disney store. Now, as much as I love Disney, I've always felt put-off by what they sell in the Disney Stores. Everything seems either too childish or to girly. There's nothing for the 18-35 male Disney fan! Until I was in there today. Now, I've noticed on past few visits that the Disney Stores have their own exclusive line of action figures entitled Disney Adventures. This is where you've got Aladdin, Tarzan, Hercules, and a few others all in their buff, action hero best. Never really bought one for my collection because they really didn't strike me. But then, when I was in there today, I noticed that they had...the Disney Adventure block figures! (For those who don't know, a "block figure" is an action figure done in the style of a Lego man, a Japanese Kubrick, any of those. "Block figure" is the blanket term to describe that style.) You'd get a 3-pack of figures and about a dozen accesories for an interactive play time. I thought, "Now hey, this rocks! This is something for the collection!" Then I saw the $20 price tag, and went, "Eww." Then I saw the sign that said, "75% off," and went "Yay! That's only $5! Perfect!" Then I remembered Mr. Anderson saying, "Disney is a big, evil corporation! If you buy anything from the Disney Store, I'll never speak to you again!" Well, he hasn't said that to me...yet. But he might. You never know.

I love how my best friend has gotten all political in his old age, but sometimes that makes him really fun to mess with:

Him>> McDONALD'S IS A TRULY EVIL CORPORATION! THEY ARE OUT TO RAPE AND PILLAGE THE WORLD ALL IN THE NAME OF THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR!, ALL WHILE SCREWING OVER THEIR EMPLOYEES!

Me>> Does that mean you don't want me to bring you back a Big Mac?

(Subtle thumps as he bangs his head against the wall.)

And before I go to supper, I said this today and one of my classmates figured I should put it on a greeting card: "Once you accept that you're going to crash and burn, your only concern becomes how big a crater you can make."

Next Issue...The Crater

"Weird Al" Yankovic's latest album, Poodle Hat, just won the Grammy for Best Comedy Album.

Thought you'd like to know.

Watching Batman Forever on TV. That movie gets stupider and stupider with each viewing.

But let's get to the latest column! This week's installment: The News is Our Hooker, The Truth is Her Pimp:

"I had just one goal when I went in to the program: be a DJ. But now that I’m in there, I find that there a lot of other options I can go with. If being a DJ doesn’t cut it, I can always be a writer; try to make a living doing this. Of course, production could also be fun. Sitting hunched over a computer all day, piecing together bits of audio and trying to make the perfect spot. There’s promotions, which is getting the word of the station out there. And then, I could sell my soul and go into sales. These are all things I’ve had varying degrees of experience with. So, you can imagine my surprise as I’ve now been told that my personality is best suited for the most complex and, I think most trying part of the radio station: news. "

As always, Clickie clickie to read it all!

I guess I should spent a little more time studying for my quiz tomorrow, but it's kind of hard to focus when I caught the instructor basing the quiz on a report I wrote.

Next Issue...the Long Sleep

What happened to my presence? Did I ever have it? Mr. Anderson says that a good DJ should have presence, like all good entertainers. But, he says that when he listened to my show back on Wednesday, presence was lacking. So now I'm wondering, did I ever have it?

I always flashback to an observation Mr. Anderson made when I was in university. He joined me for dinner in the cafeteria one night, and we sat with my "on campus friends." He said that, although I didn't speak much, when I did speak, I spoke a little louder than I normally do, and commanded the attention of the whole table. That's presence, right?

I think I had it in Japan; when I'd walk into my classroom, and the hushed silence would fall upon the class and all eyes were on me. That's presence, right? But then, it was easier to have presence when a strapping white pseudo-farm-boy like myself enters a room of bored, lonely Japanese housewives.

So how can I get my presence back?

Subject change.

Caught a bit of Batman Returns tonight. You know they're making a new Batman film, right? They're ignoring the last spate of Batfilms and taking it back to the beginning. This film is going to be a whole origin story thing, heavily influenced by Batman: Year One. We're going to SEE Bruce Wayne on his infamous world tour, training to be the Bat. We're going to SEE Bruce Wayne, in the cave, hunched over a grindstone, making the first batarangs. We're going to SEE an experimental, prototype vehicle being tested at Wayne Enterprises which is mysteriously stolen, only to reappear as the Batmobile. I'm really starting to look forward to this.

Christian Bale is Batman/Bruce Wayne. Christopher Nolan (Memento, Insomnia) is directing. David S. Goyer (the Blade films) is writing. Filming begins in April. Batman: Intimidation Game will come out Summer 2005.

Next Issue...JLA Returns

Let's try a brilliant idea. Every time I think of something to say on the show, I'll write it here! Then, before the show, all I have to do is print this blog! Genius!

The new Superman movie - What the...? Beyonce Knowles as Lois Lane? Johnny Depp as Lex Luthor? Say it ain't so!

- Marvel Comics just signed a big development deal with EA games. EA will produce a "Marvel Heroes vs. EA Heroes" video game, and Marvel will produce comics based on the EA Heroes.

And can you believe it? I swung by Toys R Us today, and Spider-Man 2 action figures are already on the shelves.

Next Issue...Next Show

I've got to write this down before I forget (or forget to mention it on the show next week.)

Disney has finally announced that the 2-disc super-special edition of Aladdin is coming out this October. A complete list of bonus features has yet to be announced, but Disney has already mentioned that, thanks to the higher picture quality of DVDs, 20% of the film has been "enhanced." That means using computer to punch up the colours in some scenes, and completely re-animating sequences in other cases.

And, as I talk about this on next week's show, I should also bitch about how Disney changed their DVD policy. Way back when DVD first started, Disney had this simple yet brilliant strategy. They would release 2 editions of all their animated films. There would be the "family friendly" edition. This edition would have the film, and for bonus features you'd get similarily-themed animated shorts from the Disney archives, and maybe a game or two. Then, for the hardcore animation geeks (like myself) they'd release the 2-disc special edition. That edition would have all of your "behind the scenes" featurettes, storyboards, directors running commentary, and such forth.

But, things have changed. Now, Disney only release one edition, and we're finding more and more that the "special edition" stuff is being pushed out in favour of more "family friendly" stuff. I mean, who really wants to look at storyboards when you could play another lame-ass trivia game?

So, remind me to talk about this all on next week's show!

Next Issue...Blawp

Completely Shocking Movie News:

So, a year ago, Frank Darabont, the maker of such fine films as The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, and The Majestic was commissioned by George Lucas to write the script for Indiana Jones 4. Steven Spielberg and Harrison Ford both said, "Great choice!" The geeks of the world said "Great Choice!" because Darabont got his start writing The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles TV show. There was no one better to write the script.

Here we are, one year later, and after toiling endlessly, Darabont finally turned in the finished script to George Lucas. Darabont said, "It's in God's hands now, or rather George's and Steven's."

Today, it was revelaed that George Lucas took one look at Darabont's screenplay and said, "This SUCKS!"

Darabont's script has been scrapped and Indiana Jones 4 is starting all over from scratch. It is now highly doubtful that Indy 4 will come out in Summer 2005 as originally hoped.

Darabont has gone back to what he was doing before he was working on Indy: a new film version of Farenheight 451.

Next Issue...All Hopes on Episode III

I won a scholarship today, and I really don't care.

I don't know how much it's for.

I don't know when and where I've got to be to claim it.

All I know is when I went to NAIT I said to myself I wasn't going to play this game again.

Next Issue...No Escape

Oh, happy day!

Trouble sent me an article this morning. 4Kids Entertainment, the same folks who imported Pokemon, are going to be importing my all-time favourite anime that I watched every morning in Japan! We are talking about the TV program whose closing theme I have adopted as the closing them for Chaos in a Box. Yes, it's the one, the only, Tokyo Mew Mew!

Of course, some changes are being made to make it more palitable to North American audiences, like re-naming it Hollywood Mew Mew. That seems rather...pointless. Oh, well. It will be premiering on the Fox Network later this year; I'm speculating as part of the Fall Saturday Morning Line-Up. Here's hoping it becomes as popular as Sailor Moon, so I can buy a boxed set of the complete, uncut series someday.

Next Issue...Anglais!

And now, the latest exciting installment of Chaos in Print! Tonight's episode, The Final Frontier:

I still want to travel into space. Is that a childish dream? I guess this all really started in the eighth grade. That’s when the Canadian Space Agency ran an ad in every major newspaper in the country, announcing that they were looking for new astronauts. I mean, how cool is that? There it was, a classified ad: “Wanted: astronauts. Send resume to….” As an impressionable 13-year old who was deep into Star Trek, I was inspired. But I was in junior high. I grew up, no more ads were run, and I saw there was more to Earth than what lay above. But the dream still kind of lingers.

Tune in for more exciting action!

Next Issue...Slightly Less Action

AEON has cursed me.

In script readings, one of the primary criticisms I get is I over-enunciate. But it's just good classroom English!

And, oh happy day! It's finally official: Pixar is dumping Disney! In a press release released today, Pixar CEO Steve Jobs said that contract re-negotiations between Pixar and Disney fell through, and that Pixar is now actively looking for a new distributor. The final Disney/Pixar collaberation will be Cars, set for release in 2005.

But, that's not all. Disney will retain the sequel rights and copyrights to all Disney/Pixar co-productions. That means Disney could pump out Finding Nemo 2 or Toy Story 3 without Pixar involvement.

Next Issue...I Can't Believe You Talked Them into Making A Bug's Life 2!

And today's name for my on-air shift was..."Remy LeBeau." You know...Gambit?

More movie news!

Cars - Pixar is all excited that none other than Paul Newman is going to be doing a voice in their next film! "Cars," written and directed by "Toy Story's" John Lassetter, is on track to come out in 2005. Newman will voice a race car. Also in the voice cast are Bonnie Hunt, Owen Wilson, and racing star Richard Petty.

