Need more stuff to talk about on the show....

- Montreal moving to Washington. Baseball's the only sport I kinda, sorta follow
- The new $20 came out today.
- The frightening statistic that only 1% of women think they are beautiful

- Elaborate on yesterday's new DVD releases more. C'mon! The Big One, now on dvd! That's a good movie.

- Rant more about Conan going to the Tonight Show

Here's something good from Yahoo:

RIVERSIDE, Iowa - Riverside has been "punk'd" by William Shatner, aka "Star Trek" Capt. James T. Kirk, and Spike TV. Riverside considers itself the "future birthplace" of Capt. Kirk, commander of the starship USS Enterprise in the '60s "Star Trek" series. The town holds an annual TrekFest, which includes a parade with people dressed as "Star Trek" characters and public showings of the "Star Trek" episodes.


Shatner had been shooting scenes in Riverside for what he said was a low-budget, sci-fi movie titled, "Invasion Iowa."

On Tuesday night, he invited residents to view scenes that he'd been directing in and around town for a week.

Shatner thanked some 800 people who turned out for the gathering and then revealed the filming had been for a new reality show on Spike TV about a small town playing host to a Hollywood film shoot. The show is set to debut next year.

"Everything in front of and behind the cameras was faked," Shatner said. "The only thing that was real is the love we have for Riverside."

Spike TV said in a statement Wednesday that a crew of producers, writers and actors had spent more than a year planning the "carefully crafted" hoax.

"It's hard to imagine any undertaking more audacious, hair-raising and ultimately rewarding than what we just finished in Riverside," said producer Paul Wernick.

To soften the blow, Shatner announced that he and his co-producers were donating $100,000 to the city to be used for community projects. The cast and crew also passed the hat and collected $12,000 for the Riverside Elementary School Book Fund.

Mike Hanson, who had been hired as an extra, said he and his fellow actors had been suspicious about the project.

"It was too cheesy to be real," Hanson said after Shatner's announcement. "If it was really a movie, we'd be more scared of how bad it was."

La la la...doin' show prep:

It's Tuesday! New DVD day! What comes out today?

(O) STAR TREK: GENERATIONS (Paramount) Picard meets Kirk in this 1994 feature. Two-disc special edition includes commentrak, annotation track, featurettes, deleted scenes, storyboards and more.

(O) THE ALAMO (Buena Vista) Billy Bob Thornton and Dennis Quaid defend the famous fort from the Mexican army. Widescreen and fullscreen editions include Making-Of, history featurettes, deleted scenes and more.

(O) THE BIG ONE (Buena Vista) Before hunting even bigger game, Michael Moore tries to get any CEO to tell him why companies that make more money fire people.

O) CHILDREN OF THE CORN (Anchor Bay) This memorable but bad adaptation of a Stephen King story, which led to several worse sequels, is treated with ABE’s Divimax restoration to celebrate its 20th anniversary. Includes commentrak, retrospective, storyboards, script and more.

(O) CHRISTINE (Columbia TriStar)
John Carpenter adapts Stephen King's novel of wheeled terror, CHRISTINE.
Stephen King’s tale of a supernatural Plymouth Fury in a special edition that includes commentrak by director John Carpenter, featurettes, 20 deleted scenes, and more.

O) ELLEN Complete Season One (A&E) Ellen DeGeneres stars as a single book store owner who can’t seem to find the right man to settle down with. Includes commentrak.

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND (Universal)
Jim Carrey’s ex Kate Winslet can’t remember him. One of many amnesia movies released in the past couple years, just like….. um…. Widescreen and fullscreen editions include commentrak, Making-Of, interviews, music video and more.

O) SUPER SIZE ME (Hart Sharpe)
Excellent documentary tracks one man’s experiment in eating only McDonald’s food for one month while he examines nutrition in the USA. Include commentrak, interviews and deleted scenes.

O) WALKING TALL (MGM) The Rock stars in this remake of the ‘70s drive-in favorite about a rural lawmen who cleans up the area without using a gun. Includes two commentraks, featurettes, deleted scenes, bloopers, alternate endings and more.

BARBIE: THE PRINCESS & THE PAUPER (Lions Gate) Barbie sings (just like Jem!) in her first musical.

And I have to mention Richard Branson; one of the richest guys in the world, owner of Virgin Records, Virgin MegaStores, Virgin Airlines, pretty much anything with the Virgin name on it. Well, he's just formed a new company called Virgin Galactic, which'll be the first private space tourism company. Virgin's ships will be designed by Bert Rutan and based on Rutan's SpaceShipOne. You may remember SpaceShipOne's test flight back in the spring; it's one of the X-Prize hopefuls. Virgin Galactic hopes to send up its first 3000 space travellers within 5 years.

OK, this is a pure show-prep tidbit.

Things are heating up for the selection of the host city for the 2012 Olympics. The IOC is visiting Madrid, Spain today to hear their pitch. British Prime Minister Tony Blair has just said that his government is wholly committed to bringing the games to London.

All the cities in competition are Madrid, London, New York, Paris, and Moscow. The decision will be announed in Singapore in July.

Next Issue...Gotta Do a Show

Spaceballs 2, baby!

In a recent interview, Mel Brooks revealed that he's hard at work writing a script for Spaceballs 2. He says that making the first Spaceballs was one of the best experiences he ever had making a movie, and if he's ever going to do a sequel, he should do it now, while he's still young enough to play Yohgurt. When asked when the movie will come out, Brooks said, "Best case scenario: a week before the new Star Wars. Worst case scenario: a year after the new Star Wars.

Next Issue...May the Schwartz Be With You

Tonight's favourite movie knock-off:

So I was watching the season premiere of Smallville. Clark Kent's been gone for months, and he returned, all re-programed into Mr. Ultimate Kryptonian Warrior. Because he's been all reprogrammed, he now has the one superpower they've been avoiding in the show: flight. So, when we see Clark take off for the first time, what FX shot do they rip off?

Remember the flight effects in The Matrix Reloaded? How the ground would ripple beneath Neo's feet, and it would go into bullet-time and the camera would pan around him before he took off like a shot? Well, they used that shot, almost exactly, to show Clark Kent taking flight.

And the big news of the night: on the fiftieth anniversary episode of The Tonight Show, Jay Leno announced that he'll be calling it quits in 5 years. And he already named his successor: Conan O'Brien. Leno said that he's announcing all this now to try to avoid the nastiness he went through with David Letterman when Johnny Carson couldn't choose a successor.

Next Issue...Relicanth

Wow. No one's read my column for 10 days. That's...disheartening. Here's another one you won't read, Letting Go With Galileo:

"I’m sure the last thing you want to read is another rambling tale of an ancient physicist. In fact, I know you don’t want to read it. Just turn the page. I’m sure there’s some particularly filthy Grape Vines this week. But, what can I say? Mr. Editor Guy, Collin Perilo, he’s waiting for it. In our last meeting, he said to me, “Ever since you ended that first one with ‘Next week: the story of Galileo,’ I’ve been waiting for the story of Galileo! WRITE IT ALREADY!” Now, here I am, trying to track down a NAITSA exec so I can write a piece on how well Shinerama Day did, desperately trying to get my contractually-obligated three articles together. And since the good Mr. Perilo signs my paychecks, I should be more worried about impressing him rather than (name deleted to protect her identity). Therefore, welcome to the story of Galileo."

Ignore it by not clicking here

next Issue...Belly Drum

God, sometimes I really wonder why I call myself a geek.

I've never really delved into the "Which is better: Star Trek or Star Wars?" debate. I love both. I enjoy both. Many of my friends enjoy both. I figured that they happily co-exist to a lot of geeks.

But then....

I was surfing at TrekWeb, one of my favourite Star Trek websites, and I curiously poked my nose in at one of the hottest debates in their message board right now.

This debate all started when some Trekkie noticed this statistic: The Star Wars Trilogy DVD boxed set sold more copies in its first day than Star Trek Nemesis has in the entire year and a few months it's been available. This Trekkie then goes on to ask, quite seriously, "How does a 30-year old movie made by some tiny independent production company manage to sell more than the newest, best Star Trek movie, which has a worldwide conglomerate behind it?" He then proceeded to berate Star Trek fans for allowing this affront to Star Trek to happen.

And things just went downhill from there.

I...I...really don't know what to say to that.

Moving on, I've been noticing some rather pointless changes in The Star Wars Trilogy on DVD. Single lines have been changed, and I've only noticed because the new lines are very poorly dubbed in.

The first change I noticed was in The Empire Strikes Back. I was just skipping through the film trying to hear Boba Fett's new voice. It's the scene right after when Han Solo gets frozen in carbonite. As they begin to reset the freezing chamber, an imperial soldier walks up to Darth Vader to notify Vader that Luke is coming to Bespin. In the original and special edition, the soldier says....

"We've detected a ship on sensors. X-Wing class."

In the new DVD edition....

"Skywalker's landed, sir."

The second change was in A New Hope. Yes, I finally got to watch the whole thing after the company left today. This is the infamous cantina scene, in which Luke is accosted by Ponda Baba and Dr. Evizan, only to have Obi-Wan break it up by hacking off Ponda Baba's arm. In the original and special edition, Dr. Evizan taunts Luke with this:

"He doesn't like your face. I don't like your face."

New DVD edition:

"He doesn't like you. I don't like you."

As I said, I wouldn't have noticed these changes if it weren't for the fact that these new lines are poorly dubbed in. It's like it lapses into a Godzilla movie for a brief second.

It's just a change that strikes me as odd. I'll have to check some Star Wars sites and see who else has noticed this.

Next Issue...Babylon 5 Sucks!

Ahh!

I'm never gonna get to watch Star Wars!

My plans to do it this Saturday were shattered back on Thursday, when my parents finally revealed to me that they've volunteered to host a family reunion for a distant cousin at our house today. Naturally, I've been drafted to help out.

Ya know, the most frustrating thing about living at home is the automatic assumption that I know what's going on. "What? What do you mean you need the car today? What do you mean this has been planned for months? How am I going to get to work?" is something I said far too often over the summer.

