Just forget the words and sing along

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Well, nominations for the federal election closed at midnight back on Monday. If you don't know who's running in your riding yet, now's the perfect time to find out! Just head on over to the Official Elections Canada Website and type in your postal code. It'll bring up all kinds of interesting info about your riding, such as who's voting, the phone numbers of their campaign offices, and how many of those candidates are women.

I've got five candidates out here. The represented parties are the Liberals, the Conservatives, the NDP, the Greens, and the Christian Heritage Party. Darn. I was hoping for a Marijuana Party candidate.

Anywho, it's interesting to note that the incumbent in my riding is Conservative Health Critic Rob Merrifield. He's the guy who said that counceling for women wanting abortions should be mandatory.

And, tonight, I plotted a wonderfully, delicious, dastardly scheme. Want to hear it? My parents have already given their blessing.

I want to get lawn signs from all 5 candidates and put them on our front lawn.

See, in Radio Journalism, that was one of the things I was taught about covering an election. Everyone's got to have equal time. If I get a quote from one of the candidates, I've got to get a quote from the other four as well. So, I figure that I should have equal time on my front lawn, too.

It's all quite simple really. Tomorrow, I'll call up all the campaign offices and request a sign. "A ha!" you're saying. "I've discovered a flaw in your scheme! What will you do when the second candidate comes along, and sees the sign for the first candidate?" Quite simple, really. Every time a candidate comes to put up their sign, I'll give them some excuse why I can't do it now. You know, something like, "Well, I'm going to mow the lawn later today. I want to mow the lawn first." And then, I stash the sign in my basement. When I get all 5, I put them all up at the same time! The only way this could get awkward is if two or more sign crews show up at the same time.... But that's a very coincidental thing that most likely won't happen.

Actually, I just thought of one thing that would really set this over the top. Once I get all five signs up, I should add another sign, with that classic quote from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade:

"You must choose wisely."

Next Issue...Who is Tabitha Welsman?

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