Meet the Parents 2 - Ben Stiller is on record as saying he wants Barbera Streisand to play his mother. Streisand is reading the script

Next issue...Light the lights

I should jot down some of these brilliant bits of movie news so I don't forget to read them on tomorrow's show:

Shrek 3 - #2 doesn't come out until this May, but work has begun on #3! This time, look for Shrek to razzle the Knights of the Round Table.

Meet the Parents 2 - Work is finally beginning on a sequel to the hit Ben Stiller/Robert de Nero comedy. Stiller's father will be played by...Dustin Hoffman.

DVD News:

I do so love Kevin Smith:

An Evening with Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder - The first "Evening" DVD, featuring highlights from Smith's college Q&A sessions, was such a hit that another one is in the works! This time, footage from Smith's panels at comic book conventions will be included.

Clerks X - A 10th Anniversary edition of "Clerks!" Among the bonus features will be Smith's comic book "Clerks: The Lost Scene" brought to animated life.

And the Oscar nominations have been announced! Here's the nominees in my new favourite category, Best Animated Film:

Brother Bear
Finding Nemo
The Triplets of Bellville

Now, I know what you're thinking: "What's this Triplets movie?" I've read very little about it. It's a French film, about a grandmother whose grandaughter is kidnapped during the Tour de France. So, the grandmother teams up with the titular triplets (an old song-and-dance team) to rescue her grandaughter. The first and only review I read of it said it's a French knock-off of "Spirited Away." More as it develops.

Next Issue...Twilight

Latest column, folks! This week's offering is called New and Improved:

"I’m living at home with my parents. I own a DVD player, and have a modest DVD collection. There are many nights when there isn’t anything good on TV and I’ll throw one of my discs into the player. And that always leads to my father’s heavy sighing and constant complaint: “Are you watching this again?” Mr. Anderson recently visited me, and we watched An Evening With Kevin Smith, throughout which my father heavily sighed and my mother begged us to let her watch something on TV. When I returned Mr. Anderson home, he said to me, “Boy, your parents really don’t like Kevin Smith, do they?” Well, it’s not Kevin Smith they don’t like. It’s DVDs. Thanks to me, they had to watch An Evening With Kevin Smith a third time! My parents would much rather watch the newest episode of Law & Order: Bylaw Enforcement Unit than be subjected to the greatest movie ever made…again. Seeing a movie twice is one too many times for them. When it comes to entertainment, “new” is the only thing they’ll tolerate."

Read it all!

I'm now officially loathing small town life again.

See, I'm sure you all remember the saga of my Godzilla poster, which I woefully forgot in Japan. Well, I've resolved to send them the remaining 1000 yen to cover the rest of my bills, and then they can take my poster and go f--k themselves.

But this means I need a money order for 1000 yen.

Small town post office can't do it because they don't have the exchange rates. Small town bank can't do it because the only foreign currency they deal in is US dollars. Bank even said, "You have to go to a bigger financial instituion."

That's one thing I hate about the bank in Entwistle. They are a clique. Everything you ask them to do is a hassle. "Can I withdraw some money?" *irritated sigh* "Go to the ATM outside for that." "The ATM machine ate my card. Can I get a new one?" *irritated sigh* "I guess." "I'd like to make a payment on my loan." *irritated sigh* "Can't you do that at our website?"

So, I guess this'll have to wait until Monday and maybe I can get it done in Edmonton. The only thing that pisses me off is that I said to Kumagaya, "I'll have this done on Saturday!" little realizing that something as simple as a money order was beyond the grasp of Entwistle's institutions.

You know, maybe that was my problem. I kept saying, "I need a money order for 1000 yen." They must have instantly thought it would be a gigantic amount of money. I checked the exchange rates before I left. Maybe things would have been different if I said, "I need a money order for $12."

And I'm reflecting on the week just ended. I missed the RTA faculty's big drunk-up/hazing ritual known as "Meet the First," in which everyone gets together to see how drunk they can get the new students. I was told I was missed, but I doubt it. I'm not the kind of person who's missed....

Right now, though, I'm thinking about my next assignment for Production. It's time to start working on our voicing technique. and we have to bring in some kind of story that can be read in about 2 minutes, and it must have at least one "narrator" voice and one "character" voice. Instructor said that children's stories work best for this. So, I'm debating right now:

Do I dig out my old copy of Politically Correct Fairy Tales? Surely I must have one in there that's 2 minutes long. Or the other one I'm thinking of is the opening chapter of Good Omens. You know, where Crowly and Azeriphale are sitting at the gates to Garden of Eden trying to figure out what went wrong. Both would be good.

Next Issue...Spike Witwicky Stikes!

Well, I just finished my assignment for journalism. I had to write 5 leads; the first sentence in a news story. I don't know about mine, they just don't seem witty enough.

And my first time doing remotes could have gone better. The equipment room wasn't unlocked until the last minute, so I got started a half-hour late. I had no idea what to talk about, so I just winged it.

And I wonder how many people got the joke when I decided to start using the radio name "Spike Witwicky."

Next Issue...The New Markworld Order

Right now, I'm in the same mindset as I was at the dawn of my first semester, which is essentially: "Oh my God. Everyone is so much younger and better than me. I'm going to be a collosal failure at this. I may as well just quit, but that'll just embarass too many friends and family, so I'll just plug along until I flunk out." So it's reallly upsetting when I pass everything.

This all kind of stemmed from an assignment we had to do today. We had to transcribe a newscast and read it to the class. This is taught by two instructors. One, the male, I don't think has ever said a nice thing to me about my voicing. His complaint today was that I have too much energy for reading the news. I have to tone it down a little. That, and because of the energy, I don't emote enough. He does have a point. It is kind of bad to sound perky when you're reading a news story about child molestation.

I can't help it, though. Because I have been a natural ham most of my life (and made good money doing it in Japan), I have a lot of energy when you turn on that microphone or get me in front of a crowd.

Still don't understand where the other instructor, the female, keeps saying I'll do good in news. I think that stems from the fact that my university arch-enemy, Brad Goertz, beat into my head how journalism should present a balanced picture. In the little intros to journalism I've done so far, I tend to harp on that quite a bit. Yeah, Brad and I had our differences, but he actually taught me quite a bit.

And now tomorrow, I have to be at NAIT to do my first official on-air shift on the student radio station. That, to be honest, is scaring the shit out of me. I'll be doing remotes, meaning I set up in the school's lobby, and at every commercial break, they cut to me and give a one minute spiel on some upcoming campus event. You've all heard them on real radio stations: "Hi, this is Jimmy Crane, and I'm down at Frankie Ford where they're having the push, pull and drag it in sale...."

Now, why is this scaring me? Mainly because they haven't taught us how to do it yet, and I really don't know what campus events to talk about, so I'll just be winging it. I've kind of accepted the fact that, because I don't know anything and this is my first time, this is going to completely suck. Once I embrace that, I can have fun with that.

Kind of like when they didn't renew my contract in Japan. On one side, I felt completely liberated. To know that I no longer had to be prim and proper in all my classes made me cut loose a lot more and my classes became a lot more fun.

Once you accept that it's all coming to a screaming halt, you don't care. And when you don't care, you're free to have fun with it.

Next Issue...The End Is Near

And now, the latest edition in "Things I've said that my best friend thinks is funny."

The set-up: So, I get this ICQ message from a beautiful young woman I haven't heard from in a long time. And right away, she launches into sex talk. I'm a little taken aback, but I go along with it, in my somewhat innocent/dumbfounded way.

The bombshell: Turns out it's not the beautiful young woman! It's my best friend Mr. Anderson, who's visiting the beautiful young woman, manning her computer, and messing my mind. Naturally, I reacted by saying something funny

What I said that he thought was so funny: "Dude, it's like I just lived a Cole's Notes version of The Crying Game."

Next Issue...Vengeance!

Well, I had another one of those Sundays. I got absolutly no work done. True, I have no homework due until Tuesday, but I was hoping I would get it all done today. But I refuse to feel guilty! It was Sunday, darn it!

Instead, I did some wacky downloading. We've all seen the Spirit Mars probe on the news, right? You know how they're always showing that nifty NASA animation showing what the landing would have most likely looked like? Well, at the NASA website, I found that animation, complete, uncut, and with no newscaster narration. I downloaded it and I've been watching it over and over. I'm just amazed at how this multimillion dollar probe was bouncing across the Martian surface like some gigantic beach ball. Plus, it is some of the most beautiful computer animation I've ever seen!

Anyway, as always, latest column is up! this week's is The Old Apartment, and here's a clip:

"When I first came home from Japan, one of the things that struck me as odd was the fact that nothing had changed about Entwistle. Everything was right where it was supposed to be, looking as old and dilapidated as ever. There’s just something unusual about revisiting a place that you haven’t been to in ages. Seeing what’s the same; what’s different. I already have a rough plan to go back to Kumagaya in 20 or 30 years, just so I can walk around in a shell-shocked state murmuring, “I had a life here.” I’m sure it would feel similar to my recent return to my original university, Augustana University College."

As always, here's the place to read it all.

next issue...The Wrath of Cowell

OK, folks, so I'm going to summarize another episode of the new He-Man cartoon. If there's one thing I love about it, it's that it goes into a lot of "origin of..." episodes and back stories for characters. I was always curious about that kind of stuff, but they never went into it. And today's was a great "origin of...."

The Power of Greyskull - Prince Adam awakens from a strange dream. In it, there were the Snake Men, and they were defeated by this third evil warlord, and then a guy who looked kind of like He-Man but wasn't was there, and the third warlord defeated him, and the He-Man looking guy lost the Power Sword down into Castle Greyskull's moat. While trying to figure this out, Adam gets a telepathic call from the Sorceress. She sensed a disturbance in the force, so Adam was to come to Greyskull.

