Just forget the words and sing along

Monday, September 05, 2005

As I've gotten progressivly fatter, I find that I'm currently in an awkward position. Most of my pants have gotten painfully tight, and I haven't had an opportunity to buy anything larger yet.

All day, I've been fighting a horrible headache.

Reminds me of this classic dirty joke:

"A man has been plagued all his life with horrific headaches. Finally, he consults with a team of specialists. Something is causing excess pressure on his spine, and that's the cause of the headaches. The doctors come up with a radical plan. They're pretty sure that the pressure will be relieved...if they remove the man's testicles. The man ponders this. Continue with a lifetime of pain, or have his testicles removed. He chooses to have his testicles removed.

A few days after the operation, the man is enjoying his new, pain-free life. He is ecstatic! He feels freer than he has in years! He walks by a tailor, and decides to celebrate his new life with a new suit. He walks into the shop.

The man asks the tailor for a new suit. The tailor looks the man up and down and says, "Certainly! Your pants are a size 38."

The man says, "Wow! That's right. And you didn't measure me!"

The tailor says, "Well, sir, when you've been in the business as long as I have, you can just look at a person and instantly tell what their measurements are."

The man decides to test the tailor. "Really, then. What's my inseam?"

The tailor: "28"

The tailor is right, and the man is astonished. "What's my shoe size?" asks the man.

The tailor: "10"

He's right again! The man asks, "What's my underwear size?"

The tailor says, "8"

The man says, "A ha! I got you there! I take a size 6! I've worn size 6 all my life!"

The tailor says, "That's impossible! If you were to wear size 6 underwear, that would press your testicles against your spine, and the pressure on your spine would cause horrific headaches!"

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