I think it's time to get an RF converter from Radio Shack, dig out my old TV/VCR combo from my dorm days, and hook up my DVD player to my that. Only thing is I have no idea where I'd set it up. That, and the VCR in that combo has developed quite a taste for video tapes and tends to eat every tape I put in it.

Oh, well. Here's a show-prep worthy news bit:

Martha Stewart has made one big business deal before being shipped off to prison. She's signed a deal with Mark Burnett, the reality TV guru who created Survivor and The Apprentice. No word yet on what a Martha Stewart reality show will entail, but some are predicting that it'll have to with Stewart's reputation as being a perfectionist. I'm holding out for Martha and her Bitches: Life in the Big House for Girls.

Next Issue...Serve the Hamburgers

Today's favourite out-of-context quote:

"The fun thing about C-3P0 is he has no soul." - George Lucas, in the Star Wars DVD featurette The Characters of Star Wars.

Today's favoutie inspirational quote:

"You can be a geek and still kick someone's ass." - Blade writer/director David Goyer, responding to a reporter's comments that Goyer's tatoos "don't fit the geek image."

Next Issue...The News

$115 Million.

That's how much money Star Wars made in its first day of DVD sales.

To be fair, that also includes sales of the video game Star Wars Battlefront, but we're all pretty sure that most of that is for the DVD.

Season premiere of CSI tonight. They have to solve a murder that takes place at a UFO convention outside of Area 51.

The big movie coming out this weekend is The Forgotten. TV ads have been running pretty steady for the past month. It's like this. Julianne Moore loses her 8-year old son in a tragic accident. But, her therapist starts to tell her that she never had a son. She talks to other patients of this shrink, and soon she's embroiled in a paranormal conspiracy that erases people from existence.

Or, you can just see Sky Captain again. I'm dying to see that movie!

Along similar lines, although not forsaking any underscore, in this film, Epic/Sony Music Soundtrax have announced plans to Michael Moore's Songs And Artists That Inspired FAHRENHEIT 9/11. The CD will feature 12 "anthems for our time" and two "new originals for these times," with a portion of the CD sales benefiting the Fallen Patriot Fund. "Though the songs on this album aren't 'mine,' I feel them in me, and they urge me on to do the work we all need to do. I hope they have the same effect on you," said Moore. The CD is described as a songbook of stirring classics about patriotism, freedom, war and hope by Little Steven, Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, System Of A Down, Pearl Jam, Dixie Chicks, John Fogerty, The Clash, Steve Earle, Black Eyed Peas featuring Justin Timberlake, Nanci Griffith and Jeff Buckley, along with new songs by former Rage Against The Machine front man, Zack de la Rocha, and The Nightwatchman (Audioslave's Tom Morello). The Epic/Sony Music Soundtrax release will be in stores on October 5, along with the Fahrenheit 9/11 DVD. Everything on the record was selected by Michael Moore based on the songs and the artists that he listened to as he created his documentary.

Fantastic Four movie:

Jessica Alba, 23, star of TV's Dark Angel, is Sue Storm, also known as the Invisible Woman, who has a romance with Reed.

• Welshman Ioan Gruffudd, 30, goes from Lancelot in King Arthur to scientist Reed Richards, whose Mr. Fantastic has the ability to stretch.

• Chris Evans, 23, currently seen in Cellular, is Sue's bro Johnny, a cocky pilot who turns up the heat as the Human Torch.

• The most recognizable face is also the most covered. Veteran actor Michael Chiklis, 41, of TV's The Shield, will grumble his way through the role of Ben Grimm, aka the Thing, a boulder-bodied mound of power whose battle cry is "It's clobberin' time!"

Sorry, folks. I'm doing my show shift in 25 minutes. This is pure show prep.

Next Issue...Fun and Fancy Free.

Here's a last-minute bit of show prep. Noticed this online, thought it'd be cool.

On November 21, the Nintendo DS will hit store shelves. This is Nintendo's next generation of hand-held game systems. What makes this unique is it has two screens. It flips open, like the current Game Boy Advance SP, and the second screen rests between the control pad and the A and B buttons. This second screen is a lot like the screen on a PDA, meaning you select things by pointing at them with a special pen. It includes stereo sound and wireless multiplay.

Oh, and it'll be backwards compatable with all your old Game Boy Advance and Game Boy games.

What's really notable is that this is the first time a new video game system comes out in North America BEFORE it comes out in Japan. It hits Japanese shelves on December 2.

And now, I must do a radio show.

Next Issue...Why Aren't You Listening?

I'm at school right now.

You know how tempting it is to blow off today, go home, and watch Star Wars?

Very tempting.

I was this close to bringing my laptop with DVD-ROM and watching the films in class. But I figured that would, you know, upset people.

Misc. news:

- Veteran TV actor Dennis Farina is the new cop on Law & Order.
- Looks like Sarah Michelle Gellar will be playing Sabrina the Teenage Witch. She'll be darn near 30 when cameras start rolling.

Next Issue...STAR WARS!

SO BORED!!

I'm working the Sports Desk at NR92 today. I do a sportscast every hour. It takes half-an-hour to make a sportscast and five minutes to read it. That means I've got 25 minutes per hour to kill.

At first, I thought I'd be able to use that time to work on production stuff. But, I'm the kind of guy where, once he gets started on doing something creative, he's got to finish. I can't just give it up after 10 minutes and go back to my real job.

And I'm all caught up on my homework.

So, I'm stuck with nothing to do for 25 minutes every hour.

I really, REALLY wish I could go buy Star Wars and go home and watch it.

LET THIS END!

Next Issue...The Amazing Adventures of Sports Boy

Well, I've committed to my Halloween costume. Went to Value Village today to see if they had their Halloween stuff out yet, and I walked out with the first component of my costume: the top hat. Actually, it's the second component. When I got home this evening, I tore apart my closet looking for the first component: my bow tie. My God, I can't believe I'm finally doing this. It's gonna rock, just you watch.

Here's some interesting news. Even though it comes out tomorrow, some are starting to speculate that there might be a recall of the Star Wars Trilogy DVD. As people watch Star Wars over and over and over, they notice these errors in the soundtrack:

- When the X-Wings go off to battle the Death Star, the sound effects are so loud it drowns out the score.

- During Tarkin's line "Then perhaps you can suggest a more appropriate target? A military target?" the levels on his voice are all messed up.

And the big error

- In the musical score, the rear channels are reversed. Everything that should come out the right speaker comes out the left speaker, and vice-versa. And this is only in the musical score.

So, some are starting to speculate that Lucasfilm may order a recall to correct this problem. But still, others say this only becomes noticable if you have a kick-ass home theatre.

Did I mention how I play Pokemon now? It's all about the capturing. When I was playing to win, I was very picky about which ones I'd capture. Now that I have won, I grab just whatever I can if I don't have it. "Merril? Never got it. let's get it!"

Thing is, though, now I have more than 50 pokemon, and they're all stored on my computer. Here's what I want in a pokemon game. I want the ability to be able to buy a parcel of land, where I can let all my pokemon out of their computer and they can all frolick. And I can occasionally return to my land and hang out with all my pokemon.

Yes, I want the ability to run a pokemon ranch.

Although, one of the coolest parts of my edition is the ability to create a secret base. You can either a) dig a cave b) build a treehouse or c) open up a really thick area of long grass. And then, you can turn this into a secret base, and you can buy stuff to furnish your base.

I want a secret base. In real life. That would be cool. Someday, when I'm rich and famous, I'll buy an old warehouse in the industrial section of town and turn it into a secret base. And you're all invited to come hang.

Next Issue...Welcome to my Underground Lair

Wow! Have I really let it go this long without an update? Anyway, first things first. This week's column, Tin Man's Lament:

"When I was younger, splitting wood was one of those chores I tried to avoid not because I was lazy, but because I was scared. I always had visions of missing the log, the axe flying out of control, and I’d end up driving the axe into my shin. Thus, whenever I got the nerve to attempt splitting wood, I’d raise the axe above my head, and bring it down with a small fraction of my strength. Normally, I’d be lucky to drive the axe a quarter of the way through the wood. But that was then. This is now. I placed a log on the chopping block, raised the axe above my head, and brought it down with all my might. Two pieces of firewood went flying in opposite directions as the axe sank into the chopping block with a satisfying thud. Physical activity always helps me think. "

Click here to read it all!

Managed to catch Justice League Unlimited back on Friday. I really like my Justice League. Last Friday's episode was called For the Man Who Has Everything, and was based on a story by comic book legen Alan Moore. It was like this. Batman and Wonder Woman are off to the Fortress of Solitude to drop off their birthday presents for Superman. But, when they get there, they find that Superman is in a catatonic state, victim of a gift from alien warlord Mongul. So, while Wonder Woman goes about beating the crap out of Mongul, Batman tries to free Superman.

So, what does this plant do? It traps you in your utopia. Superman was trapped in a dream world in which Krypton never blew up, and he was happily married on Krypton where he made a living as a humble farmer. His wife was a hell of a lot like Lois Lane, and he even had a kid. So, of course, when Batman got Superman out of this, Superman was very, very pissed.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. There's something very cool about seeing Superman getting blinded by anger and just launching into a berzerker rage.

Speaking of Superman, have you heard this? Monty Python alum John Cleese is writing a Superman graphic novel! This John Cleese graphic novel is called Superman: True Brit. This asks the humble question, "What if Superman's spaceship landed in the UK and Superman was raised by British farmers?" In this Elseworld, "Colin Kent" is a reporter for a sleezy British tabloid, and poor ol' Superman is relentlessly hounded by said tabloids.

It's somewhat similar to the series of Superman graphic novels entitled Superman: Red Son. This asks the question, "What if Superman's spaceship landed in the Communist Soviet Union, during the time of Stalin's rule?" So yeah. This one features Superman spreading communism across the globe and is eventually named Stalin's successor.

And I'm continuing my Pokemon journey in Pokemon: Sapphire Edition. It's all about capturing now. I used to be somewhat picky about which pokemon I captured and which I didn't, but now that I'm the champion, I just catch them all. I"m getting so many now....