At Castle Greyskull, Adam tells the Sorceress of his dream, and the Sorceress figures that it's connected to the disturbance that she felt. In order to figure it out, they decide to delve into the past of Eternia. They entered into a secret chamber of Castle Greyskull, and there Adam saw a giant statue of the He-Man-looking guy. The Sorceress revealed that that man was King Greyskull; the man whom Castle Greyskull was named after. And, upon study of the tapestries, we learn that the third warlord was the one, the only...HORDAK!

We flashback to the time of King Greyskull. He is worried. He knows that Hordak is amassing his forces, and a large, final battle is coming between him and Hordak. Greyskull laments that he needs more power to defeat Hordak. Greyskull's wife, the sorceress Veena, suggests that Greyskull seek out the Oracle to find this great power. Greyskull mounts up on his Battle Lion, and heads out for the Oracle.

Meanwhile, back in the present, Skeletor receives a telepathic message from Hordak. Turns out Skeletor owes Hordak a favour, and now Hordak wants to collect. Skeletor's task is to go to Hordak's Shrine and release Hordak, or else Hordak will kill Skeletor. Skeletor takes off for the shrine like a bat out of hell.

Meanwhile, back in the past, King Greyskull has found the Oracle, and we are all stunned to see that the Oracle is a Trollan. (That's Orko's people.) The Oracle tells Greyskull that, to get the great power, he must go on a quest. The usual "slay a dragon, conquer a maze, 40 days and 40 nights in the desert" kind of quest. Greyskull finally gets to the cave where the great power resides and in the cave he finds...the Oracle! The Orcale gives Greyskull a box and inside is Greyskull's sword, thought lost in his first skirmish with Hordak. The Oracle explains that the power resided in Greyskull the whole time. Satisfied with this, Greyskull turns to leave, but the Oracle reveals one last piece of info: Greyskull will not survive the battle with Hordak.

Greyskull returns to his castle (yup, Castle Greyskull) just in time to see the troops massing. It tried its best to look straight out of The Lord of the Rings. We saw Hordak flanked by his generals Grizzlor, Leech, and Mantenna. (and it was great seeing them updated for the new millenium!) King Greyskull steeled himself, and then launched into battle. He battled through Hordak's army, swiftly defeated Grizzlor, Leech, and Mantenna. Hordak commented that Greyskull's power was indeed great, but Hordak then threw Greyskull several thousand yards just with a wink of his eye. Hordak then opened up a portal to the Dark Dimension, with the intent of sucking Greyskull into it. But Greyskull would not give up! As the Dark Dimension portal began to grow, Greyskull started crackling with more and more power! He finally bellowed out, "I HAVE THE POWER!" as lightening was thrown from his sword and struck the portal. Now, Hordak and his troops were all sucked into the Dark Dimension! Hordak and his forces were gone...but the exertion was too much for Greyskull. He collapsed.

Dying in his wife's arm, Greyskull revealed something else the Oracle told him. (Cue Matrix theme.) Greyskull revealed that one day, when evil rises again, a chosen one will rise and use his power to defend Eternia. And then, Greyskull died, his body turning into a glowing ball of power. The Power touched all the members of Greyskull's court, turning them into the Council of Elders. (those who ruled Eternia before King Randor.) The Power then took up residence in Greyskull's sword. Veena picked up the sword, and swore that she would defend it until the one arises. And if she dies before the one arises, then she will find another to take her place. And thus, Veena was the first to bear the mantle of Sorceress of Greyskull.

Back in the present, Prince Adam realizes that it is the Power of King Greyskull that flows through him. And that the dream was a warning. Skeletor seeks to free Hordak from the Dark Dimension. He-Man sprints of to Hordak's shrine....

At the Shrine, He-Man heads of Skeletor. He-Man says that if the Shrine is destroyed, Hordak can never be freed. Skeletor agrees, and promptly destroys the Shrine. Skeletor leaves, and He-Man is confused. "It's as though he doesn't want to free Hordak," He-Man laments. And, Evil-Lyn watched this whole proceeding, and was intrigued....

Cool. Now that we had Hordak, the question is as it always was: where's She-Ra?

Next Issue...The Return of the Horde

Well, the first week is just about finished. This new semester is going to prove...difficult, mainly because of an 8 am class on Thursday and, once every two weeks or so, I've got to do a 7:30 am shift on the radio station. That makes little sense to me because no one is here at 7:30. Oh, well. I'll beg and plead with my classmates if anyone wants to switch, but it may prove difficult. I've already asked around to some people and the responses range from, "Well, Mark, I live on the south side and my bus trip is about as long as you drive" to "Dude, I am soooooooooo hung over in the mornings." My first one is next Wednesday.

Oh, and I've got a new timeslot for my show! Wednesday afternoons at 3:30. I'm the lead in to NR92's long-running and popular football show. I'm the perfect lead-in. Nothing says "football" like the music of Hikaru Utada! There's some new guidlines instituded this semester for private shows, too. In my one hour show, I must run at least one commercial. And I must produce spots and spliters. Since I'm learning production, I'm hoping I can make most of this myself. I'll update the site and send out a spam on the subject this weekend.

But, for this first week, I've got nothing to do until 10am on this sunny Friday morning, so I'm here in the computer commons watching trailers! One that I've been waiting for has just gone online:

Van Helsing - Anyone read Dracula? In that film, Van Helsing was the vampire slayer who was dedicated to hunting down Dracula. Well, you just knew someone would have the brains to take this and turn Van Helsing into an action hero! In this film, Hugh Jackman (Wolverine to geeks like me) plays Van Helsing, hired by the church to do some monster-slaying. He goes trekking through Transylvania hunting down Dracula, and along the way, he also does battle the Wolfman and Frankenstein's monster. It's from the same guy who made The Mummy films, and seems to be in the same mold. Looks pretty good. May 7!

And, just for the heck of it, I also watched the trailer for Adam Sandler's latest comedy:

50 First Dates - Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore reunite for another romantic comedy. This time, Drew suffers from short-term memory loss, so she always forgets that she's dating Adam. Hence, Adam does all kinds of things to try and get Drew to remember him. That's right, it's Memento: The Romantic Comedy! It's got some laughs....

And it's time for class.

Next Issue...Radio Star

I got a suprise in the mail today. I got a postcard from Akiko. I know, I knew a lot of Akikos. But this is the one who was my tour guide in Nara! (If you don't remember, go back and read my column How To Acheive Enlightenment and Impress Girls) I'm completly baffled as to how I got it, mainly because I don't remember giving her my address. I dug through my shoebox of Japan mementos and found her card. I should e-mail her and tell her I got it.

Anyway, had my first day of the second semester today. It was little more than a 10-minute session of, "Here's your schedule. Any questions?" Thursdays are going to be rough because I have an 8am class. Wednesdays and Fridays are going to be even rougher because the possibility exists that I'll have to be there at 7:30am. I'm frustrated at this situation, angry at the situation, and once again consumed with fear and self-doubt as to why I'm doing this.

So, I find it helps to clear my head if I focus on a goal. The goal right now is getting the show going ASAP. I'll have to pick a new timeslot because my new schedule has me working from 9 to 4 just about every day. The only exception right now is Thursdays, which will be from 8 to 4. Since I'll have to drive in on Thursdays, I'm thinking about politey begging from a timeslot early Thursday evenings.

Oh, well. Justice League is on.

Today's trivia tidbit: Disney put up 10% of the cash for Spirited Away.

Next Issue...The Ending Sleep

Last day of the Christmas break, and I celebrated by going to see Kill Bill. What did I think of the fourth film from Quentin Tarrintino? Well, there are very few movies where, five minutes into it, I say to myself, "I'M GOING TO LOVE THIS MOVIE!" Kill Bill Vol. 1 is one of those few. What moment made me say that to myself? Well, it opens with these words on the screen:

"Revenge is a dish best served cold." - Old Klingon Proverb

Yes. Any movie that starts with a Klingon quote is instantly a classic in my eyes.

Anyway, latest column's up! This week's offering is called Troublemaker:

"So now that I’m a university graduate and I have four years of experience in the world behind me, you can imagine how relaxed I am this time through school. My heart rate no longer jumps when midterm exams came around. If I find an assignment is a few words short of the required amount, I no longer care. That’s not to say I’m completely apathetic. I still study. I still do my research. I still get my assignments in on time. I simply no longer see the point in fearing everything.

But without fear to motivate me, I find I can become quite the troublemaker. No fear for my grades means I have more confidence in voicing my concerns over how a class is taught. If I think the instructor’s lesson contradicts something I’ve now seen or done in the real world, I’m more inclined to get up and say, “Hey! I think you’re wrong.” The most glaring example of this had to be my computer course."

Read the whole thing! I dare ya!

Next Issue...Back to School

*sigh* And here I was so hoping to go into Edmonton today and finally see Kill Bill. Why didn't I go? Two words: freezing rain. Really didn't feel like braving the ice-coated highways.

I really miss Kumagaya in that I was just 5 blocks from the movie theater and could go see a movie whenever I wanted. But that's not a "missing Japan" thing. That's a "missing living in a city" thing. And, to some extent, a "missing having a steady stream of income" thing.

So, instead, I fired up the DVD player and finally watched my latest DVD acquisition, Castle in the Sky. This is another classic from Hayo Miyazaki. It came out in Japan in 1986, but in North America in May. It was supposed to come out in 1999, but fate and Disney Studio politics conspired against it. The first time I saw it was almost a year ago. I came home from work one night and BOOM! It was on TV.

Anyway, the North American dub is pretty good. If I have one complaint, it's choosing Anna "Rouge" Paquin to voice the heroine, Sheeta. In case you didn't know, Anna Paquin is a New Zealander. And, in Castle in the Sky, her voice wavers between a fake American accent and her native Kiwi accent. About halfway through the film she decides to stick with the Kiwi. It's a little annoying, but you get used to it.

