Gonna make this quick cuz I gotta Monthly Spam to send out. Latest column's up! How to Make the Workplace a Better Place:

"I'm sure most of the people reading this have spent their time in minimum wage hell. If not, then I'm sure you've had to work some other job that you equally hate. My time in minimum wage hell, as I'm sure you all know, was spent at Extra Foods, and while there, I started thinking of ways that things could be made better for the employees. One of my brilliant ideas had to do with reprimands."

Read it all!

Next Issue...Requiem for a Scarecrow

I felt like watching a DVD, so I watched Fight Club again. That DVD is the one thing I've loaned for the longest in my life. About 2.5 years ago now was when I bought my DVD player. I wanted to show it off to someone, so I invited Yves up to Entwistle for a weekend. She brought along her Fight Club DVD. Now, she didn't own a DVD player. She bought it and always watched it on Mr. Anderson's roommate's DVD player. But, at this point in my history, Mr. Anderson was in Nova Scotia learning how to parles francais, and Yves now had no access to a DVD player. So, we watched it on my brand new DVD player and dubbed it onto VHS for her. When Sunday came and she was packing up to go home, she left Fight Club behind. "Since I don't have a DVD player, and you do, you may as well hang onto it," was her reasoning. She and Mr. Anderson will be coming home from Japan in about 2 weeks or so, and since DVD players have become really cheap, you just know that they'll dip into their savings, buy themselves a DVD player, and then it will be time to give Fight Club back. "I am Jack's broken heart."

Oh, well. Watching it again, I began to notice similarities between that film's trio of heroes and the trio of heroes in my all-time favourtie book, 1984. Our nameless narrator is a lot like Winston Smith, in that they're just cogs in the machinery of society, know that there's something wrong with the way society works, but not sure as to how to start changing things. When they realize it's time to change things, they reach out to a false saviour: nameless guy to Tyler Durden, and Winston to O'Brien. And, both our heroes find ultimate salvation in a woman: Marla/Julia. The big difference is that Winston Smith finds salvation quite early, and his false saviour wound up destroying his salvation and beating him back into society. Hmm. I guess Fight Club really does have a happy ending.

I see the movie version of 1984 is finally on DVD. Hopefully, I'll get it for Christmas so when Mr. Anderson comes over for holiday cheer, I can force him to watch it and maybe he'll see the same parallels. The book is still better than the movie, but the movie is about as perfect an adaptation as you could hope for.

But let's talk of happy things! Let's do something I haven't done here in a while: summarize the latest episode of the new He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. Actually, the new name for the second season is Masters of the Universe vs. the Snake Men. Today's episode....

The Price of Deceit - We open at the ruins of the Hall of Elders. The Snake Men Tounge Lasher and Sssqueeze are looking for a tablet for their master, King Hiss.

We then go to to Evil-Lynn, running for her life. She betrayed Skeletor to the Snake Men, and now Skeletor is out for revenge. Evil-Lynn is running towards the temple of the wize and ancient wizard, the Faceless One; her father. But, before she can enter the temple, Skeletor's forces overwhelm Evil-Lynn and drag away her lifeless body. The Faceless One watches from inside his temple, unable to help because he is imprisoned by magic. But he will get someone to help his daughter....

Meanwhile, at the Eternia Palace, Man-At-Arms and Prince Adam are tinkering with Duncan's latest development: a jet aircraft called the Wind Raider. Suddenly, a ball of green light falls from the sky and materializes into an image of the Faceless One. The Faceless One informs Man-At-Arms and Adam of Skeletor's plan. For his vengeance, Skeletor plans to throw Evil-Lynn into the Pool of Shadows, which is the portal to the Forsaken Realm. With the portal open, who knows what evil might spill out into Eternia? Once the Faceless One leaves, Adam transforms into He-Man, hops into the Wind Raider, and jets off to the Pool of Shadows.

At the Pool of Shadows, Evil-Lynn is dangling over the dark pit, and Skeletor begins the unneccesarily slow dipping device. Evil-Lynn begins to plead for her life, citing that she's always been loyal. We then have a flashback to when Evil-Lynn and Skeletor, or Keldor, as we was originally known, first met. Beast Man, Tri-Klops, and Trap Jaw were ransacking a shrine for the Orb of Agony. But, they run into a teenaged Evil-Lynn, who managed to swipe the Orb first, and they fight. Evil-Lynn easily defeats the three of them. Impressed, Keldor steps from the shadows and asks Evil-Lynn to join his forces. Evil-Lynn, equally impressed by Keldor, accepts.