And I'm ready to make a run for the Regi. I may have let the mythical dragon pokemon Rayquazza slip through my fingers, but I can still catch three mythcial pokemon called the Regi. I have to catch two specific pokemon, head to an undersea cave, and that'll unlock three ruins. Then, I go to each of these ruins where I can catch Regi-Rock, Regi-Ice, and Regi-Steel. And this time, I'll do what I should have done with Rayquazza. At the point where I'm about to battle, I'll SAVE THE DARN GAME! And then, if I fail in capturing the Regi, I'll just turn of my GAme Boy, start it back up, restore my game, and do it all over again.

Next Issue...Showtime!

Got some morning movie news tidbits for you:

Batman Begins - The composers have been announced. Yes, I love my film scores, superhero themes specifically, so I was wondering if Danny Elfman would be having another go with the Bat. But no. The latest Batman score will mark the first collaberation between Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard. Zimmer did The Rock, Armageddon, Crimson Tide and won an Oscar for The Lion King. Howard has done M. Night Shamylan's films, Dances With Wolves, The Fugitive, Space Jam, Treasure Planet and lots more.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Speaking of Elfman, he is naturally doing the score for Tim Burton's next film; the remake of the Roald Dahl classic. And, in a recent interview, Elfman revealed that not only is he doing the score, he is also doing the voices of the Oompa Loompas.

Alvin and the Chipmunks - Oh, God. They're doing a live-action movie version. Alvin, Simon, and Theodore are going to be CGI, and the humans will be humans. It's being made by 20th Century Fox, who made the live-action/CGI movie version of Garfield.

Did I mention my sister, one of the world's biggest Garfield fans, hated Garfield: The Movie? Well, she does.

Next Issue...Enter the Producer!

School's back in. Feeling really busy right now. Which is OK. After a few weeks, once the routine is established, I'm sure it'll be just fine. Anyway, some movie news bits I've gotta share:

- The Canadian hit Trailer Park Boys is heading for the big screen. Ivan Reitman, the man responsible for such comedic hits as Ghostbusters, Twins and Junior will be producing. I'm not a big fan of Trailer Park Boys. It's so much like life in Entwistle that I see how sad it really is.

- Paramount Pictures just picked up the movie rights to Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Now this I'm curious about. Archie Comics originally created the character back in the 1960s and had some success. Then, Sabrina kind of faded away until the 1990s, when it was turned into a sitcom. Then, Archie re-made and re-launched the comic to be more like the sitcom. So then, will this movie be a roundabout movie version of the sitcom? Time will tell.

And the big news:

The movie version of The Dukes of Hazzard is coming!

Teen star Sean William Scott, who was in the American Pie movies, will be Bo. Johnny Knoxville, who was MTV's Jackass, will be playing Luke. And the big announcement today was that pop singer and reality TV star Jessica Simpson will be Daisy. Jay Chanderhasker, director of those "Broken Lizard" movies, is directing.

What's with all the comedy actors? Well, yes, just like the movie version of Starsky and Hutch, this is going to be a big self-parody.

Next Issue...School's In

Latest column's up! This week's is Welcome to the Conformity Factory:

"My favourite book is 1984, so that right there should tell you a lot about me. If you’ve never read it, it follows the adventures of Winston Smith as he lives under the thumb of an oppressive regime. One of the key locales in the book is the Ministry of Love. This is the government agency that catches dissidents, tortures them to within an inch of their lives, and just generally beats them into submission. The whole goal of this is to make a person a happy, uncreative, unthinking worker drone in society. They strive to make everyone look the same, act the same, and think the same.

Sounds kinda like school, doesn’t it?"

Read it all here!

You may notice it's a hell of a lot shorter than most of my other columns. That's mainly because I'm writing now writing for The Nugget, NAIT's Student Newspaper, and complaint #1 from Nugget staff and NAIT students is "Too long." (And too many big words and it makes them think.) So, I'm going to try to start making them shorter so they'll be more "print friendly." And also, so they fit in more with the NAIT crowd, more crude language and dick and fart jokes. Hey, if it works for Kevin Smith....

So, yeah. I'm news editor for the Nugget, which means I'm the only real reporter. They want three news stories from me a week, but I figure I'll submit two stories and my column. I had a little panic attack when I got the job, but after conferring with my news instructor, she helped me realize that, given the Nugget's target audience, this is not a job I do not have to knock myself out doing.

Did I mention that I watched the series premiere of Justice League Unlimited back on Friday? The new Justice League is going to rock! The first episode was a real geek-out affair, as we saw the new Watchtower, the new fleet of Javalins, and, at long last, Green Arrow. Not a big fan of the new electric-guitar heavy score, though. Sounds like contemporary early-90s cartoons.

Next Issue...Battles with Editor

So, I finally watched Jersey Girl. Yes, I bought the DVD as soon as it came out back on Tuesday, but I finally got a chance to watch it tonight. And you know what?

It's actually pretty good.

Granted, it's not revolutionary filmmaking. It's a variation on a story you've seen about 10 times before: single father struggling to balance between family and job. But, Kevin Smith's trademark dialogue is in tact, and it really helps make the film sing.

Oh, and let me just say that it looks absolutly amazing for a Kevin Smith film! I mean, it's the first one that actually looks like a movie. And the cameos! Yes, I knew about the Jason Lee and Matt Damon cameos, but I didn't know about Will Smith.

So, final verdict. It's not Kevin Smith's best film. That honour still goes to Chasing Amy. But, it's not as bad as all the negative "Bennifer" hype led you to believe.

Now, if I could just find a copy of Clerks X. None of my usual DVD haunts have it!

And I also finally picked up the graphic novel JLA: Secret Origins by Paul Dini and Alex Ross. That is just a total geek-out comic. Firstly, it's about twice the physical size of a comic book. A regular is what, 8.5"x11"? So that would mean this is about 17"x22". And, the entire book is nothing by 2 page spreads, and in each spread, the origin of a different DC Universe heavy hitter is detailed: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Flash, Green Lantern, Aquaman, Green Arrow and so on. It's just so beautiful. And even my mother likes it!

Next Issue...Going Bald from Stress

Oh, just found out a few more changes to The Star Wars Trilogy:

The Empire Strikes Back - Temeura Morrison (Jango Fett in Attack of the Clones) now does Boba Fett's voice.

Return of the Jedi - Naboo has been added to the ending celebration montage.

Next Issue...My Life: Special Edition

Before going to bed, I've gots to share this. As we all know, the Star Wars Trilogy finally hits DVD in two weeks, and George Lucas has special editioned it again! And yes, he has once again tinkered with the Han Solo/Greedo shoot-out. Quick recap:

Original edition - Greedo comes to take Han to Jabba the Hutt to collect the bounty. Han blows away Greedo and calmly walks out of the bar.

Special edition - Greedo come to take Han to Jabba the Hutt to collect the bounty. Since Jabba will pay if Han's dead or alive, Greedo shoots first. Han shoots back, blows away Greedo and calmly walks out of the bar.

New DVD Edition - Greedo comes to take Han to Jabba the Hutt to collect the bounty. Since Jabba will pay if Han's dead or alive, Greedo draws his gun. Greedo and Han shoot at each other AT THE SAME TIME. Han blows away Greedo and calmly walks out of the bar.

But that's not all! Here's a quick list of the other changes:

A New Hope - Using the latest computer animation software, ILM whipped up CGI Jabba v2.0.

The Empire Strikes Back - Ian McDirmand now plays the Emperor in the Emperor's brief cameo. Originally, the Emperor was a photo-composite of a chimp and George Lucas's secretary, with voice actor Clive Revill doing the voice.

Return of the Jedi - In the most controversial change to the DVDs, Hayden Christensen now plays the Spirit of Anakin Skywalker at the very end. I forget the name of the original actor.

Next Issue...Super Duper Special Ultimate Edition

Oh! Happy Star Trek day!

Before charging off to school, I've got quite a bit of news concerning Playboy Magazine that I just have to share.

First up, MTV has just greenlit the pilot for a cartoon called Hef's Superbunnies. The brainchild of Hugh Hefner and comic books Godfather Stan Lee, Hef's Superbunnies follows the exploits of a superpowered Hugh Hefner as he leads a team of superpowered Playboy bunnies in the never-ending battle against evil. It's from the same creative team that brought us that Pamela Anderson cartoon, Striperella, so expect lots of animated jiggling boobs and sexual innuendo.

Secondly, the October issue of Playboy will be the first one ever to depict video game characters in various states of undress! In a pictorial entited "Gaming Grows Up," expect to see nude photos of characters from BloodRayne, Darkwatch, Rumble Roses, the latest Mortal Kombat, Dead or Alive: Ultimate, and, of course, the upcoming Playboy video game Playboy: The Mansion. The honor of centerfold goes to Luba Licious, one of the computer animated babes from the latest Leisure Suit Larry game. And yes, all these pictures are 100% computer generated.

Of course, the big news for me in this article was that they've done another Leisure Suit Larry game, so naturally I had to do some research. The first Larry game in about 8 years, Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude brings the teen sex comedy genre to PlayStation 2, XBox and the PC. This new Larry is the college-aged nephew of the original Larry. The plot of the game is simple enough. Go around the campus, get drunk, hit on incredibly hot and unrealisticly proportioned CGI college girls, and get laid.

Is it wrong to say I'm excited about this? When I first got into computer games in junior high, there was this mystique around the Leisure Suit Larry games. When I bought my first computer, the first game I bought for myself was Leisure Suit Larry 5, which I fished out of a discount bin. So, yeah. My inner junior high kid wants the latest Leisure Suit Larry for Christmas

Next Issue...School Days!

Well, I'm getting ready to charge off to my first day of school - my 19th first day of school, by my calculations - and I just had to take a moment to post this.

Michael Moore has taken Fahrenheit 9/11 out of the running for Best Documentary at this year's Oscars.

Moore says he's doing this because he still wants as many people as possible to see the film. To acheive that goal, he's really, really hoping to get the film shown on TV sometime between now and the election. But, there's this rule in the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences saying that, if a documentary is shown on TV within 9 months of its theatrical release, it's ineligiable to compete for Best Documentary. So, Moore said, "If that's the only thing holding me back, then OK. We won't run for Best Documentary."