The New Zealand accent isn't annoying, it's the wavering between the two. Figure I should clarify in case any Kiwis are reading. On the contary, I think a New Zealand accent is very sexy. What can I say? Back in high school, we had a New Zealand exchange student one year and she was damn sexy. So now I'm just convinced that all women from that part of the world are goergeous.

Here's hoping I can make it to Kill Bill tomorrow. What better way to end the winter break?

Next Issue...Porco Rosso Next!

Well, I took Mr. Anderson home to Kingman today. We had a good time, as always. He beat me 2 out of 3 at Star Wars Trivial Pursuit. I think I may have disappointed him a bit, though.

He brought with him his vast collection of Neon Genesis Evangelion and Revolution Girl Utena. These are 2 anime programs that he's just in love with. I watched the first two episodes of NGE and failed to be impressed. We never even got around to Utena. It's difficult to explain. I'm just kind of burned out by anime. Spending an afternoon watching all 26 episodes of another program about chosen ones in giant robots or sorcerrers with magic powers or immature schoolgirls who learn to grow up when they get superpowers from a cute talking animal and must save the universe. I did that in university. I'm a grown up now.

Speaking of university, when I took Mr. Anderson home I took a little side trip to Camrose and checked out my old haunt Augustana. Ran into a few old classmates who are working there now and got some inside skinny on the whole U of A merger. Their plans for reconstruction...wow. In 2 years it's going to be a whole new school.

Next Issue...Revolution Boy Makrus!

I've been watching a lot of cop shows lately. I'm starting to notice that each one has...signature dialogue to it. The first one I noticed was on the CSI shows. They're signature dialogue tends to be a cryptic statement made right before commercial. For example..."This looks like a case...OF MURDER." This has become my new thing around the house. I make cryptic statments before I leave the room. "It feels like we've got a case of...THE MUNCHIES." "I need to use...THE BATHROOM." I tell ya, my folks thought it was funny the first two times. Now they're just annoyed.

And then, the Law & Order shows. Their bit has been well-known for some time. Cop makes a bad sarcastic one-liner about the dead body before opening credits roll.

Anyway, tomorrow's going to be a crazy fun day. Mr. Anderson is back in the province, and we had a rough plan to go see Lord of the Rings: Return of the King before he goes back to Vancouver to live in his girlfriend's father's basement. He's down near the Camrose area, so tomorrow, I'm going to drive down to Camrose (2 hours), pick him up, we'll head into Edmonton to see ROTK (1 hour drive, 3.5 hour movie), and then I bring home to Entwistle (1 hour). And then, we spend Wednesday and most of Thursday watching all the Hollywood greats that I love but he's starting to view as "mediocre." Then Thursday, I either take him back to Camrose or dump him off in Edmonton. He's still waiting to hear back from his Edmonton contact....

I tell ya, what I do just to spend a few fleeting hours with my best friend. But hey, it's been a year since I've seen him. I want to see him. Even if it is just a few fleeting hours.

Next Issue...The Ties That Bind

I had some delightfully witty ramblings, but I've forgotten them all. Oh, well. Latest column's up! Sorry, but it's a lame on this week: An Episode Guide to Shadow Raiders:

"Now, Shadow Raiders was one of the greatest cartoons ever made. It was produced by Canada’s own Mainframe Entertainment, the same folks behind ReBoot, Beast Wars: Transformers, and the new computer animated Spider-Man. Shadow Raiders was loosely based on the War Planets toys. Did you remember War Planets? Giant war machines the size of planets with all kinds of gizmos and weapons for destroying each other. Shadow Raiders told the tale of the people who lived on those planets and the lives that such an existence would lead to."

Read about all exciting 26 episodes!

Next Issue...Behold the Beast

I just finished paying my post-Christmas bills. We're into panic mode, folks. Must find job.

In other news of self-pity, I've always been curious about the film Howard the Duck. It was the late film last night, I taped it, and I'm watching it now. I'm only half an hour into it, but I was going, "Oh, my God, this is bad" 29 minutes ago.

Today's random observation. We all know the propensity of North American animators to slip references to their past films in the current projects. For example, in Finding Nemo, you can clearly see a Buzz Lightyear action figure on the floor of the dentist's office. So, while watching Spirited Away, I said to myself, "Ya know, if this were made by a North American studio, you just know that Totoro and some of the gods from Princess Mononoke would be among the spirits at the bath house.

Next Issue...My Bath Time

Oh, I just love modern technology. I got Ad-aware to clean some of the spyware off my computer. When all the spyware was gone, I loaded up Kazaa to go MP3 hunting, and do you know what happened? I got an error message saying, "A spyware removal program has recently run, and must have "accidentally" deleted some files neccessary for Kazaa to load ads. You need to reinstall Kazaa. If you do not want ads, please pay $29.95 to get the complete version!" So do I reload Kazaa? It can wait, I think.

Other than that, nothing to report.

Next Issue...Something to Write Home About

Well, here it is. January 1, 2004. One year ago, I was hanging out with Mr. Anderson at a Japanese shrine, ringing in the new year in a traditional Japanese style: praying for luck and fortune in the new year. While at the shrine, Mr. Anderson made my buy a fortune. He said it's the whole point of going to a shrine. Naturally, it was a little slip of paper in Japanese, so I had no idea what it said. I slipped it in my pocket, but Mr. Anderson gave me this warning. If it was a fortune for bad luck, then it had to be left behind at the shrine, or the bad luck would follow me. If it was for good luck, then leaving it behind was optional. I just slipped it in my pocket and kind of forgot about it. In the year that followed:

- I lost my job in Japan.
- I'm still fighting with my former place of employment in Japan over a poster I left behind.
- I'm once again living in my parents' basement.
- I'm running out of money.
- I'm still a virgin.

I guess we can safely assume it was bad luck. I knew that night I should have left it behind, just to be safe....

Anyway, my Mom borrowed Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl from one of her coworkers. I must admit, it was a pretty good movie. It brought back fond memories of riding the ride at Tokyo Disneyland.

I actually thought I was going to be sick when I rode Pirates of the Carribean. See, we got to Tokyo Disneyland right when it opened at 9am. In order to do so, it meant getting up at 6 to catch the train at 6:30. In all that time, I didn't have any breakfast. So, it was 10 am. We just got off our first ride, the Jungle Cruise, and some of us sat down to take a break. I decided it was time to finally have breakfast. I bought an (overpriced) sandwich from a Disney concession, and as I sat down to eat, some of the people I was with said, "OK, while everyone who wants to rest rests, we're going to go on Pirates of the Carribean." Now, it was my goal to ride all of Disneyland's famous cheesy rides, of which Pirates of the Carribean tops the list. So I said, "But I want to go too!" But I couldn't go on the ride while eating my sandwich. What was I to do?

Well, it was the first time since before I had teeth that I ate without chewing. I stuffed that whole sandwich into my mouth and swallowed it in one gulp. How I didn't get sick on Pirates (or on the next ride, Big Thunder Mountain) without throwing up, I'll never know.

Ever since I got home, I've been debating as to whether I want to write a column about my trip to Tokyo Disneyland. I don't really think there's a whole column in there. It was cheezy! Now, goint to the Studio Ghibli Museum, that warrants a column.

Next Issue...And All That That Implies

I've had this clean, fresh feeling all day. There's just something pleasing about wearing brand-new, fresh-out-of-the-package underwear.

Spent the evening watching the wonderful comedies of the CBC. I like This Hour Has 22 Minutes, but it kind of lost its cutting edge when Rick Mercer left. It's still funny, though.

But I am looking forward to Rick Mercer's new show, The Monday Report. From what I hear, it's essentially going to be "Talking to Canadians," as Mercer goes cross-country and points out our ignorance of world affairs. I have high hopes for it.

Next Issue...Not So New No More

I've spent the past few days curled up by the fire watching Christmas DVDs. I'm reverting back into a real Ghilbi nut. I've watched Spirited Away, I'm digging out Princess Mononoke, and I'm planning on blowing my Future Shop gift card on Kiki's Delivery Service and Castle in the Sky. I always scare myself when I get obsessed like this, but I relax when I remember I've never had an obsession last longer than two weeks.

Anyway, speaking of cartoons, that's the subject of this week's column! Here's a free hit of Talkin' 'Bout Toons:

"Ralph Bakshi is probably the one man responsible for this wave of adult animation. It all started with his 1971 classic Fritz the Cat, which has the distinction of being the first X-rated animated film. Some of Bakshi’s other achievements include the post-apocalyptic satire Wizards, the brief history of American music American Pop, and, of course, The Lord of the Rings. He kind of disappeared in the early-1980s and made a comeback in 1992 with the live-action/animated sex romp Cool World. When Cool World bombed he promptly disappeared again. It should also be noted that Bakshi is a fan of the animation technique known as “rotoscoping.” This is animation that is created by tracing live-action footage. In the live-action footage that Bakshi shot for his animated Lord of the Rings, famous midget actor Billy Barty played Bilbo Baggins. But I digress."

chaos In Print. Favourite online column of Kenten.com.

Next Issue...Spirited Away...to the the poor house.

Well, I'm home from my Red Deer Christmas Odyssey. Right now, I'm missing out on the swinging shindig that is my cousin's wedding. I'm sure they'll all think I'm a big snob, but oh, well. Never really cared for that cousin.

So, guess what I got for Christmas? Yup! Finding Nemo and X2. And then, on Boxing Day, I ran out and spent far too much money on Spirited Away. Oh, well. It was Boxing Day! I was in the spirit!

And now, time to realx and fire up X2.

Next Issue...Happy New Year

Well, tomorrow, I'll be heading on down Red Deer way to spend Chrismtas with the rest of my family. I'm thinking that when it comes time to do my practicum, I should aim for one of Red Deer's radio stations, mainly because that's where my other siblings have ended up.

