Just forget the words and sing along

Thursday, September 01, 2005

You know, talking yesterday about my cousin's "second wedding" and all that, I can't help but be reminded of this short film I saw when I was younger.

It was called Espresso. It was a short film. I saw it when I had free SuperChannel, and SuperChannel was showing it pretty regularly as filler. Let me sum up the plot for you.

Our main character is this young pizza delivery guy. And, as we learn in an elaborate opening musical number, the one thing he really wants in life is an espresso maker. Bear in mind that this was in 1991, when an espresso maker was still quite the luxary item. Our main character couldn't afford one on a pizza guy's wages.

So he hatches this plot to get an espresso maker. He starts hanging out in front of a bridal shop. And, every time a woman comes buy and stares longingly at the wedding gowns, he proposes to her. This led a montage of face-slaps, untill, finally, this young immagrant woman says yes.

Over donuts at Tim Horton's, our main character shares his plan with his immigrant bride-to-be. They get married, get a ton of presents, get an anulment, and split the presents. He figures that, out of everyone he invites to the wedding, he'll get at least one espresso maker. But he has to explain to this woman what an anulment is. Seems this immagrant woman is rather horny, and she can't wrap her head around this concept of marriage with no sex.

So they have their wedding. And yes, as he predicted, he got an espresso maker. They also got quite a bit of wine. And the immagrant woman wants her honeymoon. So, she gets our main character drunk and they do it.

Of course, he wakes up the next morning, and realizes that his plan is now shot to hell. He can't get a divorce, because he can't afford one on his pizza boy wages. After talking to every religious leader in the town, he finds out that he can still get an anulment through the Catholic church...but only the pope can grant it.

The film ends when we learn that our pizza boy is now trapped in a loveless marriage and father to three kids.

Yeah, when I was younger, it seemed kind of "out there."

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