Plus, pointed out Moore, this has been the most publicized documentary of the year. And it's been such a great year for documentaries (Super Size Me, Control Room, The Corporation, etc), that he figures it's best if he steps aside and lets one of these lesser known, but just as good, documentaries win the prize.

But Moore assures us that the film is still in the running for all Oscars it's elligible for, including Best Picture.

So, naturally, the anti-Moore sites are now accusing Moore of throwing his ego around by putting the film in the running for Best Picture, plus they're already accusing the Weinstein Brothers of buying Moore the Best Picture Oscar, because the Weinsteins have bought every Oscar that Miramax has ever won, according to the anti-Moore sites.

Don't forget, the film hits DVD on October 5.

Next Issue...The Return

Something happened to me tonight that really made my day.

See, one of my little side projects at school this semester is getting a little cross-promotion action going with The Nugget, NAIT's student paper. So, I hatched this plot. I got my very good friend Kenten Bowick to draw a few comic strips telling people how to listen to NR92. I ran this idea by Kenten when he was visiting a month ago and he said, "Cool. You write 'em, I'll draw 'em."

Well, today, Kenten sent me the first two. And my I say I FUCKING LOVE THEM!! Kenten, you truly are a god! This is making me more excited to see what Under the Bed will be like when it's done!

Once again, thank you Kenten! I wish I had a really, really nice present to give you....

Next Issue...Clicky Clicky Yeah!

Latest column, folks! This week, it's a Stream of Consciousness:

"Man, I hate when time gets away from me. It’s 11:30 PM on Sunday night, and I’ve just got no column to post. So, I’m just going to throw together something right now, real quick like, mainly because I don’t like seeing gaps in my library. Columns written under these circumstances tend to be quick, dirty, and not very good. Wow. With a set-up like that, how can you not want to read? Don’t worry, they tend to be short, too. Anyway, let’s get on with it. And I promise that next week I’ll have something nice and angst-ridden about my first week back at school."

As always, read it all here!

next issue...Labour Daze

Tonight, I accomplished one of greatest goals in Pokemon: Sapphire Edition.

I captured Pikachu.

Actuallly, I captured two pikachus.

Here's the whole story. In Pokemon: Sapphire Edition there's a place called the Safari Zone. You pay your 500 bucks entrance fee, you're given 30 special "Safari Pokeballs" and a limited amount of time to catch as many as you can. Rules are different in the Safari Zone, too. You don't capture a pokemon by battling it into submission. You sneak up on it, offer it candy, and when you've lowered its defences, you toss a Safari Pokeball. Now, the Safari Zone boasts "rare pokemon," ie pokemon from the earlier games. It was where I caught Psyduck, and I always suspected it's where Pikachu resided in Pokemon Sapphire.

So, I was playing around earlier today and managed to catch another rare pokemon I always wanted: Wobbafett. After I captured him, I had my first encounter with a wild pikachu. This wild pikachu ignored all the candy I offered it and fled the first time I hurled a pokeball. After wandering around in the Hoenn region, doing a few battles and getting a few more dollars, I made up some more candy (actually called pokeblocks in the game) and headed off to the Safari Zone with one goal in mind: catch Pikachu.

I went back to where I first encountered Pikachu, and it wasn't too long before another pikachu came bounding along. This time, I hatched my plan. I offered him a yellow pokeblock. He liked it! I snuck up closer to him. I offered him a purple pokeblock. He liked it. I snuck up closer to him. I hurled my Safari Pokeball...and caught him! Yes yes yes!

Time wasn't up yet, so I kept wandering throughout the Safari Zone. And lo and behold, I came across another wild pikachu! I had already caught one, and I was feeling cocky, so I thought, "I'm not going to sneak up on him or offer him any candy or anything. I'm just gonna huck a pokeball at him." I did and...lo and behold, I caught a second pikachu.

This was when my time was up and I was booted from the Safari Zone.

Now, the question sank in. What the hell was I going to do with two pikachus? And then, it occured to me. I remembered from the cartoon that pikachus don't evolve when they get a certian number of experience points like most other pokemont. Pikachus only evolve when they come into contact with a Thunder Stone. I started thinking, "Wait a minute, don't I have a Thunder Stone?" I checked my PC and yup, I had a Thunder Stone. I knew exactly what to do!

I used the Thunder Stone on pikachu #2 and got me a Raichu.

So I now have a pikachu and a raichu. I rock!

And now, my challenge continues. Apparently, now that I'm the champion, Latias has been unlocked and is roaming free throughout the game. My goal now: capture Latias!

Next Issue...Off to Kanto!

Double no!

The 2-disc special edition of Star Trek Gernerations has also been delayed! It was originally going to come out Tuesday. Now, it's going to come out...later. Why? There's a typo on the packaging!

Short story long: Originally, the set was going to have the trailers. But, due to some legality, Paramount couldn't put the trailers on the disc. The packaging, however, was already printed up listing the trailers as among the bonus features. Originally, they were going to just say "Screw it," and release the disc as-is, but now they've decided to recall the DVD and take some white-out to all the packaging.

Damn you, Paramount!

And today's movie news tidbit: George Lucas himself is going to write Indiana Jones 4. You may remember earlier this year that Frank Darabont was writing a screenplay based on Lucas's outline, but Lucas declared Darabont's script to be complete crap. So, look for Lucas to do to Indy 4 the same stellar job he did with Episode I.

Next Issue...The Sword of Arthur.

No!!

I just found out that Warner Brothers has once again pushed back the release of my long-awaited 2-disc The Iron Giant: Special Edition. It was going to come out on Tuesday. Now it's coming out on November 16.

On behalf of Iron Giant fans the world over, I'd like to say this.

Quit fucking with us, Warner Brothers!

next Issue...The Uprising

I'm just thinking about action figures right now.

Today, I was browsing some of Drayton's stores on my lunch break and, in the SAAN store, I happened to spot one of the hottest new action figures out there: the Marvel Legends Phoenix figure. Naturally, I thought, "Should I buy this?"

I'm surprised I don't have any Marvel Legends figures in my collection yet. I mean, it's just a great concept for action figures. They take the comic character, make a super-accurate action figure of that character, and then make it as posable as possible. It's very much "back to basics." And it's proving to be insanely popular, making "super posable" the latest trend in action figures.

And Phoenix is a female figure to boot. Female figures still tend to be very rare. So, naturally, I'm drawn to the female Marvel Legends figures. Twice now, I've seen the Marvel Legends Elektra on shelves and thought, "Dude, I should get that. But not today. Next time." And of course, next time, she's gone. I guess this means I should go back and buy Phoenix. Next time.

Yeah, the scarcity of female action figures...I can't believe it still exists. It all goes back to the concept that little boys still see girls as being icky. Therefore, little boys do not want action figures of female characters. Too much like dolls and all that. Hence, when a female character does make it into action figure production, it tends to be short-packed. (That's action figure collector talk for "There's only one in a case of 12.") That means there's less female action figures on store shelves. That means collectors want them more. That means they're more valuable.

I'm curious now. How many female figures do I have in my collection? Let's do a quick grrl power tally here.... So, I have 81 action figures in my collection. Ladies, stand up and be counted! I have....

Mew Mew Strawberry [Tokyo Mew Mew]
Mew Mew Strawberry (civies) [Tokyo Mew Mew]
Lara Croft [Tomb Raider]
Arena Escape Padme Amidala [Star Wars]
Princess Leia as Jabba's Prisoner [Star Wars: Power of the Force]
Ensign Sato [Enterprise: Away Team]
Sub-Commander T'Pol [Enterprise: Away Team]
Jade [Shadow Raiders]
The Bride [Kill Bill]
Go-Go [Kill Bill]
Uhura [Original Star Trek]
Trinity Revealed [The Matrix]
Scarlett [G.I. Joe]
Scully [The X-Files]
AndrAIa [ReBoot]

So that's...15. 15 out of 81 is 18.5%. 18.5% of my collection is female! Is that politically correct? I'm not sure....

Next Issue...Total Babes!

Well, I got most of my planned writing done today. I wrote my latest column, episode III of my radio play trilogy, two radio spots, and a cover letter for my application to write for NAIT's paper this fall. It was tough, too. I was very easily distracted today. I seem to have lost my bow tie. I need to find it soon, too. It's an integral part of my Halloween costume. And, I'd like to play with Microsoft Access more. I'd sure like to design some kind of database program to keep track of collectable action figures....

Anyway, the column. This one is called The Nature of Evil:

"I’ve been called many names in my life. I’ve gone by many names in my life. But the one that always rattles me the most is “evil.” Perhaps it comes from having been raised on a steady diet of comic books, cartoons, and morality fables. Naturally, most little boys want to grow up to be Prince Charming, Superman, or Snake Eyes. Very few people want to be the Evil Sorcerer, Lex Luthor, or Cobra Commander. With these pop culture fables having formed the foundation of my moral compass, I have always tried my best to be the good guy. When someone points at me and accuses me of being evil, I often find myself, like Daredevil, just sitting in the shadows muttering to myself, “But I’m not the bad guy.” In essence, whenever I’m accused of being evil, I’m naturally consumed by self-analysis trying to figure out exactly what I did was wrong. "

I think this is a good one. Check it out, why don't you?

Next Issue...COMMTech chips and dip

Today was the episode of Teen Titans that I've been waiting for. Our dear Starfire is time-warped 20 years into the future, where the Titans have broken up. "Robin? I haven't heard that name in years. Now they call me...Nightwing."

But right now, though, I'm just frustrated with myself. I've got a week before back to school, and I've got so much writing I want to do still. I want to write one more episode of my supervillain-working-in-a-grocery-store radio play, about a half-dozen radio spots, and at least two proposals for my promotions. Given the time constraints, I think it's fair to give up on my 10 episodes of The Mountain Man. But those should be easy enough to produce. I should be able to write and produce them throughout the semester.