I'm still wondering if I want to lug this, my new laptop, my baby, down with me. I suspect I'm getting DVDs for Christmas, and I'm heading to DVD-free territory.

The only trouble spot in my Christmas shopping has been my neice. When she was born, I swore I'd never get her Barbie. I just believe some of the stuff that Barbie project a bad body image for girls. But now, my neice is at the age where there is nothing but Barbie. I settled on a Bratz doll. It's like Barbie, but the body is so cartoony and exaggerated that it doesn't violate my principles. Actually, I also see that My Little Pony is making a comeback. I was tempted to get her a Pony, but I'm not sure if she's "into" them yet.

Anyway, if I don't blog again, Merry Christmas to all!

Next Issue...Boxing Day Madness

I caught the last half-hour of Titanic on TV tonight. Still the #1 movie of all time. And I was just thinking to myself how it had been a long time since I had seen it, so I should see it. That's the only problem with three hour movies. You can't just say, "Hey! I've got some time to kill, let's watch a movie!" You've got to pretty much plan a whole day around it.

Anyway, over at the main site, I've got this week's column up! It's called Take a Bath. Here's your free sample:

"My favourite Christmas story has to be the tale of Archimedes. You see, Archimedes was one of the great original Greek mathematicians. One day, the king of Greece called Archimedes to his court and had a very special task in store. The king wanted to know exactly how much gold was in his crown. Now, back in these times, the way to determine the volume of gold in a funny-shaped object was easy: melt it down into a shape that you can easily determine the volume of, like a sphere or a cube. Naturally, the king balked off at this. “You’re not messing with my crown, Archimedes,” I believe was the king’s exact quote. So, Archimedes had a real brain-teaser of a math problem on his hands. He locked himself in his workshop, hunched over his work table and began working on the problem. Several days went by, and Archimedes was making no headway at all. Finally, his wife came into the workshop. “Dear, you’ve been working yourself sick on this,” she said. “Why don’t you relax? I got a nice warm bath all ready for you.” Archimedes thought this was a good idea, and headed off to the tub. As he climbed into the tub and got comfy, he noticed something odd. When he got in, the water level rose. He thought about this for a while, and eventually saw the relationship: the water level rose by the exact same amount as his volume. He discovered displacement. He discovered a way to measure the volume of the king’s crown. He was so excited, that he jumped out of the tub and ran down to the palace, screaming, “Eureka!” the whole way."

Want more? All read it!

Next Issue. . .In Search of Pants

So, since there was nothing good on TV, I was sitting here watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail again. I watched the tale of Sir Lancelot. Remember that? Lancelot goes off to rescue Prince Herbert and he bursts into the castle and indescriminatly kills everyone in sight. I was watching that and I thought, "Wow! It's just like how the Americans liberated Iraq!"

I was watching it on my laptop, and I'd occasionally look up and watch what my parents were watching. It was a cooking show on the Food Network. Do you want to know one of my sick ideas? One day, I'm going to have my own house and my own kitchen and my own blender. When I have my own blender, I'm going to go to McDonald's and get a Big Mac meal to go. I'll take it home, throw it all into the blender, and liquify it into a fine paste. Why? Why not?

And if anyone out there can help me with this project. I've got a weird urge to play Bubble Bobble. I've found what many regard to be the best arcade emulator, but I'm having a hell of a time finding a good arcade ROM site. Please pass along the link!

Next Issue...Adventures of Bob and Bub

Well, if you don't mind, I'm going to take a moment to offer my thoughts and views on some movie trailers I've recently downloaded:

Spider-Man 2 - GENIUS! I can hardly wait to see Alfred Molina kick ass as Dr. Octopus. Everything in the trailer clicks for me. They've got the tentacles nailed. I want to see it NOW!

Garfield: The Movie - Yes, they did a live-action movie version of Garfield. My sister and I already have a day off scheduled to go see it next summer, as she was nuts for all things Garfield when she was a kid and I'm the only one in the family who really makes time to see movies. I have to agree with most of the early criticisms I read. They've screwed up in two ways: 1) They tried to hard to make the computer animated Garfield look like a real cat. 2) Odie is being played by a real dog; the currently-trendy Jack Russel terrier. Although, the CGI Garfield does look like kind of like how Garfield was originally drawn by Jim Davis back in 1978. You can start colouring me "worried."

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow - This is a movie that's already generating a lot of buzz on the Internet. Done in the style of a 1930s movie seriel, this stars Jude Law as the heroic flying ace the Sky Captain as he takes on a mad scientist and his army of giant robots. The look of this film is great! It's like one of those old Superman cartoons come to life. I'm now officially curious.

Next Issue...Wolves

One more final exam to go. You know, it's strange. Here I am, 26 years old, highly educated, but when I write final exams, I turn back into a superstitious kid. I was never an honour student because of my countless hours of studying. Oh no! I was (and still am) and honour student because I show up for my final exams wearing my lucky shirt, my lucky hat, and adorned with my good luck charms. I am an honour student not because of hard work, but because of luck.

Speaking of good luck charms, I could use your help. My newest good luck charm is a Spirited Away keychain that was recently sent to me by one of my former students. Naturally, I want to reciprocate. Anyone know a good, cheap gift that's easy to mail to Japan, and is appropriate for a Japanese housewife who's into jazz music? Let me know!

Next Issue...Death and Finals

I had a lot of trouble studying for final exams tonight. Mainly because I wrote the midterm not more than a month ago and I aced it. Reviewing the older material, I kept saying, "Pfft! I know this!"

But, while I was studying, I was listening to Danny Elfman's Spider-Man score. I don't have his Hulk score yet, but I love both of those scores in that they have wonderfully errie openings. Spidey opens with a slow, almost spooky violin. Hulk has a grouping of haunting flutes. When you think about it for a moment, it makes sense. When you see a superhero for the first time, it would be kind of spooky, wouldn't it?

Anyway, quick, cheap Christmas present for me would be the Hulk soundtrack.

Next Issue...Journey Beneath the Sea

Spent the majority of my day studying for finals tomorrow. I've reserved myself to failure.

Anyway, latest column's up! Because I've been studying so hard, I really didn't write one. Instead, I'm treating you to a snippet of my final report for my Radio Concepts class. Here's a sample:

"Ever since I came to NAIT this fall, my mind has been dominated by one thought as I studied the arts of broadcasting: I am too old for this. Let’s be honest. I am 26 years old and well-educated. What the hell am I doing squandering what little savings I made in my last job and turning around and going back to school? Why aren’t I at a good job? How come I’m not married? How come I’m not working on the 2.3 kids? What has driven me to move back in with my parents, squander what little money I made in tuition at my last job, and do the whole post-secondary education thing all over again? For a career in radio, for God’s sake? I mean, lesson 1 in this class has been, “The money’s horrible.” "

It's called Arthur's Destiny, and
Click Here to read it all!

Next Issue...Boobies!

Anyone else out there read Choose Your Own Adventure books when they were a kid? I discovered a few of my old ones on my book shelf, started flipping through them, and now I'm feeling all nostalgic towards them.

For those who don't remember, Choos Your Own Adventure was this series of books that were insanely popular in the 1980s. At certain points in the plot, you would be presented with a choice, and you got to choose what you, the hero, did next! They were all written in the second person, and went kind of like this:

"You are chasing the pirates though the cave. They are not going to escape with the treasure you found! Suddenly, the cave splits into two. Down the tunnel to the left, you hear nothing. Down the tunnel to the right, you hear running water. What are you going to do?

If you take the left tunnel, turn to page 37
If you take the right tunnel, turn to page 112"

I was addicted to them. I got hooked on them in about grade 2 and read them right up until Junior High. Then, in grade 8, my English teacher pulled me aside one day and said, "Mark! What the hell are you doing reading Choose Your Own Adventure? Your latest test show you're reading at a grade 12 level! Quite frankly, Choose Your Own Adventures are beneath you. Start reading real books."

And thus began the second serious attempt in my life to read The Lord of the Rings.

But I loved them with all my heart and soul. About a year ago, I actually tried to write a Choose Your Own Adventure column for the site. But, they get difficult to write after a while, once you get various multiple branching plotlines. It's just difficult to keep track of.

Next Issue...The Cave of Time

Tonight, I finally did something I've been threatening to do since my time in Japan.

In Kumagaya, there was this little Chinese restaurant close to work where my coworkers and I would go eat dinner some nights. And every night we ate there, I'd say the same thing:

"When I go home, and my parents take me to the greasy Chinese restaurant in town, I'm going to ask for chopsticks. And I'll use them, too. I'll probably be the first guy ever in Entwistle history to do that."

It took six months, but my parents finally took me to the greasy Chinese restaurant in town. And I asked for chopsticks. The owner/cook/waiter looked at me in disbelief. "Are you sure?" he asked. I nodded. I was expecting he'd produce a pair of those cheap disposable wooden chopsticks, like you get at most every restaurant in Japan. Instead, he disappeared into the kitchen for the longest time and came out with a pair of fairly ornate Chinese chopsticks. That threw me off at first.

(For those not in the know, Chinese chopsticks are longer and fatter than Japanese ones.)

But, I picked them up, and when dinner came, I ate it with the chopsticks. About halfway through dinner, the owner/cook/waiter came by, saw me chowing down with the chopsticks, and said, "Wow! You're doing good!" At the end, he said, "Wow! You did it!"

So there you go.

Before I left Kumagaya, I did stop by the 100 yen plaza and pick up a pair of chopsticks for myself. I brought them home, and I do use them from time to time. They're the only thing I eat ramen with now.

Next Issue...Culture Shock...for them.

I've been bitching too much about school. Let's share some happy movie news!

