So, I'm continuing the Pokemon obsession that began when I bought movie #5 the other day, and it's just continuing now that I've seen the first episode of season 6, Pokemon Advance. I was geeking out over the whole thing. It was weird seeing the opening credits sequence that I was so familiar with in Japan, now re-edited and with an English theme song. But, it was great seeing how things all began for Ash in the Hoenn region! And I do so love to share.

Let's Get the Show on the Road - The episode opens with our introduction to May, Ash's new female companion. She's riding her bike down the road, and in an aside, she tells us her story. It's her 10th birthday, meaning she is now of legal age to go on a Pokemon journey. So, she's off to see Professor Birch and get her first pokemon. At this point, she's spooked by a ghost pokemon and runs into a tree. Now, she tells us the truth. She doesn't really like pokemon. She's young and consumed with wanderlust, and she figures that a pokemon journey is the perfect excuse to get out and travel the world. She stops on a hilltop and watches a cruise ship pull into the docks at Littleroot Town.

On that crusie ship is our hero, Ash Ketchum, and he's very worried. Pikachu is deathly ill after last week's battle with Team Rocket, so Ash is desperate for the ship to get to Littleroot Town so he can take Pikachu to the Pokemon Center. Also on the ship are Team Rocket, but Jessie is in the throws of an existential quandry. "We've followed that twerp and tried to catch Pikachu for so long now," she says to James. "Is this all there is to life? We've now followed that kid halfway across the world! Why? Why do we do this?" James just kind of says, "Because we do."

The ship docks in Littleroot Town, and Ash is horrified to discover that the town doesn't have a Pokemon Centre. Knowing he needs help, Ash calls up Professor Oak's colleage in the Hoenn Region, Professor Birch. Ash calls Birch's lab and talks to Joshua, Brich's assistant. Joshua tells Ash to sit tight and he'll send Professor Birch down right away. Ash gets comfy. Pikcahu sleeps a restless sleep in Ash's arms. Then, a jeep comes tearing down the streets! It stops and out steps a big, bearded man. It's Professor Birch! Ash and Pikachu get into the jeep and the go flying back to Birch's lab. Along the way, Birch asks Ash if Pikachu had come into contact with any large magnetic fields lately. Ash says yeah, in last week's episode, Team Rocket's latest Pikachu-catcher used a giant electromagnet to restrain Pikachu. Birch says that's the problem. The electomagnet threw off Pikachu's ability to safely discharge his electricity. Now, it's all building up inside Pikachu. They have to drain off Pikachu's excess power. At this point, Pikachu begins struggling in Ash's arm. Pikachu's illness is making him delusional.

They arrive at Birch's lab and Joshua has the equipment ready. They lay Pikachu on the exam table and hook-up the electrodes. They throw the switch and begin draining Pikachu's power. But, Pikachu has too much power! The machine can't take it all! The machine explodes and, in his sick, delusional state, Pikcahu jumps out the window and makes a run for it. Ash goes after, but tells Birch that he's got no Pokemon to help bring in Pikachu. Birch grabs the pokemon he was saving for May to choose from and goes after Ash. Birch goes after Ash and tells the news. The build-up of electricity is worse than he thought. If they're not very gentle in capturing Pikachu, Pikachu will explode.

At this point, May shows up at Birch's lab, and Joshua tells her the situation. May goes off to help.

Ash and Birch split up to cover more ground. Birch slips and tumbles over a ledge, where he disturbs an angry pack of Poocheynas. (Wolf pokemon.) Birch climbs a tree for safety and is stuck. At this point, May shows up. Birch tells May to choose a pokemon from his bag (which he dropped when he fell over the ledge) and use a pokemon to fight off the Poocheynas. May selects a Mudkip, but her disinterest in pokemon shows when she accidentally unleashes Mudkip's attacks on herself. Birch manages to escape from the tree and uses Mudkip himself.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the forest, Ash finds Pikachu. But, in his delusional state (I love saying "Pikachu's delusional state), Pikachu sees Ash as being a monster, and unleashes a massive Thuderbolt on Ash. Birch and May spot this and go running over. Birch and May show up to find both Ash and Pikachu unconscious. Birch cautiously approaches Pikachu but Pikachu wakes up! Still delusional, Pikachu leaps off a cliff! Ash wakes up and jumps after!

After commercial, Ash catches Pikachu and grabs onto a branch hanging from the side of the cliff. Birch and May throw down a rope and Ash starts climbing up. But, Pikachu wakes up! The delusional Pikachu begins fighing Ash, even biting Ash! Ash starts speaking very calmly to Pikachu. Thanks to Ash's reassuring voice, Pikachu awakens from his delusional state. Ash and Pikachu make it to the top, and now, Pikachu is ready to go back to Birch's lab and get healed.

But, Team Rocket shows up with their latest Pikachu catching machine! But what's the point, Jessie muses. They'll just screw it up and go blasting off again. Meowth figures this time they've got it in the bag. They easily catch the weakend Pikachu and throw on their machine. This is an energy-draining machine! It'll drain off Pikachu's electricity and make Pikachu more managable. They begin draining the energy, but there's soooo much! It starts overloading the machinery! And soon, it's not long before Pikachu's energy levels are back to normal! Jessie is amazed at how much energy Pikachu had stored and is reminded. THIS is why it's so important to catch Pikachu! With this power on their side.... Yes! Now back to normal, Pikachu throws off a Thundershock and sends Team Rocket blasting off again. The Thundershock also destroys May's bike, much to May's dismay. Pikachu collapses, completely drained.

Back in the lab, Professor Birch gives the prognosis. Team Rocket's energy-draining machine was just what Pikachu needed! After a good night's sleep, Pikachu should be back to normal. Now, with this done, Birch and May can ge down to the task of selecting May's first pokemon. Ash figures he's got to be a part of this so he can glimpse some Hoenn region pokemon. First, May looks over a Treeko; a grass pokemon. "Too icky," she declares. Then, she looks at the Mudkip; the same one that accidentally attacked her before. Too many bad memories there. The last one is a fire-type; the chicken-esque Torchick. Torchick takes an instant liking to May, and the feelings mutual. She utters those magic words, "Torchick, I choose you!" (But under her breath, she mutters that she'd gladly give up all the pokemon in the world.)

The next morning, May starts gearing herself up. She's pissed over how her bike got destroyed by Pikachu, so she's going to ream out Ash and Pikachu. But once she sees the not-quite recovered Pikachu in bed, and Ash, who was by Pikachu's bedside all night, she figures now's not really the best time to tear a strip off them. She goes outside at gets to know Torchick a little better. Soon, Ash and Pikachu come out, and Pikachu and Torchick become fast friends. Ash says that Pikachu's made his first friend in the Hoenn region. May looks at how well Pikachu is getting along with Torchick, then looks at the charred remains of her bike. Under her breath, she mutters, "Meh, it's just a bike. Who cares?"

After breakfast, Ash and May are ready to set out on their journey. Birch suggests they go to the closest Pokemon Center in Oldale Town, so they can register in Hoenn League. May, reluctant to go alone because her bike was destroyed, suggests that she and Ash should make the trip together. Ash agrees, and they set out for Oldale Town! To be continued....

And thus begins Pokemon Advance!

And since I'm so obsessed right now, I had to do some research online, and was delighted to find, coming to Japanese theaters on July 17...Pokemon 7.

Next Issue...Delusional Pikachu

Lots of fascinating stuff!

First, the movie news.

Bryan Singer, he who made the X-films, has just announced his next project! Sorry, it's not X3. Singer's next is a remake of Logan's Run. If you've never seen it, I recommend it. It's the quintessential cheezy 1970s sci-fi film. See, in the post-apocolyptic future, the remnants of humanity live in a giant domed city. And, to keep the population under control, you die when you hit 30. Naturally, some people don't like this, so a cop named Logan is dispatched to infiltrate these rebels and shut them down. But, he begins to sympathize, and soon he's trying to escape from the city. Singer's new film is going to be more faithful to the original novel. And in the novel, you die at 21.

Now, random oberservation news:

I finally bought Pokemon 5 on DVD, and was geeking out throughout the whole thing. The first time I saw it was a year and a half ago when it was first released in Japan. And now, I finally saw it in English! The one thing that really made me geek out, though, was the fact that they didn't rescore it for North America! Original music, baby! Well, the only change was the one or two banal J-pop tunes were replaced with one or two banal, discount bin pop tunes. And when I was in Japan, I was always so tempted to buy the soundtrack. I don't know. These North American dubs had much higher production values when Warner Brothers was doing the dubbing. Miramax looks like they don't care.

And while Pokemon 5 is one of the lesser of the Pokefilms, it will always be the best Pokemon film experience for me. I mean, I saw it when it first came out in Japan. I saw it on a matinee when it was just me and a few dozen schoolkids who had skipped class. I had very little idea what was going on. But you know what? It was almost a cooler film when I didn't know what was going on.

But yeah. If I remember right, Miramax's deal to distribute the films in North America ended with 5. So that means we need a distributor for #6! I've said it before and I'll say it again. When I got the call from AEON two weeks before I left offerening me an emergency teacher position, the only "pro" I had on my "pro/con" list was, "I'll be able to stay in Japan long enough to see Pokemon 6." They had begun running TV spots for it, darn it!

And I always wonder about Pokemon. In 10 years, when everyone who's currently 12 is 22, will Pokemon have a similar following like how Transformers has a following now? Probably.

Anyway, after I watched Pokemon 5, I watched Kiki's Delivery Service again. That is one of the most charming films I've ever seen! It's just something about Japanese animation. It's like, here in North America, we've grown to be a very cynical society. And that cynisism leads to films like Shrek and Teacher's Pet. But it seems like Japan is still a very innocent society; one that still believes in magic. And it shows in their film. From the top films of Miyazaki to the bottom-of-the-barrel that are the Pokemon films, there is an honesty and a truth to the magic. It's not treated cynically.

And I think that's cool.

Next Issue: Latios and Latias - Guardians of Water

And now, the news.

In an effort to combat obesity, McDonald's has announced that they're phasing out the supersize. Clerks are going to stop asking, "Would you like to supersize that?" and it'll be taken off the menu completely by the end of the year.

The day after McDonald's made this announcement, a man named Morgan Spurlock began doing promotional interviews for his film. His film is called Super Size Me: A Film of Epic Proportions. What's this film about? Well, I'm glad you asked.

Back when McDonald's was first sued for causing obesity, McDonald's used the defence that they're food is actually healthy. Spurlock said to himself, "Oh, really?" and decided to eat nothing but McDonald's food for a month. What happened to Spurlock? He gained 25 pounds and his cholesterol shot up 60 points. This is the anchor of his documentary, which is about the growing obesity problem in the USA. The film has won an award at the Sundance Film Festival, and it's gearing up for a major release.