Back in the present, Skeletor's forces shoot down the Wind Raider. They fight He-Man. He-Man wins and continues towards the Pool of Shadows on foot.

Back at the Pool of Shadows, Evil-Lynn's plea failed, and Skeletor continues slowly dropping her to her death. Evil-Lynn tries again, this time pointing out how, if it weren't for her, Skeletor wouldn't exist. Flashback #2. It's shortly after Keldor's final attack on General Randor failed. The acid meant for Randor is now slowly eating away Keldor's face. His flesh is dropping off in great, green globs, and Evil-Lynn is helping him limp towards a temple. They enter and approach a pool. Keldor removes something from his belt, drops it into the pool, and asks Evil-Lynn to activate it with her magic. Evil-Lynn does so, there is a great burst of light, and from the pool comes the one, the only, HORDAK! Keldor begs Hordak to save his life. Hordak says, "Your bargining position is highly dubious, but very well. I will give you a new body." Hordak's magic envelops Keldor, and Keldor's body transforms. Evil-Lynn looks up and says, "Keldor?" Hordak says, "No. Behold...Skeletor!" Together, Skeletor and Evil-Lynn leave the temple, and Hordak vanishes.

Back in the present. All this reminiscing means nothing to Skeletor, and it looks like Evil-Lynn is doomed. A dark beast emerges from the pool and, tired of waiting for Evil-Lynn to come to him, starts to move towards Evil-Lynn. He-Man arrives and rescues Evil-Lynn, much to everyone's surprise. He-Man fights the dark beast, and wins, smashing the Pool of Shadows and its shrine. Skeletor is buried in the rubble. Evil-Lynn asks He-man why he saved her, and He-Man says it was because the Faceless One said she was worth saving. Evil-Lynn then goes through a very melodramaitc perforance where she consideres turning to the good sign, but it's all a ruse to get He-Man to drop his guard, and she kicks his ass. She then goes, rescues Skeletor, and drags his weakend body back to Snake Mountain. He-Man just shrugs this off, repairs the Wind Raider as best he can, and starts heading back to the palace.

Snake Mountain. Skeletor and Evil-Lynn confer. Evil-Lynn points out how she just saved Skeletor and surely this must prove her loyalty. Skeletor agrees, allows Evil-Lynn back on his team, and simply says, "But if you ever do it again...." Evil-Lynn walks off, and we can already see that she's planning to do it again.

We end at the lair of the Snake Men. Tounge Lasher and Sssqueeze present the tablet to King Hiss. Hiss says it's just what he needs and laughs maniacly.

My thoughts and comments: Great to see more Evil-Lynn origin. Great to see HORDAK! In ToyFare, they're already hinting that Hordak might be the big baddie in season 3. That's what I'm hoping to see for the premiere in season 3. Hordak appears, and he's flanked by the Horde: Mantenna, Grizzlor, Leech, Cat-Ra, and his most feared warrior of all, General Adora.

I'm loving how they're going back and just adding more to the He-Man universe. A few episodes back, we got some great back story for the Sorceress, and some hints as to who Teela's true father is. (Everyone who's watched the original show knows that the Sorceress is
Teela's mother, and Man-At-Arms her adopted father.) This episode centered around Teela again longing to know who her true parents were, and Man-At-Arms going to see the Sorceress to once again say, "Dude. Tell her the truth." The Sorceress then told this tale. After Skeletor was imprisoned and peace came to Eternia, the Sorceress decided to take a sabatical from Greyskull, and took the form a simple woman in a village. But, with Skeletor in prison, it wasn't long before a few other petty warlords popped up, and the Sorceress had to summon forth her powers to save her new home. The village was safe, but then, after the war, an amnesic soldier wandered into the village. The Sorceress nursed him back to health, and they fell in love. They had a fairy tale romance, but then, one day, the soldier just wandered off. The Sorceress always told herself that the soldier must have regained his memory and gone back to his unit. The Sorceress started feeling disturbances in the Force, and returned to her duties at Greyskull. But, she didn't return alone. Soldier boy knocked her up. After this tale, Man-At-Arms and the Sorceress had this tantalizing exchange.