- Warner Brothers has created a new position for DC Comics. The "VP of Creative Affairs" has the unenviable task of pouring through the DC Comics archives, finding characters best suited for movies, and then developing those movies.

- Are you ready for another computer animated movie about bugs? DreamWorks has bought the concept for Bee Movie, which is about bees in New York City. This film is the brainchild of none other than Jerry Seinfeld, who will be writing, producing, and even starring. The concept looks like Antz, only a beehive instead of an ant colony, and Seinfeld instead of Woody Allen. Because of the time it takes to make an animated film, this is still a good 3 or 4 years away.

- And don't forget, the Spider-Man 2 trailer goes online on Monday!

Next Issue...A Worm's Life

I've had a couple of notable experiences at school the past few days. One good, one bad.

First, the good. You may remember a few blogs ago that I had a complaint about the computer course I'm required to take. Essentially, about half the material on the tests isn't touched upon at all in the course material. So, I e-mailed the instructor complaining about this. He e-mailed me back. "OK, here's the tests. Point out which questions aren't covered." Took me a whole afternoon, but I poured through the material, circled which questions weren't covered, and gave the tests back to him. And then, he was silent for a week.

Until Monday. He e-mailed me and said, "OK, Mark, thanks for making an honest effort to justify your concerns. Here's the deal. Yup, some of the questions you pointed out aren't covered in the course material. So, those questions have been strcken from the test, and the marks adjusted accordingly. And, starting next semester, this will no longer be a correspondence course taught over the Internet. It'll be a full-blown classroom lecture course again."

So, I changed the way the program is taught. Woo!

Then, the bad thing. I was in my course taught by a TV professor today. Now, I really don't care for the TV professors. They have more of an air of "Hollywood phoniness" about them. And today, we were marking our big final group project. We had to mark the other four members in our group. We could give are fellow group members a maximum mark out of 25. So, say for example, I thought everyone in my group deserved top marks. What's 25*4? If you said 100%, you're right! But, this class doesn't exist in the real world! It exists in TV land!

This professor only gives a maximum mark of 80%. According to his logic, to get more than 80% would imply that you did everything right, and because we're all just learning, there's NO WAY we can do everything right. So, we could give all our fellow group members a mark out of 25, but when added altogether, it had to be less than 80. I felt it was highly unfair.

But, I didn't feel much like mounting a protest then and there. So, in the comments section on our grading form, I just threw in a quote from "1984:" "Freedom is the freedom to say 2+2=4. Once that is granted, all else follows."

Next Issue...Thought Crime

If anyone out there knows their way around Microsoft Outlook Express, I could use some help. It keeps labeling my attachments as being "unsafe" and denies access to them.

Other than that, things are going good. Right now, I'm obsessing over my big Writer's Portfolio due on Thursday. It's almost at the point where all I have to do is print everything out. My big debate is whether to number the pages or not. Like the prof pointed out, yeah, it's convenient, but in the long run, as you want to add more to it, it starts to become a hassle. True, it can be well-organized without page numbers. It'll just take some re-jigging.

Next Issue...Pfft!

You know, I really think there was something wrong with my old laptop from day one. On my old one, whenever I watched DVDs, the video was always choppy. On this new one, it's as smooth as watching it on TV.

And I must have spent five hours hunched over a keyboard this afternoon, working on my promotions and marketing report. Even at 10 pages, I feel like I'm missing quite a bit. People don't believe me when I say Physics is easier than this. I mean, it is! In physics, you've got your equation, your parameters, and it leads to only one right answer. But in this RTA stuff, so much of it is subjective! Yeah, I think it's good, but will the rest of my group? Or the instructor? Oy.

But somewhere in all this, I managed to write a column! This week's is called The One With the Astro Boy Sticker. Here's a sample:

"I’m writing this on my brand new Toshiba laptop. How I finally got this machine was a long, meandering odyssey. But I still have a place in my heart for my old laptop. When I was in Japan, I loved eating all kinds of novelty snack cakes. Some of them came with stickers, and I would up sticking them all over my laptop. Right on the cover, I had an Astro Boy sticker. But, I don’t know if that sticker was cursed or what. It seems that, once that sticker was stuck on, my old laptop was doomed. It all began nine months ago…."

As always, click here and read it all!

Next Issue...Enemy at the Gates

Greetings from my new laptop! Yes, Future Shop finally just gave me a new one!

So, please send me some e-mail so I know I got Outlook set up right!

Sheesh, my folks are going to kill me when they see I spent 6 hours online downloading stuff to get it where I like it.

Next Issue...New Computer!

Sadly, I'm not writing this on my new laptop. Future Shop told me it will still be a few days before the manager approves this exchange. Oh, joy.

But, I'm going to have a busy weekend. I've got two big projects due next week. Firstly, my Writer's Portfolio. See, for my Broadcast Writing Course, I've got to gather together every writing assignment I've done during the semester and compile it into a professional-looking portfolio. That's simple enough. Just design a few fancy title pages for each section, give all my assignments page numbers, print them all out on fancy paper, and stick it all in a fancy binder. I spent most of my Friday night designing the title pages. I've found and organized all my assignments, plus a few bonus ones I wrote in my spare time. I've got the fancy paper to print them out. I'm just stuck looking for a fancy binder.

Secondly, my Promotions and Marketing final report. Now, because I have no life, I volunteered, nay, pressured my group into letting me write it. My goal is to have a first draft by Monday. Then, they can pick it apart, point out what I forgot, and remind me of what should be left out. I've always felt like I've been slacking in my Promtions group. This is my one chance to make up for everything I didn't do. The finished report is due Friday. Again, I know I can have a rough draft for the gang on Monday. I just have to sit down Sunday afternoon and get to it.

But enough of that! Some happy news. I already reported that Peter Jackson is starting to express a desire to make a live-action movie version of the classic prequel to The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit. New Line Cinema, the movie studio that made LOTR, is now actively trying to acquire the movie rights to The Hobbit. There's only one problem. The movie rights to The Hobbit are currently owned by the J.R.R. Tolkein estate, headed by his son, Christopher Tolkein. The junior Tolkein wants nothing to do with movies. He feels that the movie technology will NEVER exist to realize his father's vision on screen. He has disowned Peter Jackson's movies, and I don't think he's seen them yet.

(But how was LOTR made, then? Well, Tolkein sold the movie rights for 1000 pounds before he died, and they've been changing hands ever since.)

And now, before I go to bed, one last LOTR tidbit. It has been announced that the final running time for The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King is 210 minutes. That's 3.5 hours exactly! Peter Jackson is already hinting that the DVD "extended edition" will run 4 hours.

Next Issue...To Be Continued....

First, let's try and absolve a friend's paranoia:

KENTEN! Yes, I am getting your e-mail, and I am responding. The problem must be on your end. And your visitor's blog is glitching, again.

Second, the good news.

Two days ago, while I was waiting for my promotions wrap-up party, I realized that it had been a while since I went to Future Shop to bitch about my laptop not being fixed. So, I went up to Future Shop, went to the friendly customer service clerk, and she brought out a tech from the back room. The tech said, "Good news, Mr. Cappis! The parts finally came today! We've installed them and we're running the diagnostics as we speak! You should be able to pick it up around closing time!" I had to go do my promotions thing, so we all agreed that I could come back on Thursday.

Thursday (Yesterday), I return to Future Shop as giddy as a schoolgirl. I present my ID, the friendly customer service clerk went into the backroom, and he came out...without my laptop. "Bad news, Mr. Cappis," he said. "Your computer broke down again while we were running the diagnostics."

"So we're going to give you a new one."

Say it with me: WOO HOO!

I couldn't pick up my new one last night, because the manager had already taken off for the day, and he still needed to rubber-stamp the paperwork. But, I've got the car today, my last class ends at 2pm, and then I'm off to get a computer!

A new computer for Christmas. Does life get any sweeter?

Next Issue...Back into the Matrix

Well, it's 6:30 pm and I've got no homework due tomorrow. Am I at home playing Elf Bowling 3? Nope! I'm still in Edmonton! My big promotions project has it's wrap-up party tonight, so naturally, I have to be in attendence. Right now, I'm having flashbacks. One year ago in Japan, at this time, my school was having a good-bye old teacher/hello new teacher/Christmas party. Something tells me, for the rest of life, at this time every year, I'll have to make some kind of token appearance at a party.

Don't get me wrong. Because I do have so far to drive, my group was more than understanding if I couldn't be attendence. But, I feel an obligation to attend. This is *my* group. *My* project. I was there for the beginning. I should darn well be there for the end.

I would feel better if we weren't having it at the dingy bar on the edge of campus. Most of you know me. I've never been a fan of dingy bars. But hey, they sponsored us. The joys of sponsorship.

I've still got a few minutes to kill, so I'm at the NAIT computer lab. More fond memories. This time, of Augustana. It was on late evenings like this in their cramped computer lab in the basement of the classroom building where I first learned to surf the Internet. And, like back then, you can tell the end of the semester is drawing near, because the place is jammed with folks typing reports.

Anyway, surely there must be a Shockwave game I can play.

Next Issue...Gorp Attacks!

Just read lots of interesting tidbits I've got to pass along.

Firstly...The Hobbit. When Peter Jackson first starting doing the Lord of the Rings trilogy, the top question asked was always, "Will you ever go back and do The Hobbit?" Jackson's answer was, "Ugh! Let me finish Lord of the Rings first!" Now, with the final installment of LOTR on the horizon, people are asking him again. Guess what he's saying now? "You know what? Yeah! I think I'd like to."

Secondly, strage things are happening at Disney. Firstly, Roy E. Disney, Walt Disney's nephew and the last semblance that Disney was a family company, has resigned. That's right! There are no longer Disneys working at Disney! Long story short, Roy Disney thinks that Disney product has declined in quality over the years, and since it's still his family's name on it, and he's starting to be left out of the loop, he wants nothing more to do with it.