McDonald's claims their decision to ax the supersize has nothing to do with this film.

Be sure to watch for Super Size Me, coming soon to a theatre near you.

You know, I once had a great idea for McDonald's; all fast food restaurants, really. I do so love the combo meals, but I find that, somedays, just the regular size fries and the regular cola you get is too much. So, I figure if supersize bumps it up one larger, we should be able to downsize and get one size smaller. How would like to hear that from a McClerk? "You can downsize for 39 cents less." I think it's bloody brilliant.

Next Issue...Down Size it.

And the Bat-news just keeps coming! Another real actor has just joined the cast of the next Batman movie. Gary Oldman will play the young Lt. Gordon. Wow.

And tomorrow's just going to be a crazy day. I've got classes, my first campaign speech, I have to conduct two interviews for another project, and get some my posters made up for campaigning.

And all before 1pm.

Wow.

Next Issue...Boom!

I think it's time to attempt my grand sociological experiment.

I first hatched this idea in Japan, as I read the personal ads in Metropolis; Tokyo's free weekly English magazine. I'd always read the personal ads and laugh at them. They were always so pathetic. "Lonely white guy seeks hot Japanese woman." And then, one day, I stumbled across one that was so much like my situation I couldn't stand it: a virgin seeking his "first time."

I then started wondering about this guy. How many responses did he receive? I figured the best way to do it would be to run my own personal ad. I would run an ad similar, set up a hotmail account to receive responses, and then wait to see if anyone did actually reply.

I outlined this all in a column I never published, mainly because I started writing better ones.

So, here at NAIT, their student paper has something called the Grapevine, which is where all students can submit three or four lines of stuff they want to rant about. (To my fellow Augustana alumni, think Three Lines Free.) Many of them are, "Hey baby, I think you're hot, let's hook up and make sweet love," and then they never sign their name. This would be the perfect place to attempt my experiment. I've just got to try this.

Anyway, more Marvel movie news:

Spider-Man 3 - Marvel is already targeting a Summer 2007 release.

Elektra - Starts filming in May.

Iron Man - Starts filming near the end of summer.

Fantastic Four - Still looking for a director.

Luke Cage - John Singleton is directing. He brought us such gritty urban dramas as Boys n the Hood. His last film was the craptacular action sequel 2 Fast 2 Furious.

Next Issue...Showtime

Morning Movie News!

The Chronicles of Narnia - Disney has just signed on to be the worldwide distributor and co-financer of C.S. Lewis's classic series of fantasy novels. Andrew Adamson, director of the Shrek films, has already been writing and preparing to direct, and New Zealand's WETA Workshop, the FX wizards behind The Lord of the Rings are doing the effects.

Toy Story 3 - Speaking of da mouse, now that Pixar's off their back and they still own the sequel rights to the Toy Story films, Disney has begun brainstorming ideas for a Toy Story 3. This is doomed to failure without Pixar.

A Princess of Mars - This will be the next for Robert Rodreiguiz after Sin City. This is another series of fantasy novels that Hollywood has also tried to make for some time. Princess is the first in a series of novels about John Carter, an old-west gunslinger who is magically transported to Mars, and finds the Red Planet to be a bizzare fantasy world full of mythical beasts, magical princess and the like. Of course, in order to survive here, Carter becomes a Conan-type warrior and, thanks to the lower gravity on Mars, he can jump around like Spider-Man. The John Carter books were written by Edgar Rice Burroughs, who is, of course, more famous for creating Tarzan.

Next Issue...Mark of Mars

So, my parents are taking off on Wednesday night, and I'm going to be home alone until Saturday morning. Naturally, I'm scanning the pay-per-view menu for the rest of the week seeing if there's anything worth ordering. I've narrowed it down to either Once Upon a Time in Mexico or All Asian Girls part 7. Oh, decisions, decisions.

Maybe I'll just finally get Pokemon 5 on DVD and watch that instead.

As is my Monday night routine, I watched CSI: Miami. I just love the way David Caruso talks. It's similar to William Shatner, but not on the syllable by syllable. See, Caruso talks very...very...slowly...like...he's...having trouble...finding the words and then it starts going really really fast likehe'sfiguredouteverythinghewantstosayandithastocomeoutNOWNOWNOW. And then...back to...slow. It's great!

Another thing I'm finding interesting right now are the reviews of Star Trek: Voyager - Season One. (Came out on DVD last week.) For a lot of the Trekkie reviewers, it's their first time seeing the first season of VOY since it first premiered. And the consensus tends to be: "OH MY GOD! Voyager was actually GOOD in its first season! It had so much potentail! What went wrong?" So, some are now looking forward to the upcoming releases just so they can start looking for the exact spot that VOY started to completely fall apart.

And I got my first grade for my radio announcing. 65%. Still making far too many rookie mistakes. I'm sounding conversational, though, which is one of the really tricky things.

Class average was 70%. Wow. So this is what it's like to be below average. It sucks.

Next Issue...Freak Off!

Just finished watching the Oscars. Let's here it for Finding Nemo, taking home the Oscar for Best Animated Film!

But I do have a new column up. This week's is Every Four Years:

My first (and so far only) published work had to do with the Olympics. It was February 1994. The winter Olympics in Lillehammer had just begun, and several news stories were on TV about how, 10 years earlier, the Winter Olympics were in Sarajevo. The media was finding it delightfully ironic how this former Olympic host city was now in the middle of a heated war zone. After watching a few of these reports, I felt inspired. I dug out my notepad, and wrote an essay about how much war sucks and wouldn’t it be cool if one day the only battles were the friendly ones for Olympic gold. In November of 1994, my English teacher gave the assignment to write something for the Remembrance Day ceremonies. The winner would get to read it at the ceremonies. Rather than write a lame poem like most of my classmates, I just went and dug out my essay. But I added the clarifying line, “I wrote this a few months back.” I presented it to the class, my English teacher loved it, and I read it at the ceremonies. Then, my English teacher faxed it to the Edmonton Journal, and it ran in the Journal’s Remembrance Day insert.

Read it all!

Next Issue...the Games Begin

So, the big news right now is what's in store for the third season of Justice League. For season three, the show's name is being changed to Justice League Unlimited, and every episode will feature a guest shot from some other DC comics hero. Already announced: Green Arrow, Supergirl, the Atom, and Booster Gold.

I can hardly wait! I'm still waiting to see the big episode Wild Card, which features the Joker pitting the Justice League and the Royal Flush Gang against each other in the ultimate reality TV show.

next Issue...Mark Unlimited

Argh. I was up way too early yesterday. When I have to do a 7:30 shift at the radio station, I've got to be up at 5 am and on the road by 6. And then it doesn't help that I was up until midnight watching reruns of M*A*S*H.

Those are the two TV shows I was literally raised with: reruns of M*A*S*H and The Flintstones. MASH (getting tired of typing the *s) was on weeknights at 6:30 on ITV, right after the news, and The Flintstones was on CFRN every day at noon when I came home for lunch. I'll still never forget the the hubbub that went on when each station stopped showing those shows.

When ITV decided to stop showing MASH, there was a huge public outcry. It was so huge, rival TV stations carried the news. In fact, I'll never forget. At the time of this public outcry, a Canada-wide newspaper chain was running a poll to determine what the most favourite TV show of Canadians was. At the end of this article was, "And the big surprise was Edmonton, where people are still devoted to their MASH reruns." ITV finally caved and simply moved MASH to weekdays at 12:30 (right after The Flintstones). It was there for a few months - just long enough for the controversy to die - and then was yanked.

CFRN stopped showing The Flintstones a few months later. This all came about when I was in Grade 12. MASH was canceled around Christmas, and The Flintstones in the summer; right after I graduated. Not wanting to have a similar public backlash as befell ITV, CFRN sent off The Flintstones in style! On the July long weekend, they had a Flintstones marathon from midnight to 6 am. It was so popular, that they did it again for the August long weekend. I stayed up and watched each one.

And now, it's all coming to DVD. MASH: The Complete Fifth Season just came out, and The Flintstones: Season One comes out next month.

Oh, and I have to pass along a little bit of movie news. Kevin Smith's next film, Jersey Girl, comes out in a month, and Smith has made one last-minute edit. He's cut the wedding scene between Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. Apparently, he didn't want to confuse his viewers. I don't see why he had to do this, seeing as to how J.Lo dies in the first 20 minutes anyway.

Next Issue...Off and Running

Here's this morning's cool movie news! They're going to be making a movie about the making of Raiders of the Lost Ark. But not the one you're thinking of.

See, way back in 1981, a group of 12 year olds saw Raiders of the Lost Ark and were so inspired that they decided to do a shot-for-shot remake of the film starring themselves. This was when home video camera technology was in its infancy. It took them seven years to make it! They finished when they were 19! They wanted it to be as accurate as possible. Anyway, they all went to college and started getting on with their lives. But, their version of Raiders, which they showed to all of their friends and family, started getting passed around, copies were made, and soon it started to develop an underground following. Apparently, a copy even made it to Steven Spielberg, who congradulated the kids on their ingenuity.

Anyway, now with the Internet, the fame of this film finally spread. The mainstream finally picked up on it when Harry Knowles of Ain't It Cool News screened it at his annual Austin, Texas film festival. These kids - who are all in their late 20s/early 30s now - are starting to become rather famous.

Now, Scott Rudin, the producer of such fine films of School of Rock, The Addams Family, and South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut has bought the movie rights to their story! He's going to tell the tale of how these kids grew up making a version of their favourite film. (Lest you think Rudin can't do drama, he also did Searching for Bobby Ficsher and Wonder Boys.) The project is set up at Paramount, who made the Indiana Jones films.

I would love to see their remake. Hey, Mr. Anderson! Once you get your high speed Internet back, seek it out on Kazaa!

Now, to convince my friends to do that remake of Episode I....

Next Issue...Dibs on Jar Jar

So I'm leafing through this anime magazine that my mother occasionally brings home from work for me. I always laugh at their monthly costume contest. Not because the costumes are hideous, but because they refer to the entrants as "cosplayers." Now, when I was in Japan, I only heard that term associated with adult entertainment. For example, strippers who dress like nurses as part of their act. So, either the word has a broader definition that I'm not aware of, or it has a narrower definition that the magazine's editors aren't aware of.

It reminds me of Trouble telling me about her friends. Thery're die hard anime junkies, so, to sound worldly, they use the two or three words they gleam from anime. Once Trouble told me what the words are and how they use them, well, they were using them wrong.

Next Issue...When I Say Hai, I Don't Mean Hello

How I'm too smart for my own darn good #395:

In news class, we were given a sample press release and told to re-write it for broadcast, plus we had to think of 5 people we could contact to get more information about the story. The news release concerned a Liberal constituency announcing thier new candidate. The instructor suggested that we could talk to the head of the Liberal association, but because she suggested that, we couldn't use it. After class I asked, "The proper title for the head of the association is the president. Are you going to dock me marks if I list the president?"