And I've still got to write this week's column, and spruce up my resume so I can apply to write for NAIT's newspaper. I'm going to be busy tomorrow. I want to be busy tomorrow. I just hope I've got the self-discipline to pull it off.

I was thinking about writing my latest column right now, but I'm just so sleepy. Work on creative projects until 4am...I don't know how you do it, Mr. Anderson.

Next Issue...Burnt Out by Day 1

Well, I've got to share the day's biggest movie news. Kevin Smith has officially announced that he's not doing The Green Hornet anymore. Instead, his next film is....

The Passion of the Clerks.

Yup! Clerks 2, baby! He starts filming in January. He's got the original cast signed on to come back. The concept: it's 10 years later and Randall and Dante decide it's finally time to grow up and get out of the store.

Oh, and I've also been doing some reading up on Pokemon: Sapphire Edition now that I've finished it. Apparently, now that I'm the champion, as I wander around the Hoenn Region, Latias (the mythical pokemon and star of the fifth movie) is now unlocked. That means she pops up occasionally and I have the opportunity to catch her! Sweet!

Next Issue...Clerks 3?

I'm fascinated with liquor stores. For the past three years, I've threatened to write a column about this fascination. In Japan, I even found the perfect quote to start this column in one of my textbooks. It was from the Dhali Lama: "I go to department stores in the way that most people go to museums." I go to liquor stores like they're museums.

After I did some shopping at the Real Canadian Superstore today, I decided to check out the Real Canadian Liquorstore. As you know, all these stores are part of the Westfair Foods family, the same corporation that owns Extra Foods. Westfair Foods does something that no other grocery store does. Mainly, if you buy one item, it's a certain price. If you buy multiples of that item, you get them at a lower price. For example, one widget costs $1.99. But, if you buy six, you get them for $1.59 each. Get it? It causes no end of frustration to both the cashiers and the customers. "No, I'm sorry, ma'am, they're only that price if you buy six. You're only buying two." Most times, this'll actually encourage a person to go buy four more.

So, I'm browsing through the Real Canadian Liquorstore, and I notice something. Westfair Foods does this with alcohol, too. Things like one bottle of vodka is $21.99, but if you buy six, then they're only $18.99 each. One bottle of tequila was $24.99, but if you buy three, then they're only $21.99 each. I started reflecting on this....

Is it just me, or is this encouraging the overconsumption of alcohol? I mean, seriously, who buys six bottles of vodka at a time? It's certainly encouraging the over-purchasing of alcohol, and when you've got a lot of extra alcohol in the house....

I don't know. For me, it just seems a little off that Westfair Foods does this with an addictive substance. They don't do it with cigarettes, and certainly alcohol is just as addictive as nicotine. I think I found my first news story for news class. It'd be interesting to get a quote from ADACC to find out what they think, and from Westfair Foods' Liquorstore division.

Actually, this is my second idea for a news story. My first story is finding out why NATISA's president has changed his name. Again, I just find it a little odd that Dwayne Johnson was elected by the people, and now our president is Dwayne Williams. Same guy, different name. And a lot of people scoff at my theory that he simply got married over the summer....

But yeah, I played hookey from work again today. Got all registered to return to school this fall. And then I did a little shopping. Today's "I really shouldn't, but what the hell" purchase: Kill Bill action figures. I was always afraid that these would join the ranks of all those really cool action figures I saw in ToyFare, but never actually saw on a store shelf. Then, today, when I saw them in HMV.... I just knew I had to have them. I got the Bride and Go-Go.

I'm really running out of wallspace for my collection. I've said it before and I'll say it again: one day, I will have a house. And in that house, I will have a room. My entire action figure collection will adorn the walls, and in the centre of this room will be a desk with my computer on it. And it is there where I will write all my brilliant columns and novels and such. And I will call this room...the computer room! Because my computer's in it, you see.

Next Issue...Party Angela!

Well, folks, I've completed one of my big goals for the summer.

I've finished Pokemon: Sapphire Edition!

Sing it with me now:

Born to be a winner!
Born to be a champion!
Born to be a winner!
Born to be the very best!
Born to be a winner!
Pokemon!

Of course, I couldn't have done it without my champion line-up of pokemon:

Kyogre - The mythical pokemon; a winged killer whale. My big gun. My most powerful. He just plowed through everything.

Treeko/Grovyle/Sceptyle - My first pokemon, which evolved to its final form. An ass-kicking grass type.

Aron/Lairon/Aggron - This guy, literally a rock. When endurance is the key, I just sent him out there and he takes a beating, just wearing down the other guy.

Shroomish/Breloom - A strange combination; part grass-type, part fighting-type, but all champion.

Seviper - The snake pokemon. Every move he has poisons you somehow. He rocks.

Torkoal - A big, fugly fire-breathing turtle. What's not to love?

And notable others that got me this far:

Psyduck/Golduck - One of my favourites from the show.

Anortih - My Jurassic Pokemon; cloned from a fossil I found in the desert. A rock/bug type who knows water attacks. Very cool.

Castform - This freaky pokemon was genetically engineered to control the weather. He actually changes form based on the weather. If it's raining, he's a water pokemon. If it's sunny and hot, he's a fire pokemon. If it's hailing, he's an ice pokemon.

Wurmple/Silcoon/Dustox - Mothra! A good warrior.

And that's it! As I said, even though I've now "finished" the game, it's not really over. I can now explore parts of the game that were previously unexplorable, and something called the "battle tower" has opened up, where I have to face seven trainers in a row. And, don't forget, the all-new FireRed and LeafGreen versions come out next week!

But until then, I"ll just enjoy being the Hoenn League Champion.

Sing it with me now!

Take a step and I'm on my way
Gonna start all over again!
I wanna be a hero! (Pokemon advance)
I'm on my way!
I wanna be a hero!
Gimme just one chance!
And the future will decide
If there's a hero buried deep inside
I wanna be a hero!
Pokemon!

Next Issue...Time to Get a Life

Alrighty, folks, 2 big DVD announcement I want to pass along. Both of these come out on December 7, so mark you calendars!

Batman: The Animated Series - Volume 2 - Crap, and I don't even have vol. 1 yet! This four-disc set has 28 episodes, which I'm assuming makes up the second half of season 1. You get three featurettes entitled Robin Rising, Gotham's Guardians, and Voices of the Knight. Plus, there's running commentary on 4 select episodes.

But that's not all. With Batman: The Animated Series on DVD, you knew it was just a short time before....

Superman: The Animated Series - Volume 1 - Sweet! This 2-disc set has 18 episodes, which is pretty much the entire first season and the first few eps from season 2. For bonus stuff, there are two featurettes entitled Superman: Learning to Fly and Building the Mythology: Superman's Supporting Cast, plus running commentary on 4 select episodes, and the ever-growing pop-up trivia bits.

Remember, these both come out on December 7! They make great Christmas presents!

next Issue...Man of Paper

Ahh, one of those perfect evenings. There was just enough of an autum chill in the air that reminded me of times past, when I'd gather together a few friends from the neighbouring halls, head on down to a 7-11, and ask everyone, "So, how was your summer?"

I want some Silly Putty. I don't know why. I just have this weird urge to play with some. I'm sure we've all heard the tale: developed during World War II as a rubber substitute. When it didn't turn out like expected, an entreprenurial guy in the lab started selling it as a toy.

Heh. "Rubber substitute." Put your mind in the gutter and chuckle along with me. Ya know, I'm sure, out of the six billion people on this planet, at least one man has said that to one woman: "Yeah, baby, I know I forgot to stop by the drugstore. But I got some Silly Putty from my brother's toy box. Ya know, it's a rubber substitute."

Today's strange movie news: Ellen DeGeneres will be playing God! DeGeneres has won the title role in a remake of Oh, God!. This was a rainy afternoon movie that was on TV quite a bit when I was a kid. For those who've never seen it, it's a comedy about a guy stuck in a rut who's approached by God. Seems that God's started to fret that we've all forgotten about him, so God gets this guy to be his new messenger. Think of it as precursor to the more-recent Bruce Almighty. In the original, George Burns played God and John Denver played the guy.

Anywho, with DeGeneres on board, the quest is on for a writer and a director. They start filming next year, when DeGeneres is on hiatus from her talk show.

Next Issue...Why, God?

Firstly, latest column's up! this week I tell you How to Change the System:

"I had a brilliant idea the other day as to how change the system for the better. Yes, I’ve rallied against the system for a few years now, and I’m starting to get tired of the taunt from those in charge: “Well, I’d like to see you propose an alternative!” This, of course, has replaced the previous taunt of, “Well, I’d like to see you do better!” because that led people to do things like run for office and actually do better. This idea has to do with reforming our education system."

Find out how to change the system right here!

And, my good news for the night. I e-mailed YTV to find out if and/or when they'll be premiering the new cartoon Justice League Unlimited, aka the "re-branded" Justice League cartoon. Well, YTV replied. Look for it Friday, September 10 at 9 pm Eastern and Pacific time. I tell you, Justice League rocks!

Next Issue...For the Man Who Has Everything

Why did I quit playing Pokemon? I plugged it into my Game Boy Advance and fired it up again tonight. Man, I am so close to finishing it.

Well, not really. Pokemon is one of those games that never really ends. You can keep running around the Hoenn region, capturing more pokemon and battling other trainers until the end of time. I'm defining "finishing it" as defeating the Elite Four and becoming the pokemon champion. When I stopped playing it about two months ago, I kept getting my ass kicked by the third of the Elite Four.

But tonight, I defeated the third and the fourth of the Elite Four...but that wasn't the end like I thought it would be. Then, I have to go on and fight the current reigning champion, and them I'm the champion. And in the "twist ending," it's revealed that the current reigning champion is Steven, this character who's been helping you out and giving you free stuff througout the game. I feel somewhat guilty about this, though. My strategy seems to be simply overworking my most powerful pokemon and using him to squish anything that stands in my path.

That's a very poor strategy, mainly because if my opponent gets off a lucky shot and takes out my most powerful pokemon, I'm toast. I don't like having just one big gun. Ideally, all 6 of my pokemon should be big guns. But, as it sits, I've got one big gun, four medium guns, and one small gun.