Man-At-Arms>> And so this soldier left you with a child.
Sorceress>> Yes. Your daughter, Teela.
Man-At-Arms>> You mean my adopted daughter.
Sorceress>> (pause) Yes. Of course.

Oooooooo! Is Man-At-Arms Teela's actual father? Only time will tell!

And I've ranted far too much

Next Issue...You met me at a very strange time in my life.

Wow. I'm in total amazement. Telus Webmail finally got a spam filter. After a few days of paranoia that I'd lose something important if I set it to automatically delete spam, I bit the bullet and set it to do just that. Now, the 100 spam messages I used to get daily have been whittled down to 3.

Did you ever decide to do the right thing but later regret it because it meant making more work for yourself? See, in my Internet computer course that I have to take, it continuously pissed me off that the tests always included material that wasn't covered in the course. Finally, I complained to the instructor about it. He said, "OK, smart guy. Here's the last two tests. Point out the questions that aren't covered in the course and I'll forward it to the folks who run the online courses." Took me a good chunck of my Friday afternoon, but after careful analysis, I determined that 1/3 of each test wasn't covered in the course material. Let's see if this changes things.

And when that was done, I had to go to the Nest, NAIT's on-campus bar. Another group in my class was doing their promotion. They chose to do a variation on Speaker's Corner. Rant on camera, best one gets shown on TV, and you win a prize. Because it was Friday afternoon, they were afraid they wouldn't get anyone. So, they asked me to come down and do a rant. I think I'll take that as a compliment.

"Mark, we need a colourful person for this project. Can we just turn the camera on you and let you be yourself?"

Speaking of compliments, I've also got to point out an instructor's comment on an assignment I just got back. The task was to watch a news story, transcribe it, and then analyze if it was a good story or a bad story. Thing is, they haven't taught us anything about news yet. If I had to draw an analogy, I think it was the pre-activity for when they teach us news next semester. But I digress.

This assignment was angst-ridden for me. The original news story I wanted to transcribe was eaten by my VCR, so I had to come up with a second choice the night before it was due. Wanting my angst to count for something, I turned in both my complete second choice and my half-complete first choice. The mark my instructor wrote on the cover was "A++++." The comment? "I can hardly wait to get you into the newsroom next semester. You GET this."

Maybe I won't be a DJ. Do I strike you as a hard-boiled newsman?

Next Issue...The Return of Jigsaw Jamison

Right now, I'm struggling to define "professionalism."

Mr. Anderson has made it to Tokyo. He's staying with the head office guy I'm currently talking to in the hopes of getting my Godzilla poster back. Now, even though head office guy has been too busy to tell me how much I owe so I can settle this, he's been able to hint to Mr. Anderson that the total is around $250. (And, based on my average expenses in Japan, I seriously doubt that number.)

So, let me get this straight:

Head office guy talks about confidential office matters with people who are just passing through.

I wore a hat to work.

Head office guy called me "unprofessional."

Say it with me...WHAT THE FUCK?

Next Issue...Summer Vacation

And thus ends another day. Didn't study very much for the English test tomorrow. But then, I really don't care anymore. The end of the semester is coming quickly, and my boredom is starting to show.

For example, I have this one course called "Radio Concepts." It's quite easy. See, people were going into radio with stars in their eyes, wanting to become DJs. Naturally, when they found out about all the other stuff that goes on at a radio station, they'd grow disillusioned and quit. So, in Radio Concepts, we go on field trips to radio stations and find out all about the other jobs. I've been to sales (I WILL NEVER BE A SALESMAN AGAIN), copy and traffic (I could be a writer) and production (could be very cool). Today was promotions. I will admit, my trip to promotions was somewhat...enlightening. Right now, I'm deeply stressing in my promotions project at school, so my attitude on this trip was "FUCK PROMOTIONS! FUCK IT UP ITS STUPID ASS!" But, I did find out that, in the real world, things are a lot more organized and thus move more smoothly.

But, anyway, after each trip I have to write a report on it. My reports all tend to follow the same format, and they're starting to get boring. So, today, I borrowed a digital camera from the school with the idea that I'd jazz up my report with pictures. I also have to give an oral presentation with my group, so this spiraled into the idea to construct a power point for our presentation.