She said no...and then launched into her latest tirade on how I'm just oh-so-perfect to go into news. He latest slant is I'm so good because I know "just enough about everything."

Anyway, as I sit here playing my computer mini golf, I am reminded of something. When it comes to mini-golf courses, I have never played West Edmonton Mall's golf course. What do they call it now...Professor Wem's Adventure Golf? I still think of it as Pebble Beach. That was its concept in the beginning: it was a mini-golf representation of the world famous Pebble Beach Golf Course.

As I thought of this, I remembered how I'd also never been on a date. Doesn't that seem like a good date thing? A round of mini-golf, a movie, and dinner. Now, I just need a woman.

Next Issue...A Robot Girl

More Batman news!

Japanese actor Ken Watanbe will be playing Ra's Al Guhl. He's currently nominated for Best Supporting Actor in The Last Samurai. Liam Neeson won't be playing the Demon's Head, as originally reported. Instead, he will be Henri Ducard, the billionarie industrialist who serves as mentor and surrogate father to Bruce Wayne.

And the rumor going around is that U2 will be doing the theme song for Spidey 2!

Next Issue...Lord of the Unknown Tower

Today's new addiction: computer mini-golf. I fished it out of a discount bin, and I've been glued to it all night.

I'm still lamenting over my promotions project. The people in my group.... Actually, the one thing that really gets me is it seems they've decided to run with my idea of a LAN party.

For those who don't know, a LAN party is when a bunch of computer geeks get together on a computer network and blast at each other in Quake, After Life, or whatever the lastest 3-D shooter is.

I only threw it out there because we were brainstorming and the instructor wanted us to think of "stuff that hasn't been done before."

The only thing is, because I suggested it, everyone in my group looks to me like I'm the expert in the field. Hardly. Stuff like LAN parties exist in a world of which I'm on the outer fringes of. I have no idea.

I'm almost embarrassed that my group's gone along with it this far. Every time we talk about some part of the planning, the ladies in the group just kind of roll their eyes. It's like they're only doing it to satisfy me.

Truth be told, I'd much rather get the theatre and have a screening of "UHF."

But it is strange, the way they look to me to explain it. When I hung out with all the computer science majors at Augustana, I was a mere mortal among gods. Now, my fellow mortals look at me as though I were a god.

(Hey, just trying to find a new way to phrase "big fish, little pond.)

Next Issue...Putt Putt

Latest column's up! Tonight's gem is called Mail Call:

"People just like to get mail. Correction. People like to get mail that’s not bills. Sadly, that’s all the mail seems to be used for these days. When you check your mailbox, what do you have? Phone bill. Power bill. Water bill. Gas bill. Credit card bills. Nothing but bills! I remember a friend in university. Whenever he got no mail, he would proclaim, “I have escaped again!” He finally explained to me that he meant he escaped from the bill collectors. And that’s just not right. There’s no joy in going to the mailbox anymore."

Click Here to Read It All!

next Issue...Back Upstairs

Just finished watching Oliver Beene. It's a so-so Malcolm in the Middle clone, it's main novelty being it's set in the early-1960s. Well, I watch it for a different novelty. One of our heroes school friends is a girl named Joyce, the picture of 1960s girlhood. And who plays this ideal of innocense and childhood in 1962? Why, none other than Daveigh Chase, who one acclaim for her role of Samara, the creepy, spooky, murderous phantom on the videotape in The Ring. Hmm. Now that I've watched a whole episode of Oliver Beene, I wonder if I have only seven days left to live? No one's called to tell me....

Since I had so little homework, I spent my afternoon watching Dogma again. While I do love Kevin Smith, and I know that Dogma was his pet project, I do think it's the lesser of his films. No matter how many times I watch it, it's always nothing like I expect. Look at the premise: two angels who've been cast out of heaven have found a loophole to get back in. If they do get in, the universe ends. Now, a ragtag bunch of heavenly beings are the only thing standing between the angels and the end of the world. Sounds like a pretty spectacular fantasy epic, doesn't it? But what do we get? 3/4 of the film consists of the characters sitting around debating Catholicism.

Kevin Smith said he wanted to wait until he was "ready as a filmmaker" before making it. I think he should have waited a few more films.

But stuff like that makes me eager to do my fantasy epic about life, the universe, and everything. I don't have a plot yet, just a mishmash of ideas:

- God is a Japanese woman
- The rulers of the universe are three people (2 men, 1 woman) sitting under a tree along a country road
- Death is an 8-year old girl
- And we've got throw some creepy looking twins in there.

This all seems like stuff I've pulled out of my head just for the sake of being different, but trust me, in my warped logic, this makes sense.

And I've been planning a project, too. One of my ideas brewing in the back of my head since my broadcasting education began was to co-opt the equipment and produce a reading of one of my columns. Take a column I like, throw in some supporting background music and sound FX, and throw it all on tape. Only thing is, we've been focusing on making 30 second commercials so far. I read the column aloud this afternoon to get a feel, and I'm looking at 12 minutes. So, it's all the stress and urgency I feel producing 30 second spots right now, times 24.

I can hardly wait to start.

Next Issue...I Like To Hug People

Wow! Such a sense of television completion in my life! Pokemon is preparing to undergo a big paradigm shift, as was indicated in today's episode. Here's the summary:

Gonna Catch Ya Later - After finsihing in the semi-finals at the Silver Cup Conference in the Jhoto League, Ash, Misty, and Brock are heading back to Ash's home of Pallet Town to take a sabbatical and decide where to go next on their Pokemon journey. But first, they're going to stop over and re-explore Veridian City, the city where Ash's original pokemon journey began. They stop at the Pokemon Center, where Nurse Joy tells them that Misty's sisters have been desperatly trying to get in touch with Misty. Misty places a call home. Her three sisters have won a trip around the world! They're getting ready to go, and they need Misty to come home and look after the family business: the Cerulian City gym. At this announcement, Nurse Joy brings Misty's bike out of the back room. Nurse Joy had been fixing it up all these years. (See, Ash and Misty first met when Ash stole Misty's bike so he could rush Pikachu to the Veridian City Pokemon Center. Ash totaled Misty's bike, and Misty said she'd follow Ash around until the day he replaces her bike.) Ash tries to be happy for Misty, telling her that now that she's got her bike back, she can get home in a hurry. But, choking back the tears, Misty charges off into the night. She doesn't want to end her journies with Ash and Brock.

While wandering the streets in an introspective mood, Misty runs afoul of a street gang and challenges them to a pokemon battle. The battle begins, but soon the bullies gang up on Misty. Three against one just ain't fair! Luckily, Ash and Brock show up to even the score, and our heroric trio trounces the gang. But then, Team Rocket shows up and traps our heroes and the street gang! The street gang was in league with Team Rocket! And now, the gang is pissed that Team Rocket double-crossed them. The gang escapes from the trap, and inadvertently frees our heroes in the process. Ash, Misty and Brock and their pokemon make Team Rocket go blasting off again.

At the edge of town, our heroes come to an intersection. Down one road is Pallet Town. Down another is Misty's hometown of Cerulian City. The third path leads to Brock's home of Boulder City. This is when Brock drops his bombshell. He got an e-mail saying there's some urgent business he's got to take care of back home. So, this is good-bye. Misty embarks down her path. Brock down his. As Ash watches them go, he lowers his head and begins speaking the words of love he couldn't say to his friends. He hears someone say, "What's that?" He looks up to see that Misty and Brock came back when they heard him talking. And they present their farewell gifts to Ash. Brock packed a lunch for Ash...complete with fork and knife. Misty gives Ash a cloth to bundle it up in. (Note: these cloths are quite common for people to carry their lunches in in Japan, and there's a proper name for it, but I've forgotten! Mr. Anderson...Yves...if you're reading...PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IT'S CALLED! Man, I watch Pokemon on a whole new level now.) And now, for real, our heroes go their seperate ways.

A few days later, we're in Pallet Town and Ash is chillin' at home. He decides to go up to Professor Oak's place to see his former rival Gary. (They're friends ever since Ash kicked Gary's ass in the Silver Cup Conference 2 weeks ago.) He arrives there, and Professor Oak and Tracy tell Ash that Gary left that morning. Gary didn't say anything, just that he "felt inspired." Ash goes sprinting down the road and catches up with Gary. Gary said that he's been on his pokemon journey for so long, that it doesn't feel right to stay still for so long. So, he's off on a new pokemon journey. Ash understands. Ash takes a pokeball out of his backpack, rips it in half, and gives half to Gary. (To get the significance, you had to be watching three weeks ago.) They say their good-byes, and Gary continues down the road.

Ash and Pikachu are sitting up in a tree, deciding what to do next. Ash tells Pikachu that it's weird, suddenly being alone. Ash looks up in the sky and sees Ho-Oh, a mythical pokemon! This Ho-Oh is flying towards the Hoenn region; a region filled with all manner of new, strange and wonderful pokemon. And this inspires Ash! He knows what to do next! He climbs down from the tree and begins sprinting home...only to fall into a hole dug in the ground. It's Team Rocket, once again using their patented pitfall trap to capture Ash and Pikachu. James uses his Wheezing to fill the pit with smoke. Ash and Pikachu sit in the pit, and Ash once again wonders how he can do this alone. He thinks back to when he said his farewells to Misty and Brock, and remembers! He reaches into his backpack and pulls out the cloth that Misty gave him. Ash gives it to Pikachu to use as a gas mask. Ash then starts using the fork and knife that Brock gave him to climb out of the pit! Ash now knows that his friends will always be with him. Ash and Pikachu make it to the top, and Pikachu sends Team Rocket blasting off again.

That evening, Ash tells his mother, Professor Oak and Tracy his new plan. He's going to set off on a pokemon journey to the Hoenn region! And he's going to leave all of his pokemon behind - except Pikachu, of course. He's going to start completely fresh! Ash's mother, Professor Oak, and Tracy all understand Ash's desire. Tracy promises to watch over all of Ash's pokemon. Ash's mother presents him with a new set of clothes to wear on his journey. (Yes, after 5 years, Ash is finally going to wear clean clothes.) And Professor Oak gives Ash the newest and latest Pokedex, complete with all info about pokemon in the Hoenn region. Ash decides that his first stop will be the Hoenn region city of Littleroot Town, where he'll meet with Professor Oak's colleague, Professor Birch. Ash resolves to set out in the morning, and we see those words that end every Pokemon episode: "To Be Continued..."

Know what this means? Very shortly, they'll start showing the episodes of Pokemon that I was watching in Japan. Somewhere along the way, Brock rejoins Ash, and they get a new female companion in the form of May, who makes Misty look rather tame. Plus, they're joined by another, a little, besepctacled kid. I never caught his name. These episodes have been airing in the States since November.