But hey, once I'm the champion, I guess I can keep playing and making eveyone a big gun until the end of time.

I still wish I had a friend with a Game Boy Advance and Pokemon: Sapphire or Ruby Editions. I long to battle a real opponent....

Anyway, time to go to bed. I'm heading down to Red Deer tomorrow to see Opa and Oma and return the currently-visiting German relatives. I was hoping to write this week's column in a late-night burst right now, but I'm just so sleepy. Here's hoping there's a column tomorrow.

Next Issue...Hoenn League Champion?

Whew! I've got quite a few bits of news from the past few days, and now, I can spit it out.

Firstly, book news. Micheal Moore is going to have two new books coming out this fall. The first one, entitled The Official Fahrenheit 9/11 Reader, is the official companion book to Fahrenheit 9/11. It'll share more material that never got into the movie and give the whole story about how he got his facts. The second one is entitled Will They Ever Trust Us Again? and it'll be a collection of letters Moore's gotten from soldiers in Iraq who are critical of the war. Both books will be out in October, to co-incide with the DVD release of Fahrenheit 9/11.

Not to be outdone, my favourite anti-Moore site is already accusing Moore of falsifying the letters that Moore has gotten, or at least heavily editing them to show Moore's point of view. So, this anti-Moore site has sent out a request for letters from soldiers in Iraq who are in favour of the war, so they can compile their own book.

And now, I've got some big DVD announcements.

Firstly, coming out on November 30 is Daredevil 1.5. This is a brand-new director's cut of Daredevil that'll have an additional 20 minutes of footage that was originally cut. This is going to be a single-disc DVD. The only bonus materials will be a featurette about making the director's cut, and a new running commentary with writer/director Mark Steven Johnson and producer Avi Arad. I've got a hunch that the teaser for the Elektra movie will be on the disc, too, but that's just a hunch....

The bigger news. Also coming out on November 30 is the DVD of the #1 film of the year, Spider-Man 2. This is going to be a fully-loaded 2-disc special edition, featuring....

- A running commentary with director Sam Raimi, star Tobey Maguire, and producers Avi Arad and Grant Curtis
- A technical running commentary with the special effects folks
- Blooper reel
- Pop-up trivia facts about the film
- 4 webisode featurettes from the film's official website
- The music video for Ordinary by Train
- A 12-part documentary about the making of the film
- A featurette all about Peter Parker and the evolution of his chracter
- A featurette on Doc Ock and adapting him for the big screen
- A featurette about the female characters of the film
- A multi-angle look at the climactic final fight at the pier
- And an art gallery, where you can look at Alex Ross's opening credit artwork without any nasty opening credits getting in the way

And, that's not all. Besides this, they're also releasing a special Spider-Man 2 Gift Set, a big box set where you get all this with the DVD:

- An exclusive artwork portfolio, where 25 comic book artists have drawn images inspired by the film
- A "From Concept to Screen" portfolio, where pre-production art is placed side-by-side with the final image in the film
- A collection of postcards featuring the film's movie posters
- A reprint of Amazing Spider-Man #50; the "Spider-Man No More" issue.

And here's some DVD news for my brother. On November 16, Paramount will finally release Top Gun: Special Collector's Edition. Yup, a 2-disc special edition of Top Gun. When my brother and I were kids, this was one of our favourite films. Since we were raised on G.I. Joe, enjoying Top Gun was a latteral move. Anyway, all the bonus stuff you get:

- Brand new animorphic widescreen digital transfer of the film and a brand new surround sound remix.
- Running commentary with producer Jerry Bruckheimer, director Tony Scott, writer Jack Epps, and real-life Top Gun pilots Captain Mike Galpin, retired Admiral Pete Pettigrew and Vice Admiral Mike McCabe
- 6 documentaries about the making of the film, tracing it from pre-production to its cultural impact
- 4 music videos from the film's soundtrack
- a vintage Tom Cruise interview
- a vintage featurette
- storyboards with commentary by director Tony Scott
- 7 TV spots

And now, it's bedtime

Next Issue...Too Many DVDs!

Hey, here's today's interesting bit I read in the paper. I've got to start keeping track of this stuff again so I can talk about it on the radio.

It's the 25th anniversary of the Happy Meal! Yes, McDonald's has been corrupting our youth for 25 years now.

It's interesting to read about how it was developed. It was a marketing guy at McDonald's who was just fascinated by his son's breakfast routine. Every day, his son would eat the same cereal, and every day, his son would always stare intently at the cereal box. No matter how often his son read that box, he would always read it again the next morning. So, this marketing guy came to this conclusion: kids like to be entertained while they eat. So, he packaged a McDonald's kids meal the same way you package a box of cereal: put it in a colourful box and stick a free toy at the bottom.

Test marketed in '77, went nationwide in '79. Now, it's in every McDonald's in the world.

Next Issue...I quit!

Well, I had a very fun day of playing hookey today. I went to Silver City to watch Spider-Man 2 again, and made the sad discovery that it was only playing in IMAX. So, after seeing that IMAX was just fifty cents more than regular price, I saw it in IMAX.

Ahh, IMAX. Once a novelty at science museums, it's now entering the mainstream of movie-going. When they first started showing first-run films in IMAX, they simply used lenses to blow up the picture. People started to complain, though, that doing so distorted the picture. So nw, they've developed a special digital process that blows up the picture and causes little to no distortion. And it's becoming quite popular.

Probably my favourite incident involving these IMAX releases has to do with Catwoman. Warner Brothers was planning on doing an IMAX release, but when it started bombing, they figured that creating an IMAX print just wasn't worth it. Several theatres had already begun promoting it, too, by showing movie posters boasting the tagline "CATch her in IMAX."

Since I was paying off my tuition, I also foolishy spent too much money. Don't worry, most of it was spent doing my back-to-school shopping. I blew all my money today on DVDs:

Justice League: Starcrossed - The big final episode! I purposly didn't tape it when it was on in June because I knew the DVD was coming. This is just a cool episode.

1984 - The movie version of my favourite book. Yes, the book is better than the movie, but this is about as perfect and adaptation as you can hope for.

Futurama: Season 1 - I've been eyeing this for a long time, and when I saw it in HMV with the price tag, "$22.99, marked down from $42.99," I knew the time had come. I've seen these episodes so many times that I'm just going to launch straight into the running commentaries on these episodes. Apparently, John DiMaggio, who does the voice of Bender, is just hilarious.

Next Issue...JLU

Hee hee! I'll admit, despite my fascination with the Olympics, I'm not watching much of the coverage on TV. I read the scores in the paper the next morning. So, right now, I'm giggling like a schoolgirl over the big news.

For the first time since NBA players have been allowed to play at the Olympics, Team USA has been beaten.

They lost, 92 to 73, to Puerto Rico. People have been predicting this, apparently, since the first Dream Team in 1992. Fact is, NBA players are evolving to be more style than substance, and it's starting to catch up with them.

Plus, we've got some sad movie news coming out of the Chicago Wizard World Convention. Kevin Smith has officially announced that he is NOT directing The Green Hornet. He figures that he's just not the guy to do a big budget action film. He is still writing it, however. Smith also said he'll be announcing his next project in November.

Next Issue...Kato Strike!

First things first. Latest column's up! This week, we've got Losing the Magic:

"That’s what it’s all about really. Not so much magic as it is faith. We as a society are losing our faith. For me, personally, this all goes back to Christmas movies. Compare the original Miracle on 34th Street with its 1994 remake. In the original, Santa Claus is saved when he starts getting all these letters addressed to him, and postman after postman delivers them into the courtroom. “Since the government recognizes this man as Santa and delivers Santa’s mail to him, this court must also recognize him as Santa,” says Santa’s lawyer. And the judge agrees. There’s a leap of faith involved in that. But in the 1994 remake, Santa’s lawyer instead makes a very long, boring speech about the nature of faith. No parade of postmen delivering letters here. We couldn’t make the leap of faith that our letters get to Santa anymore. Instead, we had to be told what faith is."

Here's the whole thing!

Now, just to get this on paper. I've been doing some more plotting for my radio show this fall. One of the first things I'm going to have to do is set aside an afternoon, park myself in a studio, and transfer some of my favourite songs on cassette onto CD. We don't have a cassette player hooked into the mixing board, so this is what I have to do if I want to get the campus grooving to that 1990 classic, Turtle Power.

And I had another great idea for splitters tonight. They're doing these ones on Joe FM right now that I want to rip off. They go like this:

Announcer: Hey! Have you seen (movie that JOE gave away passes to)?
(play sound clip from movie)
Announcer: Alright, now back to the music. This is 92.5 JOE FM, playing anything.

So, I'm going to do this for Chaos in a Box, only using sound clips from my favourite short-lived TV shows that I now own on DVD. Mainly, Clerks: The Animated Series, The Tick, and The Critic. For example....

Me: Did you ever watch the Clerks cartoon?
Randall: If you were Steven Tyler from Aerosmith and could therefore sleep with any woman on the planet, who would you choose? Me? I'd choose Liv Tyler.
Me: I loved that show. Now back to Chaos in a Box.

And before I go, one last gasp for my weekend of animation. Ain't It Cool News just posted some really cool concept art for Disney's upcoming animated film Rapunzel Unbraided. It's really cool art, but that title just screams "Shrek knock-off."

Next Issue...Wowie

I've been having too much fun doing nothing today. And I really should write a column or two. But instead, I've been cruising around Lake Wabamun and watching lots and lots of TV.

Oh, here's something I've been meaning to mention for a while. Even since Smallville first came on, people have been asking when other DC characters will appear on the show. Well, it was announced a few days ago that, this fall, Smallville will be receiving a visit from...

The Flash!

Now, the interesting thing is, since there have been a dozen heroes to wear the mantle of the Flash, the question is which Flash will be on the show? The Flash we're going to have is Bart Allen. Bart Allen is the great, great, great, etc. grandson of Barry Allen, the Silver Age and most famous Flash. Bart hails from the 31st Century and was thrown back in time because it was the only way to counter his superspeed from superaccelerating his aging. So, he's a teenager in our time blessed with the power of superspeed, and he fights crime under the name of Impulse.