Anyway, currently downloading the Hellboy trailer. Might be a good film.

Next Issue...Christmas is soon!

I hope you'll forgive me if I take a moment to do the highly cruel and ill-mannered act of laughing at my best friend, Mr. Anderson. He just e-mailed me, proudly proclaiming that, on his big cycling trip in Japan, he has finally arrived in Tokyo. He rode 500 km in 12 hours in the driving rain. And he made it Tokyo! That is a great accomplishment, and on that, I applaud you, buddy!

But as soon as he arrived in Tokyo, he went straight to the Tokyo Tower. That's what's making me laugh.

See, Lonely Planet Japan doesn't have very many kind things to say about the Tokyo Tower. All of my students didn't have very nice things to say about Tokyo Tower. EVERYONE I MET IN THE TOKYO AREA didn't have very nice things to say about the Tokyo Tower. I'm sure I can reasonably say that THE TOKYO TOWER IS THE MOST REVILED TACKY TOURIST STOP IN TOKYO. And that's why I never went.

But it's the first place Mr. Anderson just had to go after riding for 12 hours in the driving rain.

*snicker*

Oh, well. It could have been worse. He could have gone striaght to Tokyo Disneyland. That I did do, but only because most of my students were high school girls who had an insane love of all things cute, like Disney characters, so Tokyo Disneyland was the one thing they always highly, highly recommended. Yeah, I hated myself when I saw how much money I spent, but I was popular with the girls.

Next Issue...People Who Laugh At Their Best Friends Have No Friends. (Sorry, Mr. Anderson.)

I wasted far too much time watching TV tonight. I could have been working! I'm getting so stressed at school right now. My defence mechanism seems to be to shut down higher brain functions and waste time doing nothing. I comfort myself with the great words of Capt. Kirk: "The greater the intelligence, the greater the need for play."

Speaking of play, my parents are going to kill me. Spent an hour and half downloading Adam Sandler's Hannuka Song pt. 3. With the laptop still in the shop, I'm starting to reconstruct my catalogue of Christmas MP3s. The one last one that's still eluding me is the Cryptkeeper's Christmas Rap. Twisted brilliance, it is it is.

Next Issue...All I Want For Christmas Are Two Big [censored]

HAPPY NEW WEEK! Let's celebrate with a new column, which can be found at the main site. This week's offering is called The Moons of Jupiter. Free sample!

"Now, while I'm no Galileo, I do tend to tackle things with the mind of a scientist. I have these degrees in physics and math, you see, and it has blessed and cursed me with an analytical mind. One of my physics professors once stated that physics is "the master science that underlies all. Once you know physics, you'll be able to pick up any science textbook and immediately get a grasp of it." And he was right. On good days, I'm like Neo in The Matrix. When I stare at a problem long enough, I'm able to see the swirling mass of equations that governs its behaviour. "Mathematics is the language in which God wrote the universe." Galileo again. But, for most of my short life, I have been surrounded by one problem that Galileo did very little research on. "

The moons are a symbol. Find out what it represents.

Next Issue...Arise, Serpentor! Or not.

WOO! The Critic is coming to DVD! This short-lived cartoon was on the mid-1990s and was created by a few Simpsons writers. Jon Lovitz did the voice of Jay Sherman, a NYC film critic, and the show was a blend of Hollywood satire and family comedy as we followed Jay's quest for true love. The big DVD boxed set The Critic: The Complete Series comes out January 27 and will have all 23 episodes. Among the bonus featuers will be running commentaries on 8 select episodes, various featurettes about the creation of the show, and every online episode from The Critic's resurrection as a Shockwave cartoon from 1999 - 2001.

But I must still ask: Where's Tokyo Mew Mew?

Next Issue...Next Column

So I'm leafing throught the latest issue of Star Trek Communicator, and they mention the latest project from Tim Russ. He played Tuvok on Voyager. He is currently directing a short film that he wrote. It's called Roddenberry on Patrol.

As you know, Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry was a motorcycle cop with the LAPD before he broke into television. So, the short film Roddenberry on Patrol is a "What if?" tale, where we follow Roddenberry doing his cop thing and the people he runs into and the things he does seem vaguely like they could have inspired Star Trek. Russ has filled many of the roles with original series stars and some of his old buddies from Voyager.