Yeah, I'm a geek. Just so we're clear, these are all the season of Pokemon

Season 1: Pokemon
Season 2: Pokemon (in the Orange Islands)
Season 3: Pokemon: The Jhoto Journies
Season 4: Pokemon: Jhoto League Champions
Season 5: Pokemon: Master Quest
Season 6: Pokemon Advance

And there have been six movies, the sixth of which hasn't come to North America yet. Pokemon coverage ain't what it used to be. I wonder if a Pokemon 7 is in the works. Or a seventh season.

Next Issue...Pokemark

My name is Mark Cappis, and I have lost my mind. What's the first symptom?

I have decided to run for the NAIT Student Association Presidency.

I'm still not sure why I want to do this. Maybe because it's just one of those things you do in college. You know, drink too much, experiment with drugs, lots of promiscuious unprotected sex, run for office. I've done all that in college except for the first three.

I'm hoping I'll sober up by Monday. Or, I'll just treat this like a cosmic joke and see how far it goes.

Next Issue...They're Coming To Take Me Away

Reason why I need more money #3728. Another classic sci-fi TV show is coming to DVD. On June 8, be sure to run out and buy...

Quantum Leap: The Complete First Season

An official announcement detailing the bonus materials will be coming in the weeks ahead.

Next Issue...The Leap Home

The morning's movie news:

Batman: Intimidation - After months of rumors, it's finally official. The villain will be played by...LIAM NEESON. Neeson will be playing Batman's immortal arch-enemy Ra's Ahl Guhl. I always pictured Sean Connery, but oh well. Also official is MORGAN FREEMAN as Lucious Fox. Mr. Fox is the CEO of Wayne Enterprises and the guy who really runs the company. This is shaping up to be pretty good, I think.

Elektra - Let's not forget that she's getting her own movie. A director is finally in negotiations. It looks it will be directed by...ROB BOWMAN. Bowman is a veteran director of "The X-Files," and even directed the "X-Files" movie. His last feature was the humans vs. dragons epic "Reign of Fire." The script was written by Zak Penn, and is loosely based on the "The Elektra Saga" and "Elektra: Assasin" graphic novels. Filming is hoped to begin in May.

Next Issue...the Party

And the big movie news of the morning:

Kevin Smith, the maker of my favourite films, will be writing and directing a movie version of The Green Hornet! The movie is being made by Smith's home studio of Miramax. Smith figures he'll have a lot of freedom with than with other comic book adaptations, mainly because instead of being at the hands of committee (like when he wrote Superman Lives), he's now just answering to one guy: Miramax head Harvey Weinstein. Also, as Smith pointed out, a lot of people tend to remember the Green Hornet and his sidekick Kato...and that's all. Ergo, lots of room to reinvent.

They hope to begin filming near the end of the summer. Way back in the late-90s, it was rumored that George Clooney was going to play Brit Reid/The Green Hornet, and Jet Li was going to play his butler/sidekick Kato.

If you've never heard of the Green Hornet, here's what little I know. Bret Reid, billionaire playboy and publisher of a big city newspaper. By night, he dons a green mask and green trenchcoat and goes by the name of the Green Hornet, a shadowy vigillante.

And in a neat twist of "masked avenger" continuity, the Green Hornet's great uncle was...the Lone Ranger! It was the murder of Bret Reid's grandfather that drove John Reid to become the Lone Ranger. In fact, on the original Lone Ranger radio show, the Lone Ranger's search for his orphaned nephew (the Green Hornet's father) was a recurring plot line.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, "The Lone Ranger" and "The Green Hornet" were created by the same guy, and both originally as radio shows way back in the 20s and 30s.

Next Issue...Showtime!

Some late night movie deal news:

Disney has bought the Muppets!

It was announced today by both the Walt Disney and Jim Henson companies that Disney has accquired ownership of The Muppets and The Bear in the Big Blue House. Disney is also purchasing the copyright on all past Muppet products. So, if they're ever going to do a 2-disc special edition DVD of The Muppets Take Manhattan or a boxed set of The Muppet Show: The Complete First Season, Disney will be the one putting it out.

The Jim Henson Company, however, will still retain ownership of most of their other properties, such as the Sesame Street characters, Fraggle Rock, and the sci-fi cult classic Farscape. This deal was just for Kermit and the gang (and the Bear, which is a hit kids show in the US.)

Lisa Henson, Jim Henson's daughter and one of the heads of the Jim Henson Company, pointed out how, before his death in 1990, Jim Henson was close to signing virtually the same deal with the Walt Disney Company, and that Jim Henson thought that Disney would be the perfect home for the Muppets. "This is the realization of my father's dream," said Lisa Henson.

Disney axed their deal with the Jim Henson Company way back in 1990 because, at the time, they didn't want to look like graverobbers. Disney has already announced several TV specials for the Muppets.

And in other news...for the past few weeks, I've always been baffled by this billboard I always drove by on my way home. It featured a chicken with a machine gun. Today, I finally got to read what is printed on this billboard. "If the cows don't get you, I WILL! It's mad to eat any kind of meat. This message brought to you by P.E.T.A."

Next Issue...Harvey Finebeck Will Return!

Gotta write this down before I forget:

"There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who know binary and those who don't."

Next Issue...More Clever Quotes

Happy Family Day! I hope you've enjoyed the most blatantly manufactured holiday of all time.

Here's some Family Day Fun Facts:

- Family Day was invented by former Alberta Premier Don Getty as an excuse to go visit his coke-dealing son who was in prison.
- One of Premier Ralph Klein's big election promises when he was first elected was the abolishment of Family Day. Klein believed it was a blatantly manufactured holiday and that people could better spend their time working on that day and helping get the province out of debt. Klein's been in power for more than 10 years now and he ain't followed through yet.
- School boards in the province of Alberta have long fought for the abolishment of Family Day. Their logic is that teachers always have thier conventions in February, thus giving students a 4-day weekend. Families plan vacations around this 4-day weekend, so students don't really need another long weekend in February.

But enough of my cattiness. I celebrated Family Day by watching my James Bond DVDs. Now, I no longer have to wait for TBS to have their annual James Bond marathon every December. I wonder if they know how many students' lives they've ruined because of those James Bond marathons. Back in Augustana, every December, I always found myself saying something like, "OK, time to start on this paper...what? Octopussy is on? Well...it can wait another two hours."

I remember about a year ago when Die Another Day came out in Japan. Most of my middle-aged female students were swooning over Pierce Brosnan. Of course, I wound up recommending You Only Live Twice to all of them. I mean, James Bond in Japan. I figured they'd get a kick out of it.

I also sent another postcard to Trouble in China. She always says that her students get a real kick out of them. Of course, that makes me wonder what her students think about me. When another postcard comes, do they say to each other, "Dude, he sent another one? Man, he must have it bad."

Oh, and a quick tidbit of movie news. Comic book uber-artist Alex Ross has been commissioned to do some artwork for Spider-Man 2. Ross's artwork will depict scenes from the first film and be used in the opening credits sequence, for a whole "in our last exciting issue..." thing.

Next Issue...Next Issue

As I was walking around town today, I stopped in at the corner store to buy a snack. I really do miss the convenience stores in Japan. I miss looking at a pop cooler and seeing a dozen different kinds of iced tea.

Shortly before I left Japan, I was asked, "What are you going to miss the most, Mark?" I took a deep breath and said, "The convenience stores." She laughed at me and said, "But we've got 7-11 back home!" I said, "Yeah, but you can't buy clean underwear at the stores back home."

I briefly did attempt a sub-series of columns called "What I Like About Japan." Convenience stores was on the list. I only wrote two editions before the catastrophic failure of my laptop. I keep wondering if I should go back and attempt to write the rest of the series; depend on my fading memories.

Tomorrow's the last day of my reading week. I'm hoping I can pump out a couple of columns. At the very least, I should try to finish my column about going to the Studio Ghibli museum. It's a 2-part affair and I've had part I in the bag for 6 months.

Speaking of columns, this week's is posted. It's a fairly mediocre piece called Idol Worship:

"Quick! Name five people you admire in your field. Pretty easy, isn’t it? I ask this question to someone like Mr. Anderson, who wants to write and draw comics, and he can rattle off five names with no problem. But, sadly, it is a task I have great trouble doing in my chosen profession. An upcoming assignment sounded rather simple at the outset. We have to do a profile on a DJ we like. Naturally, this means talking to said DJ. The instructor asked us which DJ we each were going to contact. She didn’t want us all swamping the same one, after all. She went around the table, and each of my classmates proudly yelled out the name of the DJ they were going to talk to with nary a thought. And then she came to me, and I was left struggling to find a name."

As always, please read the whole thing!

Next Issue...Vacation's End

You know, as much as I love Michael Moore, I find the anti-Moore websites to be a lot more fun. Truly, one of the best and most obsessive has to be Moore Watch. Here's what Moore Watch is currently doing.

See, Michael Moore was endorsing a presidential hopeful by the name of Wesley Clark. Moore had a little square on his website saying this and provided a link to the Clark website. Well, Wesley Clark lost a few of the primaries and decided to bow out. Naturally, since his boy wasn't running any more, Moore took down his little endorsement and link to Clark's website.

And Moore Watch is all over this! They love pointing out now how Moore is "backpedalling" and trying to conceal the fact that he was/is backing Wesley Clark. I don't think Moore is trying to cover up anything. I think Moore just realizes the futility in endorsing a man who isn't running anymore.

I tell you, 10% of the time, Moore Watch is good for providing the other side of the story. The other 90%, they're the raving loonies that they claim Michael Moore is.

Next Issue...Bowling for Burgers

Oh, something from the latest ToyFare I forgot to mention. I only mention this because I have a few classmates who obsessivly loved this movie. Get read for...PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN action figures. I saw the movie. It was good, but not 4 nib material.

Speaking of 4 nib material, great shake-ups happening on Pokemon, as the end of the fifth season starts coming to North America. Ash has finally defeated his rival Gary in Pokemon battle. Gary has decided to hang it up and become a researcher like his grandpa, Professor Oak. Having made it to the semi-finals of the Jhoto League Championship before losing out, Ash is now heading home to Pallet Town for a sabbatical. Where is he headed next? Well, there's a lot of hinting towards the Hoenn region, which is where the Pokemon Advance video games take place. And where all the episodes I saw in Japan a year ago took place.

Next Issue...JLA Forever

Boy, did I have a fun and relaxing day off in the city! I finally got out to see Big Fish. Who'd have thunk that Tim Burton could make a sweet movie? It's really two movies going on. We have our modern day tale, which is the son trying to discover the truth behind his father's myths and thus learn the truth about his father. And then, we have the myths themselves. And when we're watching one of the myths, it's classic Tim Burton. Great movie! 3 nibs.