And another thing happening on Smallville this fall that Superman fans have been waiting for: Lois Lane is coming to town! Smallville character Chloe Sullivan has occasionally hinted in the show that her cousin his Lois Lane. Last season's season finale featured the (apparent) death of Chloe. So, Lois Lane is going to come to town and investigate Chloe's death or disappearance. The actress playing Lois Lane is signed for 13 episodes, so that means she's going to be around for at least half the season.

Interesting fact: the character of Chloe Sullivan was originally going to BE Lois Lane. But, there was a deafining uproar from the die-hard fans (or, continuity whores, as Rick Berman calls them). They screamed at Warner Brothers, "No! You can't do that! Every facet of Superman continuity has made it clear that Clark Kent's high school sweetheart was Lana Lang! To have teenage Lois Lane and teenage Clark Kent go at it would be blasphemous!" So, the WB conceeded to the fans.

Next Issue...Write the damn column!

Well, my list of reviews of the past two years worth of animated films is up. Check them out right here!

Next Issue...Next Column

Well, I'm done my day of animation. I've written the reviews, but I'm kind of sleepy right now. So, I hope you don't mind, but I'll upload them in the morning.

Next Issue...Enjoy the review!

Well, my day is going great, thank you very much. I've been watching my animated films all afternoon. I've got my big bottle of Dr. Pepper, a large bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, and I'm just watching DVD after DVD. When I described that as a fun way to spend a day, my American co-workers back in Kumagaya found it to be the most repulsive thing a man can do.

Anyway, I'm done the Disney animated films, and I'm moving onto Dreamworks this evening. I'll do full reviews later tonight, but here's what we've got so far:

Lilo & Stitch - I was surprised at how good this actually was. It's been a long time since I found genuine heart and soul in Disney animation. 3.5 Nibs.

Treasure Planet - Put this next to The Black Cauldron and Atlantis as a worthy attempt to make something a little more grown-up and action-oriented. I say "worthy attempt" because, like the first two, it still comes short of being something truly cool. Amazing animation, thought. 3 Nibs.

Brother Bear - I felt rather "meh" towards the whole thing. It was good, but.... Felt like we'd seen it all before. However, I did laugh my ass off whenever Tuke and Rutt (that is, the moose re-incarnations of Bob & Doug McKenzie) were on screen. I'm still hovering between 2.5 nibs and 3 nibs for a final rating.

And now, supper's on the stove!

Next Issue...DreamWorks

Well, I'm all set. Today, I popped the lock on the money I had stowed away to cover my tuition. I'm playing hooky from work on Tuesday to run into NAIT and get that all paid off. So, I guess it's official. I'm going back for year 2.

Anyway, I've made good on my threat. This weekend, I'm going to catch up on all my animated films. I'm going to write reviews for all of them, but before that, I'm going to list here my pre-conceptions about each film. First, on the Disney side:

Lilo & Stitch - I read a lot of cautious optimism online about this one. This was Disney's last big hope to break away from "the formula." The second - and last - film made completely in their Florida animation studio. It came out shortly after I left for Japan, so advertising for it was getting pretty heavy before I left. I managed to catch the "making of" special on TV and immidiatly dismissed it as a knock-off of The Iron Giant. Mr. Anderson told me that Neil Gaiman actually thought it was a pretty good movie. (Actually, according to Mr. Anderson, Gaiman's review was along the lines of, "Wow, it didn't suck.") It came to Japan in March of 2003, and I had no desire to pay Japanese movie prices to see it.

Treasure Planet - I find the history of this film fascinating. It's the longtime pet project of Disney animators John Musker and Ron Clemmens, the dynamic duo who made The Little Mermaid and Aladdin. Waaay back in 1985, they pitched this idea and The Litte Mermaid to Disney. Disney approved both ideas and wanted Little Mermaid made first. So, Musker and Clemmens made it, then Disney ordered them to do Aladdin next. So, Musker and Clemmens made it, then Disney ordered them to do Hercules next. So, Musker and Clemmens made it, and Disney finally allowed them to make Treasure Planet. So, I'm really interested to see how it came together.

Brother Bear - This one kind of slipped under everyone's radar. I first heard about it online in 2000 or so. Apparently, one day, Michael Eisner called the head of feature animation into his office and said, "I've got a great idea for an animated film. The Lion King with bears instead of lions. Make it happen." Information kind of dribbled out over the years. Joaquim Phoenix was voicing the lead...Phil Collins was doing the songs.... When I read a cast list and saw Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas doing voices, I knew immidiatly what was going on. "What animals have Bob & Doug McKenzie been re-incarnated as to be the comic relief?" Then I saw the trailer, and saw that Bob and Doug were moose. The main reason I want to see this is for new Bob and Doug McKenzie foolishness.

But that's not all! I'm also catching up on DreamWorks' animated films. With former head of Disney animation Jeffery Katzenberg as one of DreamWorks' founding fathers, there was a lot of hope that DreamWorks would have the best shot to take down Disney as the king of animation. But, after only four traditionally animated films, DreamWorks made the decision that traditional animation is dead and started focusing on CGI. So, their last two films were....

Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron - When I first saw the trailer on the Shrek DVD, I thought it was the most mindblowing piece of animation I'd ever seen. It hit theatres shortly before I left for Japan, but I had no desire to see it. All the TV ads made it seem so...meh. The reviews called it "a politically correct western." But still, it is very unique in that it's told from the horse's point of view...and the horse never speaks. I sure hope I like Bryan Adams, though, as he did all the songs on the soundtrack.

Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas - The last traditional film for DreamWorks. It actually got pretty good reviews. Even Trouble, the great defender of mythology, liked it. Actually, her exact quote was, "Once you get past the fact that they completely fucked with the Sinbad legend, it's not too bad." Yeah, she's like that when it comes to stories based on ancient legends. She still wants to nuke Disneyland because of Disney's "liberal adaptation" of the Hercules legend.

And that's going to be my Saturday.

next Issue...Animation Overload.

What I love the most about being home alone is I can rent all the weird movies I want to see and watch them without parental objections. There's none of Dad's heavy sighs, I can just enjoy the show. Tonight, I finally rented Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman.

Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman kind of slipped in under everyone's radar. When it had its premiere screening at last year's San Diego Comic Con, everyone said, "What's that? They made another Batman straight to video movie?" And yes, they did. It finally came out in October of last year to little to no fanfare. Heck, it took this long for a local video store to finally get it in. And so, I finally got to see it.

The plot is simple enough. Gotham's three biggest gangsters - Carlton DuKane, Rupert Thorne, and the Penguin - have joined forces to manufacture and sell illegal weapons. But, they find they have an enemy: a new crimefighter in Gotham City calling herself Batwoman. Batwoman seems to have a real vendetta against these gangsters, and goes on a very destructive rampage to bring down their criminal empire. Naturally, with such destruction on her mind, it's only a matter of time before an innocent gets hurt. So, in comes Batman to figure out who Batwoman is and why she's hunting down these mobsters. Our three prime suspects: Kathy DuKane, Carlton DuKane's daughter; Roxanne Ballantine, a rising star in Wayne Enterprise's R&D division; and Sonia Alcana, a rookie detective in the GPD. Things escalate when the mob brings in Bane to hunt down Batwoman. So, the question becomes, who will unmask Batwoman first: Bane or Batman? And who is Batwoman?

All in all, this is not bad. It's no Mask of the Phantasm or Return of the Joker, that's for sure. But it's just fun. An entertaining hour and fifteen minutes. I forget how many eyeballs this warrants on Mr. Anderson's rating system, but it's the rating that says, "If you see it on your friend's coffee table, borrow it." For me, that'd probably be about three nibs.

And hey. You just gotta love a Batman story where 90% of the characters are female.

And I have to mention the best bonus material on the DVD: a 6-minute long Batman animated short entitled Chase Me. It's completly silent. That is, no dialogue. And all it is is Batman chasing Catwoman. It is just very cool. That short in itself is worth 4 nibs.

Oh, and I also rented the special edition of E.T.. You can really tell where the new special effects are because, suddently E.T. gets very, very animated. Other than that, it's still a good movie.

Next Issue...Mystery of the Batmark

Today's pointless trivia bits:

- South Park is animated using Maya, the computer animation software developed for and used to animate Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within.

- As of January 2003, The Simpsons is now 100% computer animated.

I was thinking the other day. I've mused many times that we need a website to do critcal reviews of fast food. Yeah, we're all well aware that it's bad for us, but does it taste good? My schemes always revolved around doing a vast website covering every fast food restaurante with a vast network of critics, each assigned to a specific fast food place.

But, yesterday, I thought, "Why don't I just do it myself?"

I won't be like the guy who made Super Size Me, and gorge myself on everything on the menu in a month. When I go to a fast food place, I'll jot down a review of what I ate, and post it on my website. This'll take years to compile something comprehensive, but it'll be a start.

I'll also have to change my fast food diet. Like most people, I tend to have my favourite burger at every restaurant. To do this, I'll have to scrap that and make an effort to have something different every time I go.

I think this'll work.

Next Issue...First Review!

Well, I'm home alone for two weeks, as the folks are off showing the German relatives the wonders of Alberta. I was thinking about enjoying my time at home by renting several dozen porn movies, but I think instead I'll just catch up on my Disney animated films. I swung by the video store today, but sadly, Lilo & Stitch was out. So, I'll keep looking back throughout the week.

And I'm once again resuming one of my internal debates. One of my favourite animes when I was in Japan was called Galaxy Angel. It was on every Sunday morning at 9:30, and I'd watch it whenever I was up that early. Anyway, back in the spring, they finally began importing it. Vol. 4 has just been released. So, I"m naturally wondering if I should begin collecting the whole series. Start with Vol. 1. What do you think? Should I get it?