It sounds a lot like the classic Internet short film from a few years back, George Lucas in Love. I've never seen that, and I'd really like to. Remember this? We follow Lucas around the UCLA campus, and certain folks he run into seem somewhat "inspirational" for the Star Wars characters he goes on to create.

I've got to grab a video camera and make one of these "inspired by" short films. I think I've already got my subject. I'll get together with some buddies, and we'll make a live-action Pokemon short film! Of course, it'll spoof Pokemon as well. I just imagine this scene where, when Team Rocket makes the appearance, Ash cuts off their motto with "Oh, SHIT! Would you two FUCKING GIVE IT UP?" I wonder if the TV people would help me out with it....

Next Issue...The Silver Cup

Wow. My Promotions & Marketing class is starting to mess with my mind. Part of the class has been the design of questionairres: why you ask which questions. Tonigh, while driving home, my Dad and I stopped at KFC to pick up a bucket of chicken for dinner. KFC is doing the promotional tie-in with The Lord of the Rings, and the clerk sweet-talked my Dad into getting the Lord of the Rings family meal. Along with it was a scratch-n-win card. I lost, but I did get a PIN number so I could enter the contest at their website and download cool LOTR stuff.

(epiphany of the night: "PIN" stands for "Personal Identification Number." So isn't it redundant to call it a "PIN number?")

I like downloading cool stuff, so I just punched in the PIN to enter the contest. And, lo and behold, part of the entry form was a questionairre! My first thought was, "OK. Why are they asking these questions? Why do they want to know this information?" I answered it using what I've learned, and it all seemed quite logical. And the cool downloads were just a couple of wallpapers and a screensaver.

And now, sad news. Johnathon Brandis is dead at the age of 27. He had several small film roles over the past few years, but I still remember him best as boy genius Lucas Wolenczek on the early-90s sci-fi show seaQuest DSV. His role on that show made him quite the teen idol 10 years ago. The coroner's report is out yet, but everyone is assuming it was a suicide. Wow. seaQuest came on just as I began collecting action figures. I still have my MIB Lucas Wolenczek figure.

Next Issue...Purple Panties

And now, as promised, here's that Marvel movie update I didn't do last night. All this info comes straight from Marvel headman Avi Arad in a recent stockholders webcast:

- Daredevil: The Director's Cut hits DVD in April.

- Nick Fury and Tales of the Zombie are now in development.

- The Punisher will be rated R.

- Werewolf by Night will be directed by John Fasano, and will be a fantasy/romance film.

- Mort the Dead Teenager will be Marvel's first comedy film.

- Brett Leonard, who just finished directing Man-Thing, will do other Marvel films.

- Fantastic Four has been pushed back to Summer 2005. Marvel figures it's more of a summer movie, anyway.

- Iron Man is also being readied for 2005. It's currently being written by Smallville creators and Spider-Man 2 writers Alfred Gough and Miles Millar. It will be a very expensive film.

- Ghost Rider, starring Nicholas Cage as Johnny Blaze, is being written and directed by Daredevil writer/director Mark Steven Johnson. Filming begins in January. It will also come out in 2005.

- Elektra will probably come out in 2005, and delve more into the character's backstory. And the plan is still to reunite her with Matt Murdoch in Daredevil 2.

- X-Men 3 has officially been given a Summer 2006 release.

- Hulk 2 is also locked in for Summer 2006, and an unnamed writer has been hired.

- A script for Namor has just been finished by David Self. That one's also planned for 2006. Arad jokes that the film has "more fish than Finding Nemo."

- A race has begun among the "world's greatest writers" to see who will write Captain America. That one's also hoped for 2006.

- Nick Fury has just entered fast development, and it's been sold as "James Bond made in the USA."

And now, I should get some work done.

Next Issue...Jacana's Back!

Given that it's happening this Saturday, I guess I should finally take some time to acknowledge the biggest sporting event in North America right now: The Hockey Heritage Classic. I'm sure you all know what it is, but this is just for little Zamf in Uzbekistan who might be surfing in.