But, Roy Disney was the head of Disney Animation. Many are seeing this as the sign that traditional, hand-drawn animation is finally dead. Or is it. Guess which company is currently looking into opening a traditional, 2-D animation division?

You'll never guess.

Pixar.

That's right. The folks who started the CGI film medium are looking to resurrect the medium that was their forefather. Makes sense. A lot of Pixar employees are ex-Disney. I wonder if they go through pangs when they see how bad things have gotten at Disney.

But, as with all Internet news, is this true? Exciting stuff if it is!

Next Issue...To Infinity, and...no, that's all.

Gonna make this quick cuz I gotta Monthly Spam to send out. Latest column's up! How to Make the Workplace a Better Place:

"I'm sure most of the people reading this have spent their time in minimum wage hell. If not, then I'm sure you've had to work some other job that you equally hate. My time in minimum wage hell, as I'm sure you all know, was spent at Extra Foods, and while there, I started thinking of ways that things could be made better for the employees. One of my brilliant ideas had to do with reprimands."

Read it all!

Next Issue...Requiem for a Scarecrow

I felt like watching a DVD, so I watched Fight Club again. That DVD is the one thing I've loaned for the longest in my life. About 2.5 years ago now was when I bought my DVD player. I wanted to show it off to someone, so I invited Yves up to Entwistle for a weekend. She brought along her Fight Club DVD. Now, she didn't own a DVD player. She bought it and always watched it on Mr. Anderson's roommate's DVD player. But, at this point in my history, Mr. Anderson was in Nova Scotia learning how to parles francais, and Yves now had no access to a DVD player. So, we watched it on my brand new DVD player and dubbed it onto VHS for her. When Sunday came and she was packing up to go home, she left Fight Club behind. "Since I don't have a DVD player, and you do, you may as well hang onto it," was her reasoning. She and Mr. Anderson will be coming home from Japan in about 2 weeks or so, and since DVD players have become really cheap, you just know that they'll dip into their savings, buy themselves a DVD player, and then it will be time to give Fight Club back. "I am Jack's broken heart."

Oh, well. Watching it again, I began to notice similarities between that film's trio of heroes and the trio of heroes in my all-time favourtie book, 1984. Our nameless narrator is a lot like Winston Smith, in that they're just cogs in the machinery of society, know that there's something wrong with the way society works, but not sure as to how to start changing things. When they realize it's time to change things, they reach out to a false saviour: nameless guy to Tyler Durden, and Winston to O'Brien. And, both our heroes find ultimate salvation in a woman: Marla/Julia. The big difference is that Winston Smith finds salvation quite early, and his false saviour wound up destroying his salvation and beating him back into society. Hmm. I guess Fight Club really does have a happy ending.

I see the movie version of 1984 is finally on DVD. Hopefully, I'll get it for Christmas so when Mr. Anderson comes over for holiday cheer, I can force him to watch it and maybe he'll see the same parallels. The book is still better than the movie, but the movie is about as perfect an adaptation as you could hope for.

But let's talk of happy things! Let's do something I haven't done here in a while: summarize the latest episode of the new He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. Actually, the new name for the second season is Masters of the Universe vs. the Snake Men. Today's episode....

The Price of Deceit - We open at the ruins of the Hall of Elders. The Snake Men Tounge Lasher and Sssqueeze are looking for a tablet for their master, King Hiss.

We then go to to Evil-Lynn, running for her life. She betrayed Skeletor to the Snake Men, and now Skeletor is out for revenge. Evil-Lynn is running towards the temple of the wize and ancient wizard, the Faceless One; her father. But, before she can enter the temple, Skeletor's forces overwhelm Evil-Lynn and drag away her lifeless body. The Faceless One watches from inside his temple, unable to help because he is imprisoned by magic. But he will get someone to help his daughter....

Meanwhile, at the Eternia Palace, Man-At-Arms and Prince Adam are tinkering with Duncan's latest development: a jet aircraft called the Wind Raider. Suddenly, a ball of green light falls from the sky and materializes into an image of the Faceless One. The Faceless One informs Man-At-Arms and Adam of Skeletor's plan. For his vengeance, Skeletor plans to throw Evil-Lynn into the Pool of Shadows, which is the portal to the Forsaken Realm. With the portal open, who knows what evil might spill out into Eternia? Once the Faceless One leaves, Adam transforms into He-Man, hops into the Wind Raider, and jets off to the Pool of Shadows.

At the Pool of Shadows, Evil-Lynn is dangling over the dark pit, and Skeletor begins the unneccesarily slow dipping device. Evil-Lynn begins to plead for her life, citing that she's always been loyal. We then have a flashback to when Evil-Lynn and Skeletor, or Keldor, as we was originally known, first met. Beast Man, Tri-Klops, and Trap Jaw were ransacking a shrine for the Orb of Agony. But, they run into a teenaged Evil-Lynn, who managed to swipe the Orb first, and they fight. Evil-Lynn easily defeats the three of them. Impressed, Keldor steps from the shadows and asks Evil-Lynn to join his forces. Evil-Lynn, equally impressed by Keldor, accepts.

Back in the present, Skeletor's forces shoot down the Wind Raider. They fight He-Man. He-Man wins and continues towards the Pool of Shadows on foot.

Back at the Pool of Shadows, Evil-Lynn's plea failed, and Skeletor continues slowly dropping her to her death. Evil-Lynn tries again, this time pointing out how, if it weren't for her, Skeletor wouldn't exist. Flashback #2. It's shortly after Keldor's final attack on General Randor failed. The acid meant for Randor is now slowly eating away Keldor's face. His flesh is dropping off in great, green globs, and Evil-Lynn is helping him limp towards a temple. They enter and approach a pool. Keldor removes something from his belt, drops it into the pool, and asks Evil-Lynn to activate it with her magic. Evil-Lynn does so, there is a great burst of light, and from the pool comes the one, the only, HORDAK! Keldor begs Hordak to save his life. Hordak says, "Your bargining position is highly dubious, but very well. I will give you a new body." Hordak's magic envelops Keldor, and Keldor's body transforms. Evil-Lynn looks up and says, "Keldor?" Hordak says, "No. Behold...Skeletor!" Together, Skeletor and Evil-Lynn leave the temple, and Hordak vanishes.

Back in the present. All this reminiscing means nothing to Skeletor, and it looks like Evil-Lynn is doomed. A dark beast emerges from the pool and, tired of waiting for Evil-Lynn to come to him, starts to move towards Evil-Lynn. He-Man arrives and rescues Evil-Lynn, much to everyone's surprise. He-Man fights the dark beast, and wins, smashing the Pool of Shadows and its shrine. Skeletor is buried in the rubble. Evil-Lynn asks He-man why he saved her, and He-Man says it was because the Faceless One said she was worth saving. Evil-Lynn then goes through a very melodramaitc perforance where she consideres turning to the good sign, but it's all a ruse to get He-Man to drop his guard, and she kicks his ass. She then goes, rescues Skeletor, and drags his weakend body back to Snake Mountain. He-Man just shrugs this off, repairs the Wind Raider as best he can, and starts heading back to the palace.

Snake Mountain. Skeletor and Evil-Lynn confer. Evil-Lynn points out how she just saved Skeletor and surely this must prove her loyalty. Skeletor agrees, allows Evil-Lynn back on his team, and simply says, "But if you ever do it again...." Evil-Lynn walks off, and we can already see that she's planning to do it again.

We end at the lair of the Snake Men. Tounge Lasher and Sssqueeze present the tablet to King Hiss. Hiss says it's just what he needs and laughs maniacly.

My thoughts and comments: Great to see more Evil-Lynn origin. Great to see HORDAK! In ToyFare, they're already hinting that Hordak might be the big baddie in season 3. That's what I'm hoping to see for the premiere in season 3. Hordak appears, and he's flanked by the Horde: Mantenna, Grizzlor, Leech, Cat-Ra, and his most feared warrior of all, General Adora.

I'm loving how they're going back and just adding more to the He-Man universe. A few episodes back, we got some great back story for the Sorceress, and some hints as to who Teela's true father is. (Everyone who's watched the original show knows that the Sorceress is
Teela's mother, and Man-At-Arms her adopted father.) This episode centered around Teela again longing to know who her true parents were, and Man-At-Arms going to see the Sorceress to once again say, "Dude. Tell her the truth." The Sorceress then told this tale. After Skeletor was imprisoned and peace came to Eternia, the Sorceress decided to take a sabatical from Greyskull, and took the form a simple woman in a village. But, with Skeletor in prison, it wasn't long before a few other petty warlords popped up, and the Sorceress had to summon forth her powers to save her new home. The village was safe, but then, after the war, an amnesic soldier wandered into the village. The Sorceress nursed him back to health, and they fell in love. They had a fairy tale romance, but then, one day, the soldier just wandered off. The Sorceress always told herself that the soldier must have regained his memory and gone back to his unit. The Sorceress started feeling disturbances in the Force, and returned to her duties at Greyskull. But, she didn't return alone. Soldier boy knocked her up. After this tale, Man-At-Arms and the Sorceress had this tantalizing exchange.

Man-At-Arms>> And so this soldier left you with a child.
Sorceress>> Yes. Your daughter, Teela.
Man-At-Arms>> You mean my adopted daughter.
Sorceress>> (pause) Yes. Of course.

Oooooooo! Is Man-At-Arms Teela's actual father? Only time will tell!

And I've ranted far too much

Next Issue...You met me at a very strange time in my life.

Wow. I'm in total amazement. Telus Webmail finally got a spam filter. After a few days of paranoia that I'd lose something important if I set it to automatically delete spam, I bit the bullet and set it to do just that. Now, the 100 spam messages I used to get daily have been whittled down to 3.