And then, I had to go spend way too much money. Future Shop finally had The Critic: The Complete Series, so I finally bought that. I loved this show way back when it was on!

Hey, have you ever wondered why every crappy TV show that only lasts 6 episodes or so manages to get released on DVD right away? This was explained by a big Hollywood producer in the paper a few weeks ago. You've got your TV show. Say, only 4 million people watch it. That makes your TV show a bomb, so it gets cancelled. Now, release it on DVD, and half the people who watched it on TV buy it on DVD. That's 2 million units! So suddenly, your mega-bomb TV show has become a double-platinum DVD. It's all rather fiendish.

And then, while browsing through HMV, I finally succumbed to my baser desires. Ever since I bought my DVD player, I said that I'd eventually buy some James Bond movies on DVD. I'd limit myself to only my favourite ones of each Bond actor! Well, HMV had the Bond movies on sale, 2 for $30, so I finally bought Goldfinger and The Spy Who Loved Me. Each one truly a classic.

And that reminds me. Exactly how many versions of a film do we need on DVD? I'm talking about things like "director's cuts." Why do they have to go messing with these classic films when they put them on DVD? What's wrong with the original theatrical version? I know, we need some kind of "value added" for the DVD. But, c'mon! My "T2" and "ID4" DVDs allow you to watch either the original theatrical versions or the DVD director's cuts at the push of a button. The technology does exist for us to have our cake and eat it too. So, c'mon!

That reminds me. I still have the morbid curiosity to see the special edition of E.T..

And in all of my excessive spending, I of course bought the latest ToyFare. They have the preview of the next series of Marvel Legends! This is the new smash-hit toy line where we get highly-detailed, super-posable renditions of classic Marvel Comics characters. Here's who's on tap for Series 6:

Wolverine (Brown Costume)
The Punisher (Thomas Jane likeness; Jane, of course, plays the Punisher in the upcoming film)
Phoenix
Cable
Deadpool
Juggernaut

And now I think I'll go to bed

Next Issue...Spring Vacation con't

I was thinking about what I said in my earlier post about Mr. Anderson banging his head against a wall complaining about how I don't get it because I have a Disney page on my website. I mean, he's my best friend, and it's good that he's got strong beliefs and all that, and I really shouldn't make fun of him.

I guess it all goes back to about a year ago. We were having some pretty heated arguments, especially about McDonald's. He'd say, "Any reasonable man who spends 10 minutes reading about McDonald's will never eat there again!" I'd shrug and say, "I spent 20 minutes reading and I still eat there." He'd just get so angry, and something about me just wanted to push it a little bit further. You feel almost a sadistic glee when someone outlines their whole belief system and you just say, "Ehh, whatever. I'll just stay here and keep violating your beliefs."

I really should stop that because, in the end, it just makes me a really crappy friend.

Subject change.

So, I don't know if you've noticed, but Canada Post now sells these things called "Tickelopes." They're evelopes made out of a foam, and in a really silly shape. I spent my day off from school writing a letter to a former student in Japan, and figured I'd get one of these Ticeklopes to mail it off in. After puzzling over the many shapes, I decided that the lobster shaped one had a particular cuteness to it, and that brought back something I'd always wondered.

Do you know if they make lobster sushi? I never saw it at any sushi places, and Japan really isn't in the middle of lobster waters. I'm certain though that a creative chef could make it.

Next Issue...Friends Forever?

Over at my official website, I just dusted off and did a new revision of my list of Disney animated films. And I'm sure Mr. Anderson is once again banging his head against a wall frustrated at how I just don't get it.

And here's some DVD news for my sister. My sister's all-time favourite movie is finally getting the 2-disc super-special edition treatment. On April 20, get ready for A League of Thier Own: Special Edition! This 2-disc set gets you:

- Running commentary with director Penny Marshall and various members of the cast
- 15 cut scenes, each with an introduction by Marshall
- An all new making-of documentary, entitled "Nine Exciting Innings."
- The music video for Madonna's theme song, "This Used to be My Playground"
- And, of course, the trailers

As is one of the newer trends of DVD, it'll be available in both widescreen and full screen versions. April 20!

For those who've never seen it, A League of Their Own follows the exploits of two sisters during World War II, as they're drafted to play in AAGPBL. See, all the baseball players started going to war, so a women's baseball major league was started, the All American Girls Professional Baseball League. Geena Davis and Lori Petty are the sisters and star players of the Rockford Peaches, Madonna plays the field (in both the baseball and sexual innuendo sense), and Tom Hanks steals the show as the washed-up former ball player who's the team manager.

If you want to find out more about the AAGPBL, a documentary about it was made in the late 80s, and it was also called A League of Their Own. In fact, it's the documentary that inspired the movie.

And the movie inspired a really crappy half-hour comedy/drama that only lasted 6 episodes. Who knows? With the way DVD works today, strong sales of A League of Their Own: Special Edition just might lead to A League of Their Own: The Complete Series.

Next Issue...A League of MY Own

Various tidbits on the upcoming "Star Wars" DVDs:

- The films will be the 1997 Special Editions and not the originals.
- Each film will have a new running commentary with George Lucas and others (the others to be decided)
- The bonus material disc will have an all-new, feature-length documentary about the making of the trilogy, and feature all kinds of never-before-seen behind-the-scenes footage
- And althought not confirmed, it's pretty much a given that they'll have special DVD-ROM weblinks, just like the "Episode I & II" DVDs.

More as it develops.

Next Issue...Showtime!

Two big bits of movie and DVD news:

The Star Wars Trilogy - At long last, the trilogy comes to DVD! It'll follow the format of the "Indiana Jones Trilogy," in that it'll be a big boxed set of all three films, with all the bonus material on a fourth disc. What that bonus material will be is still unknown. The big day is September 21.

The Simpsons: The Movie - In a recent interview, "Simpsons" producer Mike Reiss said that a script for a feature length "Simpson" movie has been written! He says summer 2006 is the most likely release date, and that it's like the "South Park" movie, in that it's a "bigger, longer, amplified version of the show."

Next Issue...Blarg

So I'm indulging my inner child. I've spent the past week looking for the most appropriate valentines to give to my classmates. I had it narrowed down to either Hulk valentines or Disney Princesses. To tell the truth, I really wasn't satisfied with either. Hulk seemed a little violent, and as much as I love Disney, giving a Disney princess valentine to one of my big hulking male classmates felt a little...gay. Then, way in the back of the shelf, I found...the Simpsons valentines! Needless to say, everyone was satisfied.

But, since I was in Kingsway Garden Mall, I decided to swing by the Disney store. Now, as much as I love Disney, I've always felt put-off by what they sell in the Disney Stores. Everything seems either too childish or to girly. There's nothing for the 18-35 male Disney fan! Until I was in there today. Now, I've noticed on past few visits that the Disney Stores have their own exclusive line of action figures entitled Disney Adventures. This is where you've got Aladdin, Tarzan, Hercules, and a few others all in their buff, action hero best. Never really bought one for my collection because they really didn't strike me. But then, when I was in there today, I noticed that they had...the Disney Adventure block figures! (For those who don't know, a "block figure" is an action figure done in the style of a Lego man, a Japanese Kubrick, any of those. "Block figure" is the blanket term to describe that style.) You'd get a 3-pack of figures and about a dozen accesories for an interactive play time. I thought, "Now hey, this rocks! This is something for the collection!" Then I saw the $20 price tag, and went, "Eww." Then I saw the sign that said, "75% off," and went "Yay! That's only $5! Perfect!" Then I remembered Mr. Anderson saying, "Disney is a big, evil corporation! If you buy anything from the Disney Store, I'll never speak to you again!" Well, he hasn't said that to me...yet. But he might. You never know.

I love how my best friend has gotten all political in his old age, but sometimes that makes him really fun to mess with:

Him>> McDONALD'S IS A TRULY EVIL CORPORATION! THEY ARE OUT TO RAPE AND PILLAGE THE WORLD ALL IN THE NAME OF THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR!, ALL WHILE SCREWING OVER THEIR EMPLOYEES!

Me>> Does that mean you don't want me to bring you back a Big Mac?

(Subtle thumps as he bangs his head against the wall.)

And before I go to supper, I said this today and one of my classmates figured I should put it on a greeting card: "Once you accept that you're going to crash and burn, your only concern becomes how big a crater you can make."

Next Issue...The Crater

"Weird Al" Yankovic's latest album, Poodle Hat, just won the Grammy for Best Comedy Album.

Thought you'd like to know.

Watching Batman Forever on TV. That movie gets stupider and stupider with each viewing.

But let's get to the latest column! This week's installment: The News is Our Hooker, The Truth is Her Pimp:

"I had just one goal when I went in to the program: be a DJ. But now that I’m in there, I find that there a lot of other options I can go with. If being a DJ doesn’t cut it, I can always be a writer; try to make a living doing this. Of course, production could also be fun. Sitting hunched over a computer all day, piecing together bits of audio and trying to make the perfect spot. There’s promotions, which is getting the word of the station out there. And then, I could sell my soul and go into sales. These are all things I’ve had varying degrees of experience with. So, you can imagine my surprise as I’ve now been told that my personality is best suited for the most complex and, I think most trying part of the radio station: news. "

As always, Clickie clickie to read it all!

I guess I should spent a little more time studying for my quiz tomorrow, but it's kind of hard to focus when I caught the instructor basing the quiz on a report I wrote.

Next Issue...the Long Sleep

What happened to my presence? Did I ever have it? Mr. Anderson says that a good DJ should have presence, like all good entertainers. But, he says that when he listened to my show back on Wednesday, presence was lacking. So now I'm wondering, did I ever have it?

I always flashback to an observation Mr. Anderson made when I was in university. He joined me for dinner in the cafeteria one night, and we sat with my "on campus friends." He said that, although I didn't speak much, when I did speak, I spoke a little louder than I normally do, and commanded the attention of the whole table. That's presence, right?

I think I had it in Japan; when I'd walk into my classroom, and the hushed silence would fall upon the class and all eyes were on me. That's presence, right? But then, it was easier to have presence when a strapping white pseudo-farm-boy like myself enters a room of bored, lonely Japanese housewives.

So how can I get my presence back?

Subject change.

Caught a bit of Batman Returns tonight. You know they're making a new Batman film, right? They're ignoring the last spate of Batfilms and taking it back to the beginning. This film is going to be a whole origin story thing, heavily influenced by Batman: Year One. We're going to SEE Bruce Wayne on his infamous world tour, training to be the Bat. We're going to SEE Bruce Wayne, in the cave, hunched over a grindstone, making the first batarangs. We're going to SEE an experimental, prototype vehicle being tested at Wayne Enterprises which is mysteriously stolen, only to reappear as the Batmobile. I'm really starting to look forward to this.