Next Issue...Today's Menu

Well, the day I've been worrying about for the past two weeks has come. I got the bill for my NAIT tuition in the mail today. Actually, I'm pleasantly surprised. It's a full $500 cheaper than I thought it'd be. So, first step now is to go to the bank and unlock the special savings account I tucked the tuition money into. (I locked it away so I wouldn't accidentally spend it on DVDs.) But first, I've got to beg the boss for a day off next week so I can go into NAIT and pay it in person.

Anywho, I feel like mentioning this movie news. There's a movie in development right now called Zarutha. It's based on a childrens book by Chris Van Allsburg, the same guy who wrote Jumanji. And, just like Jumanji, Zarutha is about a cursed board game. This time, the board game is sci-fi based, and it flings a family's home into deep space, where the family proceeds to have a series of adventures. Tim Robbins is playing the father in this family, Jon Favreau (he directed the Will Ferrel movie Elf and was paired with Vince Vaughn in a bunch of indie films) is directing, and Stan Winston is bringing the aliens to life. They are saying it is a sequel to Jumanji "in spirit and themes only."

Truth be told, Jumanji is still on my list of "movies to check out out of morbid curiosity." It's a short list. The only other movie on it right now is Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle.

Next Issue...Jarutha

First things first, got the latest column up. This week's is Oil & Vinegar:

"I do crazy things at work when it gets slow. It’s probably stuff I shouldn’t do. Because we are in the produce section, the salad dressing is right next to us. I’ve been compelled to do this for as long as I can remember. You should try this at home. It’s a lot of fun. What you do is you get yourself a bottle of a good oil & vinegar salad dressing. I find Italian is the most common. Set it down in front of you. Shake the hell out of it. Then, watch it separate. Better than a lava lamp."

Read it all!

Next Issue...Romancing the Phone

I really should be writing my latest column, but I just feel like doing nothing right now. I'm watching this biography of Drew Barrymore on TV right now. I'm still curious about that 20th Anniversary Special Edition of E.T. The Extra Terrestrial. I should get out and rent it sometime soon.

Here's a little tidbit about E.T. According to the Internet Movie Database, Steven Spielberg and E.T. writer Melinda Matheson did consider a sequel to E.T.. The working title was "Nocturnal Fears," and it was going to be about Elliot and his friends being abducted by aliens! These aliens would have been the arch-enemies of E.T.'s race, and E.T. came charging to the rescue. In this film, it would have been revealed that E.T.'s true name was "Zreck."

My favourite joke about an E.T. sequel comes from the classic cartoon Freakazoid!. We were on the set of E.T. 2. Elliot, now a teenager, is making out with some chick on his couch. From behind the couch, we see E.T.'s trademark hand and glowing finger reach up. He taps Elliot on the shoulder and says, "Elliot, I'm back!" Elliot just says, "Get lost! I'm in the middle of something." And then Steven Spielberg is kidnapped, and Freakazoid comes to the rescue.

Anyway, on TV yesterday, I managed to catch a little bit of the very first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. That is still high on my list of films that deserve a fully-loaded 2-disc super-special edition DVD. I mean, do you know the story of how that film was made? Even though TMNT was one of the biggest fads of the late-1980s, no studio in Hollywood wanted to touch the live-action Ninja Turtles film. Finally, the only studio that committed was a small indie studio called New Line Cinema, whose only mainstream success at that time was A Nightmare on Elm Street and its endless string of sequels. When Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles hit theatres in the spring of 1990, it was a massive hit. It became one of the top 3 films of 1990. Thanks to the profits from that film, New Line Cinema went from a little indie studio to the major Hollywood studio they are today. Even with the massive The Lord of the Rings trilogy under its belt, New Line Cinema still counts Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as one of the most profitable films in the studio's history.

So, yeah. The Turtles built a studio. That at least should deserve a 2-disc special edition. All I ask is a running commentary with director Steve Barron, and TMNT creators Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird.

Next Issue...Next Column

OH, here's some DVD news for Mom, because this is one of her favourite movies.

Disney has just announced a 2-disc, 40th anniversary special edition of Mary Poppins. The film is digitally restored and in its original widescreen aspect ratio. For bonus materials, you get an all-new hour-long documentary about the making of the film, new interviews with the cast and crew, an all-new animated short based on a P.L. Travers short story, a long-lost cut musical number called Chimpanzoo, and an all-new running commentary with stars Julie Andrews, Dick Van Dyke, and composer Richard Sherman. The big release day is December 14.

Next Issue...A Spoonful of Salt

We've all read the news by now: Ralph Fiennes is playing the evil Lord Voldemort in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I feel like mentioning it if only because I'm getting sick of reading the headline "He Who Shall Not Be Named...Has Been Named!"

You know, as I watch some classic TV lately, I'm wondering why CBC hasn't jumped on the DVD bandwagon yet. One of my new cable channels is showing Degrassi Junior High in reruns. I'm certain there's people out there who would buy Degrassi Junior High: The Complete Series on DVD. And lots of other old CBC titles, too. You just know that Road to Avonlea: The Complete First Season is just begging to be released. And where's the big boxed set of The King of Kensington, still regarded as the #1 Canadian sitcom of all-time? What spurned this on was catching Seeing Things in reruns. If it has the cult following that the Internet says it has, then Seeing Things deserves a DVD release.

Who remembers Seeing Things? One of CBC's biggest hits of the 1980s. It was rather unusual. How can I describe it.... Imagine if Haley Joel Osmet from The Sixth Sense grew up to be George Costanza from Seinfeld, and got a job as a crime reporter at a big city newspaper. While using his ability to see dead people to solve murders, he gets himself wrapped up in an Ally McBeal-style love triangle with his estranged wife and a Crown Prosecuter. Yeah, that's it. The Sixth Sense crossed with Ally McBeal. And our hero is George from Seinfeld.

Right now, I'm just frustrated. We had some guests earlier today, and my parents were bragging about the Governer General's Award I won in high school. I really wish they'd quit going on about that hunk of bronze I got nine years ago. It's nothing special. They give them out like candy. Randomly pick five of my classmates from Augustana; hell, five students on any college campus, and they'll have one too. Did I ever mention that I really, really, really hate my awards for acadmeic excellence? They're all so utterly pointless. Look, doing your homework and passing your tests is nothing that deserves an award. All an award for academic excellence does is unfairly single out a kid for doing what he's going to school to do. It makes him an object of ridicule. Let's be honest, they were originally established to be little more than a self-esteem boost to high school punks who can't get laid. I want to take every award I've ever gotten and just burn them. They're all so fucking pointless.

I hope my kids are nice and stupid. At least that way they'll be normal.

Next Issue...Governor General's Award...Cheap!

Wow, here's a particular evil being hoisted upon us by DreamWorks.

Shrek 2 hits DVD on November 5; a Friday. It'll be a single-disc edition. That means no bonus material about the making of the film. Now, also on that day, they'll be releasing a box set of all the Shrek films. That set will include an exclusive bonus disc containing all your bonus features for Shrek 2.

Are you getting this? If I want to get the bonus materials for Shrek 2, I have to buy Shrek again. That's just stupid.

Next Issue...Boycott

Spent my morning watching Cardcaptors. It's this anime that's on TeleToon. It premiered several years ago with a big marketing push, but now I can actually watch it. As with a lot of anime, it was the climactic showdown. And it was at the Tokyo Tower. Ya know, I never went to the Tokyo Tower. Sure, I saw it on the horizon lots. Was in the general area several times. But I was always warned against going to it. "It's just an overpriced, tacky tourist trap," I was warned. So, I never went.

Also doing a little more research on Tokyo Mew Mew. This is the one anime I watched every Saturday morning when I was in Japan. It's currently being dubbed and will be on Fox kids this fall. I forget the proper term for "anime for girls," but Tokyo Mew Mew is an "anime for girls." They figure this'll be the biggest launch for an anime for girls since Sailor Moon first burst onto the North American scene some 9 years ago.

And, Tokyo Mew Mew is generating some controversy among die hard anime fans. For it's North American release, the show is being retitled Hollywood Mew Mew. The die hard geeks are going, "But, as soon as people see the Tokyo Tower, they'll know it's not Hollywood!" I don't care. It's being imported by 4Kids Entertainment, the same folks who import Pokemon, so I think we're OK.

I'm still wondering how to reply to that announcer who e-mailed me yesterday demanding a thank you. We were warned in class how diplomatic snafus like this just may cost us jobs someday. So, I need to craft a proper diplomatic apology/thank you. The only thing that really pisses me off about stuff like this is why the hell did he sit and let it stew for 2 friggin' weeks?

Next Issue...The Apology

A few quotes from the past about my smile:

"When you stop smiling, Mark, there is something cosmically wrong with the universe." - An old friend in university.

"I love this boy! He just doesn't stop smiling! When things are getting too tough here, all I've got to do is look at his smile!" - A rather attractive fellow trainee when I started training with the company in Japan.

"Are you OK, Mark? This is the first time I've ever seen you not smiling." - One of my instructors at NAIT, when I was having a REALLY bad day.

"I've never seen you smile before. Stop it. You're scaring me." - One of the department heads at IGA.

And now, I'm wondering how to reply to something. A few weeks back, I e-mailed a radio announcer who spent some time in Japan about how he got there and how it was. He answered my questions for me. Now, three weeks later, this announcer has e-mailed me again, all pissed off that I never wrote back to thank him for his answers.

Damn. He must have worked for AEON.

Next Issue...Lord of the Unknown Tower

Nothing witty to say tonight, folks! Just the latest column, Head Office Boys:

"Remember that classic episode of The Flintstones? Fred was tired of always being bossed around by Mr. Slate. So, one day, Fred was complaining about this to the Great Gazoo, and Gazoo snapped his fingers and said, “OK, Fred, you and Mr. Slate have now switched places. You are now the boss!” Well, while spending his first day as boss, Fred thought it was great. He bossed around Mr. Slate and made Mr. Slate feel as miserable as can be. But then, Fred discovered that the boss has to answer to an even more powerful boss, and that boss was even meaner than Mr. Slate ever was. Fred asked the Great Gazoo to switch things back, and Gazoo did. Fred learned a very important lesson that day about the business world: shit runs downhill."

Read it all, baby!

Next Issue...The Time