Did you ever decide to do the right thing but later regret it because it meant making more work for yourself? See, in my Internet computer course that I have to take, it continuously pissed me off that the tests always included material that wasn't covered in the course. Finally, I complained to the instructor about it. He said, "OK, smart guy. Here's the last two tests. Point out the questions that aren't covered in the course and I'll forward it to the folks who run the online courses." Took me a good chunck of my Friday afternoon, but after careful analysis, I determined that 1/3 of each test wasn't covered in the course material. Let's see if this changes things.

And when that was done, I had to go to the Nest, NAIT's on-campus bar. Another group in my class was doing their promotion. They chose to do a variation on Speaker's Corner. Rant on camera, best one gets shown on TV, and you win a prize. Because it was Friday afternoon, they were afraid they wouldn't get anyone. So, they asked me to come down and do a rant. I think I'll take that as a compliment.

"Mark, we need a colourful person for this project. Can we just turn the camera on you and let you be yourself?"

Speaking of compliments, I've also got to point out an instructor's comment on an assignment I just got back. The task was to watch a news story, transcribe it, and then analyze if it was a good story or a bad story. Thing is, they haven't taught us anything about news yet. If I had to draw an analogy, I think it was the pre-activity for when they teach us news next semester. But I digress.

This assignment was angst-ridden for me. The original news story I wanted to transcribe was eaten by my VCR, so I had to come up with a second choice the night before it was due. Wanting my angst to count for something, I turned in both my complete second choice and my half-complete first choice. The mark my instructor wrote on the cover was "A++++." The comment? "I can hardly wait to get you into the newsroom next semester. You GET this."

Maybe I won't be a DJ. Do I strike you as a hard-boiled newsman?

Next Issue...The Return of Jigsaw Jamison

Right now, I'm struggling to define "professionalism."

Mr. Anderson has made it to Tokyo. He's staying with the head office guy I'm currently talking to in the hopes of getting my Godzilla poster back. Now, even though head office guy has been too busy to tell me how much I owe so I can settle this, he's been able to hint to Mr. Anderson that the total is around $250. (And, based on my average expenses in Japan, I seriously doubt that number.)

So, let me get this straight:

Head office guy talks about confidential office matters with people who are just passing through.

I wore a hat to work.

Head office guy called me "unprofessional."

Say it with me...WHAT THE FUCK?

Next Issue...Summer Vacation

And thus ends another day. Didn't study very much for the English test tomorrow. But then, I really don't care anymore. The end of the semester is coming quickly, and my boredom is starting to show.

For example, I have this one course called "Radio Concepts." It's quite easy. See, people were going into radio with stars in their eyes, wanting to become DJs. Naturally, when they found out about all the other stuff that goes on at a radio station, they'd grow disillusioned and quit. So, in Radio Concepts, we go on field trips to radio stations and find out all about the other jobs. I've been to sales (I WILL NEVER BE A SALESMAN AGAIN), copy and traffic (I could be a writer) and production (could be very cool). Today was promotions. I will admit, my trip to promotions was somewhat...enlightening. Right now, I'm deeply stressing in my promotions project at school, so my attitude on this trip was "FUCK PROMOTIONS! FUCK IT UP ITS STUPID ASS!" But, I did find out that, in the real world, things are a lot more organized and thus move more smoothly.

But, anyway, after each trip I have to write a report on it. My reports all tend to follow the same format, and they're starting to get boring. So, today, I borrowed a digital camera from the school with the idea that I'd jazz up my report with pictures. I also have to give an oral presentation with my group, so this spiraled into the idea to construct a power point for our presentation.

Anyway, currently downloading the Hellboy trailer. Might be a good film.

Next Issue...Christmas is soon!

I hope you'll forgive me if I take a moment to do the highly cruel and ill-mannered act of laughing at my best friend, Mr. Anderson. He just e-mailed me, proudly proclaiming that, on his big cycling trip in Japan, he has finally arrived in Tokyo. He rode 500 km in 12 hours in the driving rain. And he made it Tokyo! That is a great accomplishment, and on that, I applaud you, buddy!

But as soon as he arrived in Tokyo, he went straight to the Tokyo Tower. That's what's making me laugh.

See, Lonely Planet Japan doesn't have very many kind things to say about the Tokyo Tower. All of my students didn't have very nice things to say about Tokyo Tower. EVERYONE I MET IN THE TOKYO AREA didn't have very nice things to say about the Tokyo Tower. I'm sure I can reasonably say that THE TOKYO TOWER IS THE MOST REVILED TACKY TOURIST STOP IN TOKYO. And that's why I never went.

But it's the first place Mr. Anderson just had to go after riding for 12 hours in the driving rain.

*snicker*

Oh, well. It could have been worse. He could have gone striaght to Tokyo Disneyland. That I did do, but only because most of my students were high school girls who had an insane love of all things cute, like Disney characters, so Tokyo Disneyland was the one thing they always highly, highly recommended. Yeah, I hated myself when I saw how much money I spent, but I was popular with the girls.

Next Issue...People Who Laugh At Their Best Friends Have No Friends. (Sorry, Mr. Anderson.)

I wasted far too much time watching TV tonight. I could have been working! I'm getting so stressed at school right now. My defence mechanism seems to be to shut down higher brain functions and waste time doing nothing. I comfort myself with the great words of Capt. Kirk: "The greater the intelligence, the greater the need for play."

Speaking of play, my parents are going to kill me. Spent an hour and half downloading Adam Sandler's Hannuka Song pt. 3. With the laptop still in the shop, I'm starting to reconstruct my catalogue of Christmas MP3s. The one last one that's still eluding me is the Cryptkeeper's Christmas Rap. Twisted brilliance, it is it is.

Next Issue...All I Want For Christmas Are Two Big [censored]

HAPPY NEW WEEK! Let's celebrate with a new column, which can be found at the main site. This week's offering is called The Moons of Jupiter. Free sample!

"Now, while I'm no Galileo, I do tend to tackle things with the mind of a scientist. I have these degrees in physics and math, you see, and it has blessed and cursed me with an analytical mind. One of my physics professors once stated that physics is "the master science that underlies all. Once you know physics, you'll be able to pick up any science textbook and immediately get a grasp of it." And he was right. On good days, I'm like Neo in The Matrix. When I stare at a problem long enough, I'm able to see the swirling mass of equations that governs its behaviour. "Mathematics is the language in which God wrote the universe." Galileo again. But, for most of my short life, I have been surrounded by one problem that Galileo did very little research on. "

The moons are a symbol. Find out what it represents.

Next Issue...Arise, Serpentor! Or not.

WOO! The Critic is coming to DVD! This short-lived cartoon was on the mid-1990s and was created by a few Simpsons writers. Jon Lovitz did the voice of Jay Sherman, a NYC film critic, and the show was a blend of Hollywood satire and family comedy as we followed Jay's quest for true love. The big DVD boxed set The Critic: The Complete Series comes out January 27 and will have all 23 episodes. Among the bonus featuers will be running commentaries on 8 select episodes, various featurettes about the creation of the show, and every online episode from The Critic's resurrection as a Shockwave cartoon from 1999 - 2001.

But I must still ask: Where's Tokyo Mew Mew?

Next Issue...Next Column

So I'm leafing throught the latest issue of Star Trek Communicator, and they mention the latest project from Tim Russ. He played Tuvok on Voyager. He is currently directing a short film that he wrote. It's called Roddenberry on Patrol.

As you know, Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry was a motorcycle cop with the LAPD before he broke into television. So, the short film Roddenberry on Patrol is a "What if?" tale, where we follow Roddenberry doing his cop thing and the people he runs into and the things he does seem vaguely like they could have inspired Star Trek. Russ has filled many of the roles with original series stars and some of his old buddies from Voyager.

It sounds a lot like the classic Internet short film from a few years back, George Lucas in Love. I've never seen that, and I'd really like to. Remember this? We follow Lucas around the UCLA campus, and certain folks he run into seem somewhat "inspirational" for the Star Wars characters he goes on to create.

I've got to grab a video camera and make one of these "inspired by" short films. I think I've already got my subject. I'll get together with some buddies, and we'll make a live-action Pokemon short film! Of course, it'll spoof Pokemon as well. I just imagine this scene where, when Team Rocket makes the appearance, Ash cuts off their motto with "Oh, SHIT! Would you two FUCKING GIVE IT UP?" I wonder if the TV people would help me out with it....

Next Issue...The Silver Cup

Wow. My Promotions & Marketing class is starting to mess with my mind. Part of the class has been the design of questionairres: why you ask which questions. Tonigh, while driving home, my Dad and I stopped at KFC to pick up a bucket of chicken for dinner. KFC is doing the promotional tie-in with The Lord of the Rings, and the clerk sweet-talked my Dad into getting the Lord of the Rings family meal. Along with it was a scratch-n-win card. I lost, but I did get a PIN number so I could enter the contest at their website and download cool LOTR stuff.

(epiphany of the night: "PIN" stands for "Personal Identification Number." So isn't it redundant to call it a "PIN number?")

I like downloading cool stuff, so I just punched in the PIN to enter the contest. And, lo and behold, part of the entry form was a questionairre! My first thought was, "OK. Why are they asking these questions? Why do they want to know this information?" I answered it using what I've learned, and it all seemed quite logical. And the cool downloads were just a couple of wallpapers and a screensaver.

And now, sad news. Johnathon Brandis is dead at the age of 27. He had several small film roles over the past few years, but I still remember him best as boy genius Lucas Wolenczek on the early-90s sci-fi show seaQuest DSV. His role on that show made him quite the teen idol 10 years ago. The coroner's report is out yet, but everyone is assuming it was a suicide. Wow. seaQuest came on just as I began collecting action figures. I still have my MIB Lucas Wolenczek figure.

Next Issue...Purple Panties