Christian Bale is Batman/Bruce Wayne. Christopher Nolan (Memento, Insomnia) is directing. David S. Goyer (the Blade films) is writing. Filming begins in April. Batman: Intimidation Game will come out Summer 2005.

Next Issue...JLA Returns

Let's try a brilliant idea. Every time I think of something to say on the show, I'll write it here! Then, before the show, all I have to do is print this blog! Genius!

The new Superman movie - What the...? Beyonce Knowles as Lois Lane? Johnny Depp as Lex Luthor? Say it ain't so!

- Marvel Comics just signed a big development deal with EA games. EA will produce a "Marvel Heroes vs. EA Heroes" video game, and Marvel will produce comics based on the EA Heroes.

And can you believe it? I swung by Toys R Us today, and Spider-Man 2 action figures are already on the shelves.

Next Issue...Next Show

I've got to write this down before I forget (or forget to mention it on the show next week.)

Disney has finally announced that the 2-disc super-special edition of Aladdin is coming out this October. A complete list of bonus features has yet to be announced, but Disney has already mentioned that, thanks to the higher picture quality of DVDs, 20% of the film has been "enhanced." That means using computer to punch up the colours in some scenes, and completely re-animating sequences in other cases.

And, as I talk about this on next week's show, I should also bitch about how Disney changed their DVD policy. Way back when DVD first started, Disney had this simple yet brilliant strategy. They would release 2 editions of all their animated films. There would be the "family friendly" edition. This edition would have the film, and for bonus features you'd get similarily-themed animated shorts from the Disney archives, and maybe a game or two. Then, for the hardcore animation geeks (like myself) they'd release the 2-disc special edition. That edition would have all of your "behind the scenes" featurettes, storyboards, directors running commentary, and such forth.

But, things have changed. Now, Disney only release one edition, and we're finding more and more that the "special edition" stuff is being pushed out in favour of more "family friendly" stuff. I mean, who really wants to look at storyboards when you could play another lame-ass trivia game?

So, remind me to talk about this all on next week's show!

Next Issue...Blawp

Completely Shocking Movie News:

So, a year ago, Frank Darabont, the maker of such fine films as The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, and The Majestic was commissioned by George Lucas to write the script for Indiana Jones 4. Steven Spielberg and Harrison Ford both said, "Great choice!" The geeks of the world said "Great Choice!" because Darabont got his start writing The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles TV show. There was no one better to write the script.

Here we are, one year later, and after toiling endlessly, Darabont finally turned in the finished script to George Lucas. Darabont said, "It's in God's hands now, or rather George's and Steven's."

Today, it was revelaed that George Lucas took one look at Darabont's screenplay and said, "This SUCKS!"

Darabont's script has been scrapped and Indiana Jones 4 is starting all over from scratch. It is now highly doubtful that Indy 4 will come out in Summer 2005 as originally hoped.

Darabont has gone back to what he was doing before he was working on Indy: a new film version of Farenheight 451.

Next Issue...All Hopes on Episode III

I won a scholarship today, and I really don't care.

I don't know how much it's for.

I don't know when and where I've got to be to claim it.

All I know is when I went to NAIT I said to myself I wasn't going to play this game again.

Next Issue...No Escape

Oh, happy day!

Trouble sent me an article this morning. 4Kids Entertainment, the same folks who imported Pokemon, are going to be importing my all-time favourite anime that I watched every morning in Japan! We are talking about the TV program whose closing theme I have adopted as the closing them for Chaos in a Box. Yes, it's the one, the only, Tokyo Mew Mew!

Of course, some changes are being made to make it more palitable to North American audiences, like re-naming it Hollywood Mew Mew. That seems rather...pointless. Oh, well. It will be premiering on the Fox Network later this year; I'm speculating as part of the Fall Saturday Morning Line-Up. Here's hoping it becomes as popular as Sailor Moon, so I can buy a boxed set of the complete, uncut series someday.

Next Issue...Anglais!

And now, the latest exciting installment of Chaos in Print! Tonight's episode, The Final Frontier:

I still want to travel into space. Is that a childish dream? I guess this all really started in the eighth grade. That’s when the Canadian Space Agency ran an ad in every major newspaper in the country, announcing that they were looking for new astronauts. I mean, how cool is that? There it was, a classified ad: “Wanted: astronauts. Send resume to….” As an impressionable 13-year old who was deep into Star Trek, I was inspired. But I was in junior high. I grew up, no more ads were run, and I saw there was more to Earth than what lay above. But the dream still kind of lingers.

Tune in for more exciting action!

Next Issue...Slightly Less Action

AEON has cursed me.

In script readings, one of the primary criticisms I get is I over-enunciate. But it's just good classroom English!

And, oh happy day! It's finally official: Pixar is dumping Disney! In a press release released today, Pixar CEO Steve Jobs said that contract re-negotiations between Pixar and Disney fell through, and that Pixar is now actively looking for a new distributor. The final Disney/Pixar collaberation will be Cars, set for release in 2005.

But, that's not all. Disney will retain the sequel rights and copyrights to all Disney/Pixar co-productions. That means Disney could pump out Finding Nemo 2 or Toy Story 3 without Pixar involvement.

Next Issue...I Can't Believe You Talked Them into Making A Bug's Life 2!

And today's name for my on-air shift was..."Remy LeBeau." You know...Gambit?

More movie news!

Cars - Pixar is all excited that none other than Paul Newman is going to be doing a voice in their next film! "Cars," written and directed by "Toy Story's" John Lassetter, is on track to come out in 2005. Newman will voice a race car. Also in the voice cast are Bonnie Hunt, Owen Wilson, and racing star Richard Petty.

Meet the Parents 2 - Ben Stiller is on record as saying he wants Barbera Streisand to play his mother. Streisand is reading the script

Next issue...Light the lights

I should jot down some of these brilliant bits of movie news so I don't forget to read them on tomorrow's show:

Shrek 3 - #2 doesn't come out until this May, but work has begun on #3! This time, look for Shrek to razzle the Knights of the Round Table.

Meet the Parents 2 - Work is finally beginning on a sequel to the hit Ben Stiller/Robert de Nero comedy. Stiller's father will be played by...Dustin Hoffman.

DVD News:

I do so love Kevin Smith:

An Evening with Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder - The first "Evening" DVD, featuring highlights from Smith's college Q&A sessions, was such a hit that another one is in the works! This time, footage from Smith's panels at comic book conventions will be included.

Clerks X - A 10th Anniversary edition of "Clerks!" Among the bonus features will be Smith's comic book "Clerks: The Lost Scene" brought to animated life.

And the Oscar nominations have been announced! Here's the nominees in my new favourite category, Best Animated Film:

Brother Bear
Finding Nemo
The Triplets of Bellville

Now, I know what you're thinking: "What's this Triplets movie?" I've read very little about it. It's a French film, about a grandmother whose grandaughter is kidnapped during the Tour de France. So, the grandmother teams up with the titular triplets (an old song-and-dance team) to rescue her grandaughter. The first and only review I read of it said it's a French knock-off of "Spirited Away." More as it develops.

Next Issue...Twilight

Latest column, folks! This week's offering is called New and Improved:

"I’m living at home with my parents. I own a DVD player, and have a modest DVD collection. There are many nights when there isn’t anything good on TV and I’ll throw one of my discs into the player. And that always leads to my father’s heavy sighing and constant complaint: “Are you watching this again?” Mr. Anderson recently visited me, and we watched An Evening With Kevin Smith, throughout which my father heavily sighed and my mother begged us to let her watch something on TV. When I returned Mr. Anderson home, he said to me, “Boy, your parents really don’t like Kevin Smith, do they?” Well, it’s not Kevin Smith they don’t like. It’s DVDs. Thanks to me, they had to watch An Evening With Kevin Smith a third time! My parents would much rather watch the newest episode of Law & Order: Bylaw Enforcement Unit than be subjected to the greatest movie ever made…again. Seeing a movie twice is one too many times for them. When it comes to entertainment, “new” is the only thing they’ll tolerate."

Read it all!

I'm now officially loathing small town life again.

See, I'm sure you all remember the saga of my Godzilla poster, which I woefully forgot in Japan. Well, I've resolved to send them the remaining 1000 yen to cover the rest of my bills, and then they can take my poster and go f--k themselves.

But this means I need a money order for 1000 yen.

Small town post office can't do it because they don't have the exchange rates. Small town bank can't do it because the only foreign currency they deal in is US dollars. Bank even said, "You have to go to a bigger financial instituion."

That's one thing I hate about the bank in Entwistle. They are a clique. Everything you ask them to do is a hassle. "Can I withdraw some money?" *irritated sigh* "Go to the ATM outside for that." "The ATM machine ate my card. Can I get a new one?" *irritated sigh* "I guess." "I'd like to make a payment on my loan." *irritated sigh* "Can't you do that at our website?"

So, I guess this'll have to wait until Monday and maybe I can get it done in Edmonton. The only thing that pisses me off is that I said to Kumagaya, "I'll have this done on Saturday!" little realizing that something as simple as a money order was beyond the grasp of Entwistle's institutions.

You know, maybe that was my problem. I kept saying, "I need a money order for 1000 yen." They must have instantly thought it would be a gigantic amount of money. I checked the exchange rates before I left. Maybe things would have been different if I said, "I need a money order for $12."

And I'm reflecting on the week just ended. I missed the RTA faculty's big drunk-up/hazing ritual known as "Meet the First," in which everyone gets together to see how drunk they can get the new students. I was told I was missed, but I doubt it. I'm not the kind of person who's missed....

Right now, though, I'm thinking about my next assignment for Production. It's time to start working on our voicing technique. and we have to bring in some kind of story that can be read in about 2 minutes, and it must have at least one "narrator" voice and one "character" voice. Instructor said that children's stories work best for this. So, I'm debating right now:

Do I dig out my old copy of Politically Correct Fairy Tales? Surely I must have one in there that's 2 minutes long. Or the other one I'm thinking of is the opening chapter of Good Omens. You know, where Crowly and Azeriphale are sitting at the gates to Garden of Eden trying to figure out what went wrong. Both would be good.

Next Issue...Spike Witwicky Stikes!

Well, I just finished my assignment for journalism. I had to write 5 leads; the first sentence in a news story. I don't know about mine, they just don't seem witty enough.

And my first time doing remotes could have gone better. The equipment room wasn't unlocked until the last minute, so I got started a half-hour late. I had no idea what to talk about, so I just winged it.

And I wonder how many people got the joke when I decided to start using the radio name "Spike Witwicky."

Next Issue...The New Markworld Order

Right now, I'm in the same mindset as I was at the dawn of my first semester, which is essentially: "Oh my God. Everyone is so much younger and better than me. I'm going to be a collosal failure at this. I may as well just quit, but that'll just embarass too many friends and family, so I'll just plug along until I flunk out." So it's reallly upsetting when I pass everything.