So what is the Hockey Heritage Classic? Well, this NHL season marks the 25th Anniversary of the Edmonton Oilers. Naturally, they wanted to do something special to celebrate. So, they organized a big event around their Saturday game with the Montreal Canadians. They came up with a special hockey double-header. First up will be an alumni game. Many of the top Oilers of all time vs. many of the top Habs of all time. They've already got the greats of the Oilers' 80s dynasty signed on to play: Gretzky, Messier, Kuri, and all the rest. After this exhibition game, we'll have the regular season game between the current Oilers and Habs. But what makes this really special is that it's not happening at Rexall Place. (More on that later.) Oh, no. This is happening at Commonwealth Stadium.

That's right. It's all outdoors. When the Oilers and Habs square off, it'll be the first outdoor regular season game in NHL history.

This has been the hottest ticket in Edmonton since August. On the news tonight, they showed hockey fans coming from as far away as Virginia to check this out. For this weekend, Edmonton's City Hall has become a "mini-Hockey Hall of Fame." And now, it's also been learned that officials from the Toronto Maple Leafs have come to see how this is organized, so they can have a Heritage Classic of their own when the Leafs' Centennial comes up. And, since I'm currently studying broadcasting (and thus, sports coverage) in Edmonton, you can figure out that this has been a topic of discussion in class since the semester began.

So there. Like every other Edmonton broadcaster, I've done my Heritage Classic Tie-In.

Now, this Rexall Place nonsense. When I was a kid, the building where the Oilers play was called "Northlands Coliseum." This was because it was part of the Northlands Sports Park. Then, the owner of the Oilers wanted control of the building so he could reap more profits. He got control, business ties with the Northlands Sports Park were severed, and the building was renamed "The Edmonton Coliseum." The owner of the Oilers sold the team, and it was bought by a coalition of some 50 local businesses and comic creator Todd McFarlane. A member of the coalition owned the Skyreach Heavy Equipment Company, so he lobbied to have the building renamed "Skyreach Centre." He got his way, and the building has been Skyreach Centre for the past 5 years or so. Now, today, November 20, 2003, the contract between the Oilers Ownership Group (the formal designation of the coalition) and Mr. Skyreach expired. Another member of the Oilers Ownership Group snapped up the new contract. He just happens to be the founder and owner of the Rexall Pharmacy chain. So, the new name of the building is "Rexall Place." That's going to be the name of the Oilers' home ice for the next 20 years or so, under this contract.

Now, we're all aware that major league sports are another big business today, and it's a big business I'm not very interested in. But this is one aspect that really sickens me: big companies buying the "naming rights" to these buildings. I mean, these companies pay hundreds of millions of dollars to name these buildings after themselves. What the hell have these companies done that makes them worthy of having a building named after them? Why do we have to slap another logo or trademark on a BUILDING of all things?

I first got pissed off over this when, in the mid-90s, I read about Canadian Airlines spending $50 million for the naming rights of the Saddledome in Calgary. Originally, it was just "the Saddledome." Why? Because the building looks like a saddle! Nice and simple. Then, Calgary hosted the 1988 Winter Olympics, and the Olympic hockey games were played in the Saddledome. Because of this, they justifiably renamed the place, "The Olympic Saddledome." Then, in the mid-90s, for the lo lo price of $50M, they dropped the Olympics and became "The Canadian Airlines Saddledome." Of course, Canadian Airlines no longer exists, so if I remember correctly, the place is now called the " Saddledome."

If that's not metaphoric for this whole thing, then I don't know what is. The Olympics, originally intended to be a celebration of amateur sport, pushed aside at the promise of big bucks. This whole "naming rights" thing was my turning point that made me realize how much the sports world had sold out.

And that's all I have to say tonight. I was also going to throw in some updates on movies based on Marvel comics, but it's time for Conan O'Brian.

Next Issue...Live from the Chaos In A Box.com Arena!

I'm just so darn tired right now. It all goes back to my Promotions & Marketing assignment. I mean, it's simple enough. Design and execute a promotion for NAIT's radio station. If the promotion is successful, you pass. If it's not, you fail. Tomorrow, we do the (required) kick-off: we storm the cafeteria and force the populace to listen to our 10 minute presentation about our promotion. I've been stressing about it all week. It's got to be a max of 10 minutes, a min of 8 minutes. I'm the first speaker in our group of 6. All I have to do is introduce everyone and rattle off our list of sponsors. I don't know why I'm stressing so much. I wrote my script, which is only half a page. I've taught more complicated English classes with less.