This all kind of stemmed from an assignment we had to do today. We had to transcribe a newscast and read it to the class. This is taught by two instructors. One, the male, I don't think has ever said a nice thing to me about my voicing. His complaint today was that I have too much energy for reading the news. I have to tone it down a little. That, and because of the energy, I don't emote enough. He does have a point. It is kind of bad to sound perky when you're reading a news story about child molestation.

I can't help it, though. Because I have been a natural ham most of my life (and made good money doing it in Japan), I have a lot of energy when you turn on that microphone or get me in front of a crowd.

Still don't understand where the other instructor, the female, keeps saying I'll do good in news. I think that stems from the fact that my university arch-enemy, Brad Goertz, beat into my head how journalism should present a balanced picture. In the little intros to journalism I've done so far, I tend to harp on that quite a bit. Yeah, Brad and I had our differences, but he actually taught me quite a bit.

And now tomorrow, I have to be at NAIT to do my first official on-air shift on the student radio station. That, to be honest, is scaring the shit out of me. I'll be doing remotes, meaning I set up in the school's lobby, and at every commercial break, they cut to me and give a one minute spiel on some upcoming campus event. You've all heard them on real radio stations: "Hi, this is Jimmy Crane, and I'm down at Frankie Ford where they're having the push, pull and drag it in sale...."

Now, why is this scaring me? Mainly because they haven't taught us how to do it yet, and I really don't know what campus events to talk about, so I'll just be winging it. I've kind of accepted the fact that, because I don't know anything and this is my first time, this is going to completely suck. Once I embrace that, I can have fun with that.

Kind of like when they didn't renew my contract in Japan. On one side, I felt completely liberated. To know that I no longer had to be prim and proper in all my classes made me cut loose a lot more and my classes became a lot more fun.

Once you accept that it's all coming to a screaming halt, you don't care. And when you don't care, you're free to have fun with it.

Next Issue...The End Is Near

And now, the latest edition in "Things I've said that my best friend thinks is funny."

The set-up: So, I get this ICQ message from a beautiful young woman I haven't heard from in a long time. And right away, she launches into sex talk. I'm a little taken aback, but I go along with it, in my somewhat innocent/dumbfounded way.

The bombshell: Turns out it's not the beautiful young woman! It's my best friend Mr. Anderson, who's visiting the beautiful young woman, manning her computer, and messing my mind. Naturally, I reacted by saying something funny

What I said that he thought was so funny: "Dude, it's like I just lived a Cole's Notes version of The Crying Game."

Next Issue...Vengeance!

Well, I had another one of those Sundays. I got absolutly no work done. True, I have no homework due until Tuesday, but I was hoping I would get it all done today. But I refuse to feel guilty! It was Sunday, darn it!

Instead, I did some wacky downloading. We've all seen the Spirit Mars probe on the news, right? You know how they're always showing that nifty NASA animation showing what the landing would have most likely looked like? Well, at the NASA website, I found that animation, complete, uncut, and with no newscaster narration. I downloaded it and I've been watching it over and over. I'm just amazed at how this multimillion dollar probe was bouncing across the Martian surface like some gigantic beach ball. Plus, it is some of the most beautiful computer animation I've ever seen!

Anyway, as always, latest column is up! this week's is The Old Apartment, and here's a clip:

"When I first came home from Japan, one of the things that struck me as odd was the fact that nothing had changed about Entwistle. Everything was right where it was supposed to be, looking as old and dilapidated as ever. There’s just something unusual about revisiting a place that you haven’t been to in ages. Seeing what’s the same; what’s different. I already have a rough plan to go back to Kumagaya in 20 or 30 years, just so I can walk around in a shell-shocked state murmuring, “I had a life here.” I’m sure it would feel similar to my recent return to my original university, Augustana University College."

As always, here's the place to read it all.

next issue...The Wrath of Cowell

OK, folks, so I'm going to summarize another episode of the new He-Man cartoon. If there's one thing I love about it, it's that it goes into a lot of "origin of..." episodes and back stories for characters. I was always curious about that kind of stuff, but they never went into it. And today's was a great "origin of...."

The Power of Greyskull - Prince Adam awakens from a strange dream. In it, there were the Snake Men, and they were defeated by this third evil warlord, and then a guy who looked kind of like He-Man but wasn't was there, and the third warlord defeated him, and the He-Man looking guy lost the Power Sword down into Castle Greyskull's moat. While trying to figure this out, Adam gets a telepathic call from the Sorceress. She sensed a disturbance in the force, so Adam was to come to Greyskull.

At Castle Greyskull, Adam tells the Sorceress of his dream, and the Sorceress figures that it's connected to the disturbance that she felt. In order to figure it out, they decide to delve into the past of Eternia. They entered into a secret chamber of Castle Greyskull, and there Adam saw a giant statue of the He-Man-looking guy. The Sorceress revealed that that man was King Greyskull; the man whom Castle Greyskull was named after. And, upon study of the tapestries, we learn that the third warlord was the one, the only...HORDAK!

We flashback to the time of King Greyskull. He is worried. He knows that Hordak is amassing his forces, and a large, final battle is coming between him and Hordak. Greyskull laments that he needs more power to defeat Hordak. Greyskull's wife, the sorceress Veena, suggests that Greyskull seek out the Oracle to find this great power. Greyskull mounts up on his Battle Lion, and heads out for the Oracle.

Meanwhile, back in the present, Skeletor receives a telepathic message from Hordak. Turns out Skeletor owes Hordak a favour, and now Hordak wants to collect. Skeletor's task is to go to Hordak's Shrine and release Hordak, or else Hordak will kill Skeletor. Skeletor takes off for the shrine like a bat out of hell.

Meanwhile, back in the past, King Greyskull has found the Oracle, and we are all stunned to see that the Oracle is a Trollan. (That's Orko's people.) The Oracle tells Greyskull that, to get the great power, he must go on a quest. The usual "slay a dragon, conquer a maze, 40 days and 40 nights in the desert" kind of quest. Greyskull finally gets to the cave where the great power resides and in the cave he finds...the Oracle! The Orcale gives Greyskull a box and inside is Greyskull's sword, thought lost in his first skirmish with Hordak. The Oracle explains that the power resided in Greyskull the whole time. Satisfied with this, Greyskull turns to leave, but the Oracle reveals one last piece of info: Greyskull will not survive the battle with Hordak.

Greyskull returns to his castle (yup, Castle Greyskull) just in time to see the troops massing. It tried its best to look straight out of The Lord of the Rings. We saw Hordak flanked by his generals Grizzlor, Leech, and Mantenna. (and it was great seeing them updated for the new millenium!) King Greyskull steeled himself, and then launched into battle. He battled through Hordak's army, swiftly defeated Grizzlor, Leech, and Mantenna. Hordak commented that Greyskull's power was indeed great, but Hordak then threw Greyskull several thousand yards just with a wink of his eye. Hordak then opened up a portal to the Dark Dimension, with the intent of sucking Greyskull into it. But Greyskull would not give up! As the Dark Dimension portal began to grow, Greyskull started crackling with more and more power! He finally bellowed out, "I HAVE THE POWER!" as lightening was thrown from his sword and struck the portal. Now, Hordak and his troops were all sucked into the Dark Dimension! Hordak and his forces were gone...but the exertion was too much for Greyskull. He collapsed.

Dying in his wife's arm, Greyskull revealed something else the Oracle told him. (Cue Matrix theme.) Greyskull revealed that one day, when evil rises again, a chosen one will rise and use his power to defend Eternia. And then, Greyskull died, his body turning into a glowing ball of power. The Power touched all the members of Greyskull's court, turning them into the Council of Elders. (those who ruled Eternia before King Randor.) The Power then took up residence in Greyskull's sword. Veena picked up the sword, and swore that she would defend it until the one arises. And if she dies before the one arises, then she will find another to take her place. And thus, Veena was the first to bear the mantle of Sorceress of Greyskull.

Back in the present, Prince Adam realizes that it is the Power of King Greyskull that flows through him. And that the dream was a warning. Skeletor seeks to free Hordak from the Dark Dimension. He-Man sprints of to Hordak's shrine....

At the Shrine, He-Man heads of Skeletor. He-Man says that if the Shrine is destroyed, Hordak can never be freed. Skeletor agrees, and promptly destroys the Shrine. Skeletor leaves, and He-Man is confused. "It's as though he doesn't want to free Hordak," He-Man laments. And, Evil-Lyn watched this whole proceeding, and was intrigued....

Cool. Now that we had Hordak, the question is as it always was: where's She-Ra?

Next Issue...The Return of the Horde

Well, the first week is just about finished. This new semester is going to prove...difficult, mainly because of an 8 am class on Thursday and, once every two weeks or so, I've got to do a 7:30 am shift on the radio station. That makes little sense to me because no one is here at 7:30. Oh, well. I'll beg and plead with my classmates if anyone wants to switch, but it may prove difficult. I've already asked around to some people and the responses range from, "Well, Mark, I live on the south side and my bus trip is about as long as you drive" to "Dude, I am soooooooooo hung over in the mornings." My first one is next Wednesday.

Oh, and I've got a new timeslot for my show! Wednesday afternoons at 3:30. I'm the lead in to NR92's long-running and popular football show. I'm the perfect lead-in. Nothing says "football" like the music of Hikaru Utada! There's some new guidlines instituded this semester for private shows, too. In my one hour show, I must run at least one commercial. And I must produce spots and spliters. Since I'm learning production, I'm hoping I can make most of this myself. I'll update the site and send out a spam on the subject this weekend.

But, for this first week, I've got nothing to do until 10am on this sunny Friday morning, so I'm here in the computer commons watching trailers! One that I've been waiting for has just gone online:

Van Helsing - Anyone read Dracula? In that film, Van Helsing was the vampire slayer who was dedicated to hunting down Dracula. Well, you just knew someone would have the brains to take this and turn Van Helsing into an action hero! In this film, Hugh Jackman (Wolverine to geeks like me) plays Van Helsing, hired by the church to do some monster-slaying. He goes trekking through Transylvania hunting down Dracula, and along the way, he also does battle the Wolfman and Frankenstein's monster. It's from the same guy who made The Mummy films, and seems to be in the same mold. Looks pretty good. May 7!

And, just for the heck of it, I also watched the trailer for Adam Sandler's latest comedy:

50 First Dates - Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore reunite for another romantic comedy. This time, Drew suffers from short-term memory loss, so she always forgets that she's dating Adam. Hence, Adam does all kinds of things to try and get Drew to remember him. That's right, it's Memento: The Romantic Comedy! It's got some laughs....

And it's time for class.