Yeah, but Japanese students paid good money and hung on my every word with awe and reverence. This time, I'm disrupting the lunches of aspiring grease monkeys.

I must turn to happy news. Just read a big interview with Samuel L. Jackson. For those who don't read Marvel Comics, they just introduced Ultimate Nick Fury. For his Ultimate self, Nick Fury is a black man, who looks kind of like...Sameul L. Jackson. Turns out, now, Jackson actually has been in negotiations with Marvel to star in a Nick Fury movie.

And Jackson shed some more light on his role in Pixar's next film, The Incredibles. Turns out he's not playing the villain, as originally thought. He's playing the goofy sidekick! He plays the best friend of hero Mr. Incredible; a hero named Frozon who has freeze-based superpowers.

Next Issue...I'm a Pirate

Today's lesson learned about radio: the mention of "pedophilia" really turns off people.

In a practice radio run, I jokingly referred to Britaney Spears as "The Poster Girl for Pedophilia," and the whole class went "ewww!" You know you've gone too far when the crudest guy in class turns to you and says, "You said WHAT?"

Besides how to turn off radio listeners, I also learned that the highly anticipated DVD boxed set Star Trek: Voyager - Season 1 is coming out on February 24! The one bonus material I'm really looking forward to is called The First Captain: Genevieve Bujold. As most of you probably know, French Canadian actress Genevieve Bujold was the first choice to play Captian Elizabeth Janeway. Halfway through the filming of Voyager's pilot, Caretaker, she snapped and quit, saying that working on episodic television was "too stressful." The role was re-cast with Kate Mulgrew, Capt. Janeway's first name was changed to "Kathryn," and the rest is history. So, this featurette features the long-lost Bujold footage. Nifty, eh? I still need to finish my Next Generation DVDs, and start on Deep Space Nine.

Next Issue...Hair Loss. It's no laughing matter.

OK, Teen Titans is now officially a cool cartoon. On tonight's episode, Robin was blackmailed by the villainous Slade into turning evil. Slade figured that Robin would be the perfect "apprentice." As Slade outlined his "lessons" for Robin, Slade ended by saying, "You might even come to think of me as your father." Robin just glared at Slade and said, "I already have a father." The camera panned up, where we saw a flurry of bats fly from Slade's hideout, and a faint echo of the Batman theme was played.

And then Slade made Robin break into Wayne Enterprises.

Speaking of DC cartoons, I just read a synopsis of the upcoming Justice League Christmas episode, entitled Comfort and Joy. It was written by one of the gods of Batman: The Animated Series, Paul Dini. The plot is this: it's Christmas Eve. Expecting a quiet Christmas, the JLA all goes home for the holidays. Except for Batman and Wonder Woman. Those two paranoid crazed loners stay on duty, just in case. So, the three main plot threads are:

- They never had Christmas on Mars, so Superman takes Martian Manhunter home with him to Smallville, and J'ohnn J'onzz learns all about Christmas from the Kents.

- They don't have snow on Thanagar, so Green Lantern takes Hawgirl on a quick overview of winter sports. This is the romantic one, as it apparently ends with Green Lantern making Hawkgirl into a Hawkwoman, if you know what I mean.

- The Flash delivers toys to an orphanage, and winds up using his powers to scour every toy store in the world looking for the "must have" toy for this one child. This is the comedic plot.

I can hardly wait!

Next Issue...the Man Wonder

OK, I'd just like to say this about my previous entry: I'm fully aware that the Ottawa Rough Riders went bankrupt and were replaced with the Ottawa Renegades. I just put in that whole "Roughriders vs. Rough Riders" joke because that's the only thing my American co-workers knew about the CFL: "There's two teams with the same name, right?"