Next Issue...Radio Star

I got a suprise in the mail today. I got a postcard from Akiko. I know, I knew a lot of Akikos. But this is the one who was my tour guide in Nara! (If you don't remember, go back and read my column How To Acheive Enlightenment and Impress Girls) I'm completly baffled as to how I got it, mainly because I don't remember giving her my address. I dug through my shoebox of Japan mementos and found her card. I should e-mail her and tell her I got it.

Anyway, had my first day of the second semester today. It was little more than a 10-minute session of, "Here's your schedule. Any questions?" Thursdays are going to be rough because I have an 8am class. Wednesdays and Fridays are going to be even rougher because the possibility exists that I'll have to be there at 7:30am. I'm frustrated at this situation, angry at the situation, and once again consumed with fear and self-doubt as to why I'm doing this.

So, I find it helps to clear my head if I focus on a goal. The goal right now is getting the show going ASAP. I'll have to pick a new timeslot because my new schedule has me working from 9 to 4 just about every day. The only exception right now is Thursdays, which will be from 8 to 4. Since I'll have to drive in on Thursdays, I'm thinking about politey begging from a timeslot early Thursday evenings.

Oh, well. Justice League is on.

Today's trivia tidbit: Disney put up 10% of the cash for Spirited Away.

Next Issue...The Ending Sleep

Last day of the Christmas break, and I celebrated by going to see Kill Bill. What did I think of the fourth film from Quentin Tarrintino? Well, there are very few movies where, five minutes into it, I say to myself, "I'M GOING TO LOVE THIS MOVIE!" Kill Bill Vol. 1 is one of those few. What moment made me say that to myself? Well, it opens with these words on the screen:

"Revenge is a dish best served cold." - Old Klingon Proverb

Yes. Any movie that starts with a Klingon quote is instantly a classic in my eyes.

Anyway, latest column's up! This week's offering is called Troublemaker:

"So now that I’m a university graduate and I have four years of experience in the world behind me, you can imagine how relaxed I am this time through school. My heart rate no longer jumps when midterm exams came around. If I find an assignment is a few words short of the required amount, I no longer care. That’s not to say I’m completely apathetic. I still study. I still do my research. I still get my assignments in on time. I simply no longer see the point in fearing everything.

But without fear to motivate me, I find I can become quite the troublemaker. No fear for my grades means I have more confidence in voicing my concerns over how a class is taught. If I think the instructor’s lesson contradicts something I’ve now seen or done in the real world, I’m more inclined to get up and say, “Hey! I think you’re wrong.” The most glaring example of this had to be my computer course."

Read the whole thing! I dare ya!

Next Issue...Back to School

*sigh* And here I was so hoping to go into Edmonton today and finally see Kill Bill. Why didn't I go? Two words: freezing rain. Really didn't feel like braving the ice-coated highways.

I really miss Kumagaya in that I was just 5 blocks from the movie theater and could go see a movie whenever I wanted. But that's not a "missing Japan" thing. That's a "missing living in a city" thing. And, to some extent, a "missing having a steady stream of income" thing.

So, instead, I fired up the DVD player and finally watched my latest DVD acquisition, Castle in the Sky. This is another classic from Hayo Miyazaki. It came out in Japan in 1986, but in North America in May. It was supposed to come out in 1999, but fate and Disney Studio politics conspired against it. The first time I saw it was almost a year ago. I came home from work one night and BOOM! It was on TV.

Anyway, the North American dub is pretty good. If I have one complaint, it's choosing Anna "Rouge" Paquin to voice the heroine, Sheeta. In case you didn't know, Anna Paquin is a New Zealander. And, in Castle in the Sky, her voice wavers between a fake American accent and her native Kiwi accent. About halfway through the film she decides to stick with the Kiwi. It's a little annoying, but you get used to it.

The New Zealand accent isn't annoying, it's the wavering between the two. Figure I should clarify in case any Kiwis are reading. On the contary, I think a New Zealand accent is very sexy. What can I say? Back in high school, we had a New Zealand exchange student one year and she was damn sexy. So now I'm just convinced that all women from that part of the world are goergeous.

Here's hoping I can make it to Kill Bill tomorrow. What better way to end the winter break?

Next Issue...Porco Rosso Next!

Well, I took Mr. Anderson home to Kingman today. We had a good time, as always. He beat me 2 out of 3 at Star Wars Trivial Pursuit. I think I may have disappointed him a bit, though.

He brought with him his vast collection of Neon Genesis Evangelion and Revolution Girl Utena. These are 2 anime programs that he's just in love with. I watched the first two episodes of NGE and failed to be impressed. We never even got around to Utena. It's difficult to explain. I'm just kind of burned out by anime. Spending an afternoon watching all 26 episodes of another program about chosen ones in giant robots or sorcerrers with magic powers or immature schoolgirls who learn to grow up when they get superpowers from a cute talking animal and must save the universe. I did that in university. I'm a grown up now.

Speaking of university, when I took Mr. Anderson home I took a little side trip to Camrose and checked out my old haunt Augustana. Ran into a few old classmates who are working there now and got some inside skinny on the whole U of A merger. Their plans for reconstruction...wow. In 2 years it's going to be a whole new school.

Next Issue...Revolution Boy Makrus!

I've been watching a lot of cop shows lately. I'm starting to notice that each one has...signature dialogue to it. The first one I noticed was on the CSI shows. They're signature dialogue tends to be a cryptic statement made right before commercial. For example..."This looks like a case...OF MURDER." This has become my new thing around the house. I make cryptic statments before I leave the room. "It feels like we've got a case of...THE MUNCHIES." "I need to use...THE BATHROOM." I tell ya, my folks thought it was funny the first two times. Now they're just annoyed.

And then, the Law & Order shows. Their bit has been well-known for some time. Cop makes a bad sarcastic one-liner about the dead body before opening credits roll.

Anyway, tomorrow's going to be a crazy fun day. Mr. Anderson is back in the province, and we had a rough plan to go see Lord of the Rings: Return of the King before he goes back to Vancouver to live in his girlfriend's father's basement. He's down near the Camrose area, so tomorrow, I'm going to drive down to Camrose (2 hours), pick him up, we'll head into Edmonton to see ROTK (1 hour drive, 3.5 hour movie), and then I bring home to Entwistle (1 hour). And then, we spend Wednesday and most of Thursday watching all the Hollywood greats that I love but he's starting to view as "mediocre." Then Thursday, I either take him back to Camrose or dump him off in Edmonton. He's still waiting to hear back from his Edmonton contact....

I tell ya, what I do just to spend a few fleeting hours with my best friend. But hey, it's been a year since I've seen him. I want to see him. Even if it is just a few fleeting hours.

Next Issue...The Ties That Bind

I had some delightfully witty ramblings, but I've forgotten them all. Oh, well. Latest column's up! Sorry, but it's a lame on this week: An Episode Guide to Shadow Raiders:

"Now, Shadow Raiders was one of the greatest cartoons ever made. It was produced by Canada’s own Mainframe Entertainment, the same folks behind ReBoot, Beast Wars: Transformers, and the new computer animated Spider-Man. Shadow Raiders was loosely based on the War Planets toys. Did you remember War Planets? Giant war machines the size of planets with all kinds of gizmos and weapons for destroying each other. Shadow Raiders told the tale of the people who lived on those planets and the lives that such an existence would lead to."

Read about all exciting 26 episodes!

Next Issue...Behold the Beast

I just finished paying my post-Christmas bills. We're into panic mode, folks. Must find job.

In other news of self-pity, I've always been curious about the film Howard the Duck. It was the late film last night, I taped it, and I'm watching it now. I'm only half an hour into it, but I was going, "Oh, my God, this is bad" 29 minutes ago.

Today's random observation. We all know the propensity of North American animators to slip references to their past films in the current projects. For example, in Finding Nemo, you can clearly see a Buzz Lightyear action figure on the floor of the dentist's office. So, while watching Spirited Away, I said to myself, "Ya know, if this were made by a North American studio, you just know that Totoro and some of the gods from Princess Mononoke would be among the spirits at the bath house.

Next Issue...My Bath Time

Oh, I just love modern technology. I got Ad-aware to clean some of the spyware off my computer. When all the spyware was gone, I loaded up Kazaa to go MP3 hunting, and do you know what happened? I got an error message saying, "A spyware removal program has recently run, and must have "accidentally" deleted some files neccessary for Kazaa to load ads. You need to reinstall Kazaa. If you do not want ads, please pay $29.95 to get the complete version!" So do I reload Kazaa? It can wait, I think.

Other than that, nothing to report.

Next Issue...Something to Write Home About

Well, here it is. January 1, 2004. One year ago, I was hanging out with Mr. Anderson at a Japanese shrine, ringing in the new year in a traditional Japanese style: praying for luck and fortune in the new year. While at the shrine, Mr. Anderson made my buy a fortune. He said it's the whole point of going to a shrine. Naturally, it was a little slip of paper in Japanese, so I had no idea what it said. I slipped it in my pocket, but Mr. Anderson gave me this warning. If it was a fortune for bad luck, then it had to be left behind at the shrine, or the bad luck would follow me. If it was for good luck, then leaving it behind was optional. I just slipped it in my pocket and kind of forgot about it. In the year that followed:

- I lost my job in Japan.
- I'm still fighting with my former place of employment in Japan over a poster I left behind.
- I'm once again living in my parents' basement.
- I'm running out of money.
- I'm still a virgin.

I guess we can safely assume it was bad luck. I knew that night I should have left it behind, just to be safe....

Anyway, my Mom borrowed Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl from one of her coworkers. I must admit, it was a pretty good movie. It brought back fond memories of riding the ride at Tokyo Disneyland.

I actually thought I was going to be sick when I rode Pirates of the Carribean. See, we got to Tokyo Disneyland right when it opened at 9am. In order to do so, it meant getting up at 6 to catch the train at 6:30. In all that time, I didn't have any breakfast. So, it was 10 am. We just got off our first ride, the Jungle Cruise, and some of us sat down to take a break. I decided it was time to finally have breakfast. I bought an (overpriced) sandwich from a Disney concession, and as I sat down to eat, some of the people I was with said, "OK, while everyone who wants to rest rests, we're going to go on Pirates of the Carribean." Now, it was my goal to ride all of Disneyland's famous cheesy rides, of which Pirates of the Carribean tops the list. So I said, "But I want to go too!" But I couldn't go on the ride while eating my sandwich. What was I to do?

Well, it was the first time since before I had teeth that I ate without chewing. I stuffed that whole sandwich into my mouth and swallowed it in one gulp. How I didn't get sick on Pirates (or on the next ride, Big Thunder Mountain) without throwing up, I'll never know.

Ever since I got home, I've been debating as to whether I want to write a column about my trip to Tokyo Disneyland. I don't really think there's a whole column in there. It was cheezy! Now, goint to the Studio Ghibli Museum, that warrants a column.

Next Issue...And All That That Implies