Anyway, on to the good stuff! This week's latest column is up! Tonight's offering is called Activist. As always, here's a sample:

"I still think Bowling for Columbine is a great movie with a powerful message. I snapped it up on DVD as soon as it came out. But, nowadays, as I speak with my friends, I'm slowly coming to the realization of the backlash towards that film. Many websites have popped up to expose "the truth behind Michael Moore's lies." These website raise a lot of questions about the film. For example, the NRA rally that happened in Columbine after the school shootings. According to some of these websites, the rally was planned months in advance, and after the shooting, the NRA cancelled every rally they had planned except for one which they were required by law to have. And Charlton Heston's speech from the rally was heavily edited by Moore. Same thing with the school shooting that happened between the two six-year olds in Moore's hometown of Flint, Michigan. In the film, Moore maintains that the NRA rally happened "right after" the school shooting. Records show the rally was nine months later. And the film's now-infamous opening of Moore getting his free gun when he opened the bank account? There are those who maintain that it was staged for the cameras and that really, you have to wait a week to get your gun and you pick it up from a gun warehouse on the other side of town. "

Did you like the free sample? Well, we happen to have them on special today! Pick up a whole pack!

Next Issue...Congrats, Eskimos! Winners of the 2003 GREY Cup!

"Nothing turns a man into a partriot more than living in another country." - Mike Myers.

It's the Grey Cup this weekend. The big ol' championship of the CFL. I only really cared about it last year when I was in Japan. Nothing baffled my students more than, when there was a lull in the conversation, and I'd just casually ask, "Soooooo, who do you like in the Grey Cup?" I did that until about February, when a co-worker finally asked, "Haven't they played that yet?" I just sheepishly went, "Yeah, they played it back in November. Montreal won."

That was the only time I'd seen the CFL mentioned in the Japan Times, too. I showed up for work the Tuesday after they Grey Cup and there was the little blurb: "Montreal Wins Grey Cup." I still say I should return to Tokyo some day and open up my Canadian-themed bar. Surely, there are other Canuks teaching English in Tokyo who want a place to catch the latest Roughriders vs. Rough Riders game.

But let's think of the here and now. I can hardly wait until they teach me how to run a recording studio so I can start throwing together more spots for my show. I keep hearing this one soundclip from Clerks: The Animated Series that I want to work into a commercial:

Randall>> Look at him. He's quivering in fear.
Dante>> He's not quivering. He's masturbating.
Randall>> Yeah, but he's doing it out of fear.

Someday soon....

Next Issue...The Quiverer.

It's the weekend. I'm trying to relax right now. The source of my frustration at present is my Promotions and Marketing class. We're in the midst of the final project. It's quite simple, really. Design and execute a promotion for NAIT's campus radio station. If the promotion is successful, you pass. If it's unsuccessful, you fail. It's one of those tasks where, as soon as my group began, I felt like we were already running behind. Especially right now, when it seems that our main sponsor is avoiding us. And I feel left out when everyone is running around being so busy and I find that I'm failing in my role in the group. I could be doing more. I should be doing more. Why aren't I doing more right now?

(Careful, Mark. It's an attitude like that that cost you your job in Japan.)

So, I'm trying to spend this weekend relaxing. I just watch Hulk on DVD again. I still think that's a good movie, even though (now that it's on DVD) people can tell you that the Hulk doesn't appear until 42 minutes into the film. What fascinates me, though, was when director Ang Lee spoke about Nick Nolte's character, David Banner. Even though he's based on the "Hulk" comic villain the Absorbing Man, they didn't want to call him "the Absorbing Man" because they strayed too far from the core of the Absorbing Man. In the film, David Banner says that he "partakes the essence of whatever he comes in contact with." Lee began calling him "Partaking Man." In the script, they call David Banner simply, "The Father."

Next Issue...Reflections

OK, I read this yesterday, and am only waiting until now to report it. You can read the complete version here, or keep scrolling down and read my version.

McJob - A low-paying job that requires little skill and provides little opportunity for advancement.

This entry appears in the latest edition of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary. McDonald's is upset about it. They say that it's "a slap in the face" to their 12 million employees worldwide. They are pressuring the Merriam-Webster people to change the definition to something more flattering.

The Merriam-Webster people are resisting. They are citing articles going as far back as 1986 that prove their defintion of "McJob" is quite appropriate. They "stand by their accuracy."

It should also be noted that other respected dictionaries, such as Webster's Dictionary and Oxford English Dictionary, also have definitions for "McJob." This is the Oxford definition: "An unstimulating, low-paid job with few prospects, esp. one created by the expansion of the service sector."

I'll end with a quote from my all-time favourite book, 1984: "The destruction of words is a beautiful thing."

Next Issue...Big Business is Watching You